Cy's Halloween Yarn

This is USBC Television

It is now 8:00 pm, EDT, and many of you have concluded your trick-or-treating for the year ad hope for a better round next year.

Meanwhile, we here now bring you two special episodes of our new sitcoms here on Saturday night. First up is a special Halloween edition of The Quantum Argonauts, which we hope will be entertaining for you.

We now begin the program.

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As the mikes open on this Saturday, Cy and Conrad are seated and ready to go on the Halloween edition of their weekend show, The Quantum Argonauts.
As the theme music plays, Cy readies his opening remarks.
"Hello again, people, this is Cy Scott talking on this Halloween night. I hope all you ghosts and gals are ready for tonight." says Cy.
"I don't think Halloween is really like that anymore." says Conrad.
"How do you know? You've never seen a ghost, have you?" says Cy.
"They don't exist, Cy." says Conrad.
"Oh, yes, they do, and tonight's their night." says Cy.
"Got the Halloween spirit, I see." says Conrad.
"That I do. I always feel at one with the one time of the year where what we think is real becomes a question." says Cy.
"How phrased, Cy." says Conrad.
"My mother acted in a few horror flicks and I always feel that I got my love of this holiday from them." says Cy.
"That's wonderful. Now, let's move on with our show." says Conrad.
"I agree. However, instead of our usual discussion time, let's embrace the holiday with something more in line with the time at hand." says Cy.
"Like a ghost story?" asks Conrad.
"Exactly. I have prepared one for tonight and I will impart it with you." says Cy.
"I can't wait to hear what kind of tale you've thought of for our listeners." says Conrad.
"Let me set the scene. In the southwestern portion of the state of Michigan, there lies the small town of Buchanan, population of about 5,000 people of all types, where life proceeds at a usual pace." says Cy.
"What a start." says Conrad.
"Quiet, Conrad. Anyway, our story begins three weeks before Halloween night had begun and the town itself was getting ready." says Cy.
The scene then dissolves into the story as the town of Buchanan comes into view. Upon its main road, dubbed Front Street, the signs of the oncoming holiday are hung.
Riding his bike down the sidewalk is Buck Berline, a carefree 22-year-old. As he passes the store fronts, which gave the street its name, he breathes in the fall air.
The other citizens ignore him as they put up Halloween decorations on their shop fronts. One of those other citizens, Buck's friend, Tuck Thompson.
"Hello there." says Buck as he brings his bike to a stop.
"Hello, Buck." says Tuck.
"I see you're putting up a paper pumpkin." says Buck.
"They don't rot, like real ones." says Tuck.
"I prefer the real ones." says Buck.
"Whatever you say." says Tuck.
"Only three weeks until Halloween. It's just like waiting for Christmas, except you get to scare people." says Buck.
"That's all Halloween is to you?" says Tuck.
"It's how I see it. It allows us to do things that would be weird the rest of the year. This time of the year makes those things a normal thing." says Buck.
"What a fountain of straight lines you are." says Tuck.
"I do my best but I could never this, the first language of my birth." says Buck.
"You'll get it, one of these days." says Tuck.
Just then, a man rushes by the two in a hurry. Behind him is another man, shouting at the first man, "Come back here, you... "
"Who's that?" asks Tuck.
"Probabaly Jon, getting a three-week head start on his Halloween antics." says Buck.
"Most likely." says Tuck.
Jon makes his run down the street, with the other man giving chase.
"Shall we help him?" asks Tuck.
"Lets." says Buck.
The two then make their way over to the other man, who has run out of breath and is bent over.
"I'll get him, one of these days." says the man.
"Excuse me, sir, we couldn't help but notice you giving chase to that boy." says Buck.
"I had to. That's the only way I was to kill him." says the man.
"Over what?" asks Tuck.
"He just threw a dozen eggs at my house." says the man.
"Well, there are only a dozen in a carton." says Buck.
"He threw them right at my window." says the man.
"Well, you can clean it off, then." says Buck.
"I want him to do it." says the man.
"That's a wish." says Buck.
"I might as well do it, since I know he won't." says the man, who then limps away.
"I wonder where Jon is." says Tuck.
"I think I have an idea." says Buck as he walks away, with Tuck following behind.
The two walk their way to Memories Tavern, one of the many highlights of the town. As music plays on the jukebox, Buck and Tuck walk in and spot Jon at a stool.
"Hello, Jon." says Buck.
"Hello, Buck." says Jon.
"Me and Tuck saw you getting chased down the street." says Buck.
"Is that right?" says Jon.
"Jon, why did you unload a whole carton of eggs on someone's window?" asks Buck.
"Just getting a head start on Halloween." says Jon.
"At least wait a little more before getting that head start." says Buck.
"Why should I listen to you, bag boy?" asks Jon.
"I'm a stock boy. Tuck's on check-out." says Buck.
"Who cares?" says Jon.
"One of these days, you're gonna stop this stuff and become an adult." says Buck.
"Never gonna happen." says Jon.
"Buck, I think we better get to work." says Tuck.
"All right." says Buck, who then walks away, with Tuck following behind.
"What a great story so far, Cy." says Conrad, back in the WHYP studio.
"Don't interupt me, Conrad." says Cy.
"So sorry, Cy." says Conrad.
"Now where was I?" asks Cy as the scene goes back to Buchanan, this time to Lowery's Grocery, a small market near the city limits.
Inside the store, Buck is working away, stocking shelves with product that people will buy.
"Too many cheap knock-offs." says Buck.
Tuck is working at the checkout line, scanning the purchases of the customers.
"Good, good, good, good... " repeats Tuck as he scans each item.
"I can't believe you can make a knockoff of canned peas." says Buck as he places a can on the shelf.
He then picks up the empty box and starts making his way to the back of the store. As he enters the back of the store through the pair of doors, he hears the sound of laughing.
Buck puts the box down and walks over to the front door of the walk-in freezer, where two men are talking.
"That's a wonderful story. I can't believe it you know that." says one of the men.
"It was an old story when I was your age." says the other man.
"What story would that be, Sid?" asks Buck.
"Oh, Buck. Let me tell you, this is a good one." says Sid.
"What is it?" asks Buck.
"The story of Old Man Simpleton." says Sid.
"I've heard it before." says Buck.
"Let me refresh your memory. Old Man Simpleton was a man with strange ideas that few remember what they were. They remember the way he would keep people from his house. Any kid knew never to set foot on his lawn, lest they earn their demise." says Sid.
"I know that part well." says Buck.
"Well, strange noises were heard, and then, one day, he just disappeared from sight, never to be heard or seen again." says Sid.
"I know that, too." says Buck.
"What you don't know is what happened to him." says Bill, the butcher.
"No one knows." says Buck.
"Well, I hear that he had these weird experiments and that they killed him." says Bill.
"I hear that he became one of his experiments." says Sid.
"And I hear that he just disappeared." says Buck.
"You don't believe in that story, do you?" says Sid.
"I happen to enjoy for its entertainment value, and that's the only thing it is." says Buck.
Just then, Tuck enters the back room.
"Sid, I need you to take my post for the rest of the day." says Tuck.
"I guess it's my turn." says Sid.
"We all do time at the register, Sid." says Buck.
"Yeah, but most of the time is me." says Sid.
"What were you guys talking about before I came back here?" asks Tuck.
"The tale of Old Man Simpleton." says Bill.
"What a subject." says Tuck.
"Buck here says he doesn't really believe in it." says Bill.
"I'm sorry, but I don't think the story is true." says Buck.
"Come on, Simpleton's old house is a fixture of this town." says Tuck.
"It's an old abandoned house. Simpleton could've easily moved out without anyone noticing." says Buck.
"What I've already said is true." says Sid.
"Then why don't you prove it to me, eh?" says Buck.
"How?" asks Sid.
"Take me into that house and show me Old Man Simpleton's bones, if they're there." says Buck.
"Really?" says Sid with a gulp.
"Come on, you're not scared. Just because whatever killed him might still be around... " says Buck.
"I'll do it." says Sid.
"When?" asks Tuck.
"Tonight, you, me, and Sid." says Buck.
"Why am I a part of this?" asks Tuck.
"Because we need someone to relate the story of our deaths, if you manage to escape." says Buck.
"Okay, I'll go." says Tuck.
"If you'll excuse me, I'll gotta go man the register." says Sid, who then makes his leave.
"Should we really be doing this?" asks Tuck.
"Why not? Besides, it will finally rid this town of those stories." says Buck.
"Another one of those haunted house tales. Eh, Cy?" says Conrad back in the studio.
"I assure you, Conrad, it is not." says Cy.
"Prove it to me, Cy, because I've heard them all." says Conrad.
"That's what Buck and Tuck were saying to themselves as they journeyed with Sid over to Old Man Simpleton's house." says Cy as the scene return to Buchanan in the dim evening light.
"I don't know about this, Buck." says Tuck as he, Buck, and Sid walk to where the house stands.
"We gotta to do this. We must either prove or disprove the stories about this house." says Buck.
"I just hope nothing bad happens." says Sid.
"You're not afraid, are ya?" asks Buck.
"I am not. I'm just concerned." says Sid.
"I'm a little concerned, too." says Buck.
"There's the house." says Tuck.
The house is a decaying structure. The wooden sides have half-rotted and many of the roof tiles have slid off. Vines and plants have grown their way onto the house itself and the lawn is covered in tall grass.
"Shall we?" says Sid.
"Lets. You first, Sid." says Tuck.
"No, you go first, Tuck." says Sid.
"You go, Buck." says Tuck.
"No, Sid goes first." says Buck.
"I guess I have no choice." says Sid.
Sid tip-toes his way up the grass-covered walk up to the the front door of the house, careful not to make any noise whatsoever.
"I hope he makes it." says Tuck as Sid reaches the crumbling stone steps to the door.
Sid makes his slow way up the stone stairs to the door. When he reaches it, he stalls, looking at the peeling wood paneling that makes up the door.
"Open it." says Buck.
Slowly, Sid put his hand on the door and pushes it. The door opens slightly with the touch. Sid then pushes the door further until it is opened enough for entry.
With a waving gesture, Buck and Tuck make their way up to the open door.
"Now, who's going in first?" asks Tuck.
"Sid." says Buck, gesturing to Sid to go in.
Sid makes his way inside the house. As soon as he has entered, he gestures to Buck and Tuck to come in, which they do.
As they stand inside the doorway, they see that the inside is worse than the outside. The furniture has all but decayed into a fibered mess and the wood tables look shattered on the floor. The floor itself is in a deep state of decay, with rotting on every other floorboard.
"Well, here we are." says Buck, turning on his flashlight, like the others.
"Now, what do we do?" asks Tuck.
"I think we should split up." says Buck.
"How?" asks Sid.
"I'll take the first floor, Tuck the second floor, and Sid the basement." says Buck.
"Why do I get the basement?" asks Sid.
"Because it fits you." says Buck as the three begin moving off in different directions.
Sid slowly walks around, looking for the door that leads to the basement. Tuck, meanwhile, is looking for the stairs that lead to the second floor.
Sid soon reaches the door to the basement. The door is slowly decaying, like the rest of the house, but part of it has been torn off its hingers, allowing the light to shine into the darkness.
Tuck, meanwhile, has reached the stairs to the second floor. As the beam of light moves up the stairs, Tuck stands at the bottom.
Sid pushes the broken door aside and makes his way to the edge of the stairs. He shines his light down and picks up nothing but black.
Slowly, Sid places one foot on the top step. The step creaks with the weight of Sid's foot. Sid does his best to keep the noise down as he takes the other foot and places it on the step.
Back by the other stairs, Tuck has done the same as he begins his climb to the second floor.
With each creak, Sid makes his way down to the dark basement, where quiet is heard. As Sid makes his way, the light shines down more until it reaches the bottom of the steps.
Tuck is slowly making it to the second floor. The spot of the light grows as he nears the top. Tuck soon reaches the top of the stairs and sighs some relief.
Sid reaches the bottom of the basement steps and shines his light around, picking up more blackness. Sid then slowly moves to the right of the steps.
Sid finds a empty doorway and walk through it into another room. The room is filled with scientific equipment and chemicals. The air reeks of a foul odor.
Sid shines his light around the room as he moves, seeing nothing much except more lab equipment. The equipment is covered in cobwebs and spider webs.
Sid shines his light on the floor and sees strange footprints in the dust. He then hears strange noises, coming from all around him.
Sid's pace quickens a bit as he moves around the room. Eventually, he comes back to the door he came through. He shines his light out of the doorway and sees nothing. With a flash, Sid moves back through the doorway.
Sid then hears the strange noises again. This time, he can pick the direction they're coming from. He shines his light in that direction and sees nothing. He moves towards the sound slowly.
After a minute, Sid comes upon another empty doorway and walks through it. He finds himself in a room of iron cages, all of which look damaged, as if something had escaped from them.
The noises he's been hearing are suddenly very loud in his ear. He shines his light around the room with nervous hands and finds nothing.
Suddenly, he feels something watching him closely. He shines his light around again and finds nothing again. He still feels like he's been watching him and slowly, he makes his way backwards toward the doorway.
Suddenly, with force, he feels something thrown itself against him and he falls to the floor with a thud. Sid looks up and sees a black shape over him. The shape looks at him and then, it moves right at him.
"What happened, Cy?" asks Conrad, back in the studio.
"Conrad, I'm about to tell what's happening, so be quiet." says Cy.
"I'm sorry." says Conrad.
"That's okay. I think you're starting to get into it." says Cy.
"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not." says Conrad.
"Now, where was I?" says Cy as the scene returns to the house of Old Man Simpleton.
Tuck is making his search of the second floor. He shines his light on the floor and sees the same strange footprints as Sid in the dust.
Tuck then hears a noise. Slowly, Tuck reverses direction and heads his way backwards to the stairs. When Tuck reaches the stairs, he turns forward, take one final look, and bolts his way down the stairs.
When Tuck reaches the bottom, he bumps into Buck with a thud and they both fall to the floor.
"Tuck, what is with you?" asks Buck.
"I had to get back down here." says Tuck.
"Did you find anything?" asks Buck as both he and Tuck get off the floor.
"Not a thing, fortunately." says Tuck.
"Nothing down here, either. I wonder what Sid has found." says Buck.
"You mean, he hasn't returned?" asks Tuck.
"I'm afraid so." says Buck.
"What if something's got him?" says Tuck.
"Don't overreact, Tuck." says Buck.
"I know. I just can't help it." says Tuck.
"Help it. Let's go find Sid." says Buck as he moves off.
Tuck quickly follows and the two walk in the direction of the basement steps. Sid is quickly making his way up the steps, holding on to his shoulder as he makes it to the top. As he rounds a corner, he bumps into Buck and Tuck.
"What's wrong with you?" asks Buck.
"Something attacked me down there. It bit my arm." says Sid as he moves his hand to reveal the wound.
"Tuck, I think we better get out of here and bandage that wound." says Buck.
"I couldn't agree more." says Tuck, who then bolts for the front door.
All three soon make their way out of the house and down the street, Sid still covering his wound as they make their way down the street.
At Buck's house, Buck is bandaging Sid's wound.
"Why can't a doctor do this?" asks Tuck.
"And get us arrested? I think not. I have to go to work tomorrow." says Buck.
"Excuse me, I'm the one with the wound here." says Sid.
"I know, and when I'm through, no one can tell the difference." says Buck.
"I hope so." says Sid.
"What did you see down there?" asks Tuck.
"I don't know. I couldn't tell." says Sid.
"It bit you and you couldn't tell what it was." says Buck.
"My flashlight had been knocked out of my hand. All I saw was this big, black shape on me. I only got a glimpse of it when it bit me and ran off." says Sid.
"There, all done." says Buck.
"Can I go now?" asks Sid.
"Yes, you may." says Buck.
Sid then takes his leave and exits Buck's house.
"I wonder what it was that bit Sid?" says Tuck.
"We'll never know, will we?" says Buck.
"You got that right." says Tuck.
"And so, Buck and Tuck make their way to their individual beds in their individual houses and sleep without a clue as the night passes." says Cy, back in the studio.
"I am starting to get really interested in this story." says Conrad.
"Well, I've only just started." says Cy.
"What happens next?" asks Conrad.
"Well, let's move ahead two days, to the evening hours, to a setting sun." says Cy as the scene returns to Buchanan in the manner of Cy's description.
The sun is making its way down as Buck, Tuck, and Sid toil at Lowery's. Buck and Tuck are sitting in the back room of the store, waiting for the work day to end.
"In a hour, we are officially off the clock and I have something planned." says Buck.
"What would that be?" asks Tuck.
"I've finally completed the building of my own car." says Buck.
"Not that piece of wood on wheels?" says Tuck.
"Tuck, this will be a wonderful way to get around." says Buck.
"I hope you get it tagged as a car and not a piece of wood." says Tuck.
"I can pull it off." says Buck.
At the check-out line, Sid is passing items over the scanner, with the beeps as they pass by. As Sid moves the last item, he sees a small patch of hair on the back of his hand. He stares at it but it disappears and Sid shrugs it off.
Buck and Tuck come walking out of the back room and walk their way to the front of the store, to the manager's cage.
"Excuse me, sir? If you don't us anymore today, get we go?" says Buck.
"I guess you can cut out early." says the manager.
"Then we'll do that." says Buck, who then leaves the manager's cage with Tuck in tow.
"What are you guys doing?" asks Sid.
"We're leaving." says Buck.
"What for?" asks Sid.
"I'm gonna take Tuck on the test ride of my car." says Buck.
"That thing you've been building?" says Sid.
"Just finished it. Now, I want to see if it works." says Buck.
"Tell me how it went." says Sid.
"We will." says Buck, who then turns to leave the store with Tuck following behind.
Buck and Tuck make their way to Buck's house, where the car that Buck has been building stands.
"I can't believe it. It took me four months, 22 trips to the junkyard, a pile of wood, and a whole lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but I built a car." says Buck.
"Me, neither. There's no way that this thing works." says Tuck.
"We won't know until we get in and start it up." says Buck.
"Shall we climb in?" asks Tuck.
"Lets." says Buck as he climbs into the car's driver seat.
Tuck places himself in the front passenger seat.
"Ready to go?" asks Buck.
"I guess." says Tuck.
Buck then reaches down and turns the built-in key on the engine. With a roar, the engine comes to life and Buck takes hold of the steering wheel, which he got off a '58 Ford.
"Here we go." says Buck as he releases the brake and presses his foot on the gas pedal.
The car, with a shake, then slowly moves out of the driveway and onto the street. The car then moves away from the house.
"I can't believe it's working." says Tuck.
"I know." says Buck.
The car makes its way to the end of the street. The main road looks empty as Buck looks both ways.
"Is it safe?" asks Tuck.
"Let's go." says Buck as he moves the car onto the main road.
Elsewhere in town, Sid has left work and has made a date with Lila, his girlfriend. As the two walk down the street, the two lovers are enjoying the evening air.
"I can't believe two people like us can be in love." says Lila.
"Of course I can believe it." says Sid.
"Look at that sky. It's so romantic." says Lila.
"I can't believe it." says Sid.
"The moon's even out tonight." says Lila.
"And it's full." says Sid.
"I can see it." says Lila.
"You better keep an eye out for werewolves." says Sid.
"You don't believe in those things, do you?" asks Lila.
"I don't. I just don't believe they exist. Buck thinks they do." says Sid.
"Well, he's entitled to his beliefs." says Lila.
"That's weird." says Sid.
"What is it?" asks Lila.
"I feel a little weird." says Sid.
"Maybe you feeling the love for me." says Lila.
"I don't think that's it." says Sid.
Suddenly, he looks down back at his hand and the patch of hair has reappeared, and it's growing across the hand. He looks at the other hand and sees the same thing.
"Lila, I think it's time I went home." says Sid, who then speeds off down the street.
As Lila watches Sid run out of sight, Buck's car pulls onto the street. Buck spots Lila and slows down the car.
"Good evening, Lila." says Buck as the car stops.
"What is that thing?" asks Lila.
"It's the car I built myself. It runs great. Want a ride?" says Buck.
"I pass." says Lila.
"I thought you and Sid were on a date tonight." says Tuck.
"We were, until he bolted off, just now." says Lila.
"He must have heard your car coming." says Tuck.
"Don't be funny." says Buck.
"I don't what happened to make him just leave me like that." says Lila.
"I have an idea." says Tuck.
"He's not like that." says Lila.
"Well, the offer to ride on this thing is still open." says Buck.
"Again, I pass." says Lila, who then walks down the street.
"I hope people will like this car." says Buck.
"They haven't, so far." says Tuck.
"Be quiet." says Buck as the car gets moving again.
Sid runs his way home, with the hair on his hands still growing. He makes it, and runs into his bedroom. He locks the door and an amazing thing starts to occur.
Hair starts to appear on his face, beginning with his cheeks. Hair growing in many places and spreads across his body. His fingers turn into sharp claws. Finally, after all that, Sid has found that he has turned into a... werewolf!
In shock, back in the studio, Conrad falls back onto the floor in his chair with a thud.
"Conrad, you've ruined the suspense of a dramatic moment with that." says Cy.
"I can't help it. I was taken it." says Conrad.
"Even you should have seen it coming." says Cy.
"I didn't. I was in surprise the whole time." says Conrad.
"Can I move on?" asks Cy.
"Go right ahead." says Conrad as he rights his chair.
In the control room, Mr. Gold enters the room.
"Okay, time to switch over to Prairie Home Companion." says Mr. Gold.
"But I wanna hear more of Cy's story." says the engineer.
"Switch over." says Mr. Gold.
The engineer then moves his hand and switches the feed to Mr. Gold's office from what going out on the air to the Prairie Home Companion feed.
"There, they're cut off." says the engineer.
"Good." says Mr. Gold, who then leaves.
"Now, where was I?" says Cy as the scene moves to the early night, an hour following Sid's transformation.
Sid is running around in his werewolf form, quicker then he has ever run. The sights and sounds around him are enhanced. Every thing is different.
Meanwhile, Buck and Tuck are continuing their drive in Buck's car.
"Ready to go home?" asks Buck.
"Yes, I am." says Tuck.
Buck then turns the car back the way it came. As it moves along one street, the transformed Sid rushes by, unknown to Buck and Tuck, who just see a fast-moving black shape.
"What was that?" asks Tuck as Buck stops the car.
"I don't know." says Buck.
"Must be something." says Tuck as the car resumes moving.
"We don't have the time to investigate." says Buck.
A few minutes later, Buck and Tuck are pulling into Buck's driveway.
"The test run of my car is completed. Now, time to begin my next project, a homemade helicopter to do my solo circumnavigation of the world." says Buck.
"Whatever you say, Fibber." says Tuck as the car comes to a stop.
The two get out of the car and Buck walks around to the passenger side.
"I'll make a few more test runs." says Buck.
"Good idea. What was that thing we saw?" says Tuck.
"I don't know, Tuck. I guess we'll never know." says Buck.
The next day, Sid is working the check-out line, still unnerved by what happened last night. As he finishes another customer's load of groceries, Buck comes up from behind.
"Hello, Sid." says Buck, surprising Sid.
"Don't do that!" says Sid.
"Sorry. I just wanna let you know that my car ran great yesterday." says Buck.
"Is that so?" asks Sid.
"It ran very well. I plan taking another test drive today. Would you like to be my passenger?" says Buck.
"Why can't you get Tuck to do it?" asks Sid.
"I asked him and he doesn't want another ride." says Buck.
"He actually rode in that thing?" asks Sid.
"He did. So, will you take his place today?" says Buck.
"I'll think about it." says Sid.
Just then, Sid looks down at his hands and sees the hair returning. He quickly hides his hands behind his back and runs off towards the back of the store.
"I wonder what got into him all of a sudden? Oh, well." says Buck, who then takes the checkout line and sees to the next customer.
Sid runs his way into the back of the store and into the boiler room. There, he closes the door behind him and locks him.
As he undergoes the transformation for a second time, Bill walks into the back and over to the freezer to pull a few pieces of meat out. He hears Sid groan as he transforms. Since the sounds are coming from the boiler room, he figures it must be the boiler and continues about his business.
Buck works the checkout for several hours. As the end of the day nears, Tuck walks up to Buck.
"Almost time to go." says Tuck.
"Don't I know it." says Buck.
"Planning on testing your car again?" asks Tuck.
"Of course. I need to test the headlights. They were a special project during the car's construction and I just wanna see if my method paid off." says Buck.
"I hope so. Where's Sid?" says Tuck.
"He ran off towards the back of the store unexpectedly." says Buck.
"What's gotten into him?" asks Tuck.
"I have no idea. Now, about my car, I need a passenger for this second drive." says Buck.
"I've already told you. I'm not doing it." says Tuck.
"I'll find someone." says Buck.
In the back of the store, Sid, still in werewolf form, sees the clock in the boiler room point to closing time and makes his escape out of the back door of the store and into the brushwork that fills the area on the outskirts.
Buck walks his way home and gets into the driver's seat of his car and rolls it onto the road. As he turns the car onto the main road, he sees the red-haired Margie, Buck's current girlfriend.
"Evening, ma'am." says Buck as he moves the car up to her.
"Hello, Buck. I see you've finished your car." says Margie.
"I have. This is the second test run. I performed the first yesterday, with Tuck as my passenger." says Buck.
"Why isn't he with you this time?" asks Margie.
"He opted out of this one. I'm planning on testing the headlights on this run, so I feel I need a passenger that can help me in the dark in case they fail." says Buck.
"I'll help you. I've wanted a turn on this thing ever since the day you thought it up." says Margie as she climbs on board.
"Then let's get moving." says Buck as he pulls the car back into traffic.
Meanwhile, the transformed Sid is still running around, under the light of the full moon. He keeps running within the brushwork as night falls on Buchanan.
Sid soon stops running when he hears an interesting noise. He looks around and sees Buck's car, rolling down the street with its headlights turned on. The light coming from them has a searchlight-type quality to them as it pours all over the street. Margie is amiring the car as it moves.
"Oh, Buck. I can't believe you actually got this to work." says Margie.
"It's my way of actually getting a car in this economic climate." says Buck.
"Maybe other people will start building their own cars." says Margie.
"I don't wanna put Detroit out of business, Margie. I just built a better car." says Buck.
"Well, I just feel wondeful around you." says Margie.
"Stick with me and I will show you a lot of things." says Buck.
Sid, listening, moves closer to the car as it moves. Eventually, he moves to a bush by the side of the road. In a quick flash, Sid darts from the bush and onto the middle of the road, right in front of Buck's car.
The car coming to a screeching halt and Margie lets off a scream as both occupants start at the creature in their path. Sid stares at them for a moment before moving quickly off into the darkness.
"What was that?" asks Margie.
Buck thinks it over for a moment, for, in his mind, he was sure he regonized the creature as someone familiar. Rather than admit this, he tells Margie, "Just a weird critter", and moves the car forward again.
During the course of the following day, Buck went over the sight in his mind. Each time he reviewed it, he was sure of the feeling of familiarity but couldn't place it. Stocking shelves gives a man a chance to search his mind. However, Buck's pondering wasn't one step closer to figuring out what or who the thing was that ran out in front of his car.
The end of the day once again falls on Buchanan and Buck, who decides not to take out his car for a third run just yet. Meanwhile, Sid finds himself transformed again and again running around under the cover of darkness.
During the night, many of those citizens of Buchanan who make their liveihood in the dark of the Earth's nightside find themselves spotting the werewolf Sid.
The first one is a woman tending to her night garden. In a special flowerbed grow various flowers and plants which require the dark of night to bloom. As she tends to one sick flower, she hears a sound.
She looks up and sees the fast-moving shape of Sid jumping into the yard over the fence and over the other fence. The sight jolts her from her gardening and she hurries back inside.
One of the next people to see is a drunk, walking out of another of the town's highlights, Marzoos'. As he staggers down the sidewalk, the sight of the running Sid jolts the man for a moment out of his stupor, if only to re-enter it when the feeling has passed.
Many more people see the running Sid as he finds himself over-powered by what he happens to be now. His very nature now has changed. He strangely finds himself craving something he not knows what.
The night soon again passes and morning arrives. Buck finds himself assigned to the checkout line and Sid as stock boy. As Buck passes item after item, he hears the people talk about a strange creature that has been seen over the past couple of nights.
Buck doesn't admit to his sighting of the creature, for he is still pondering over why he was overcome with familiarity at the sight of it. He feels if he admitted it, he might be labeled something he doesn't want to be.
Another end of the day comes and this time, Buck turns off his ponder and asks Tuck if he would like to join him in the third test run of the new car. Tuck, this time, agrees to it.
"So, you've tested the car twice now?" asks Tuck as they reach Buck's car.
"I have, and each time, it has been working great." says Buck.
"So, what's the purpose of this test run?" asks Tuck.
"I need to fill up the tank. I checked the gas gauge after the completion of my second test run and I need to refill." says Buck.
"So, why the need to call it a test?" asks Tuck.
"Because I've been running it off kerosene and I need to see if it'll run on regular gasoline." says Buck.
"I see." says Tuck.
"I hope you would." says Buck as he climbs into the car.
Buck again puts the car into motion and runs it onto the street. As he makes its way down the street, he check the gas gauge and it reads nearly empty after two long test runs.
He rolls the car into the gas station across the way from Lowery's and pulls up to one of the pumps. Buck then activates the brake and doesn't turn off the engine.
"What's going on?" asks Tuck.
"I'm waiting for the car to run out of fuel. I don't want to mix fuels." says Buck.
"Well, if you say so." says Tuck.
As Buck lets the car use up the last of its fuel, the clerk on duty, Yeardley, inside the station sees the strange vehicle. Curious, she wanders away from her post and walks outside to get a closer look at it.
As this is going on, Tuck sees the approching Yeardley and alerts Buck to it.
"Hello, Yeardley." says Buck.
"What is that thing?" asks Yeardley.
"This is the car that I built myself." says Buck.
"You actually built it? I thought you were kidding." says Yeardley.
"I wasn't." says Buck.
"What are you guys doing?" asks Yeardley.
"I'm waiting for the car to use up its fuel. You see, I filled it with kenosene for its first two test runs. I'm running low, so, rather than mix fuels, I'm waiting for the kenosene to run dry so I can fill the car with its first load of gasoline." says Buck.
"Well, I'll take that, because I don't wanna hear the long one." says Yeardley.
Just then, the car sputters and slowly quits working as the last of its fuel is used.
"All gone. Now, time for its next test." says Buck as he climbs out of the car.
He walks over to the gas pump and takes out the nozzle. He then walks over to a spot on the car where Buck has placed the intake pipe. He opens the hatch door on the pipe and puts in the nozzle.
With a squeeze, the gasoline start flowing into the now-empty tank of the car. As the numbers click away, Buck keeps one eye on the gas gauge.
When the gas gauge reads full, Buck removes the nozzle and places it back on the pump. One look at the price gauge on the pump and Buck removes the right amount of money from his wallet and gives to Yeardley.
"I guess this is only the first visit of your car at this gas station." says Yeardley.
"Count on it." says Buck, who then climbs back into the car and drives it away.
The car, now running on regular gasoline, runs as well as it has so far.
"Well, now we know the car can run on regular gasoline." says Buck.
"It can be taken anywhere now." says Tuck.
"I know it." says Buck.
The re-fueled car makes its way down the streets of Buchanan as the sun sets. Meanwhile, Sid has transformed once more and is running in the darkness of the brushwork that covers the town.
The headlights are soon turned on and the car continues its ride. As it rounds one corner, the transformed Sid runs from a line of brushwork into the path of the vehicle. This time, the car can't be stopped in time and it hits Sid and knocks him down, bringing the car to a stop.
"What was that?" asks Tuck.
"I don't know, Tuck. Let's take a look at it." says Buck.
"I'll stay here." says Tuck as Buck climbs out of the car and walks over to the front.
Buck takes a good look at what the car hit. He sees, with a few moments' thoughts, that it is the same thing he saw two nights ago.
"Tuck, I think you come over here." says Buck.
"Okay." says Tuck, who then climbs out of the car.
Tuck walks his way over to where Buck is standing.
"What is that thing?" says Tuck as he sees the body of the transformed Sid.
"I have no idea. Why don't we take it with us?" says Buck.
"So it can kill us when it has the chance?" says Tuck.
"No, it doesn't look dangerous." says Buck.
"That's because you just hit it with a car." sats Tuck.
"We gotta help it, Tuck." says Buck.
"Do we have to?" asks Tuck.
"Lift it up, Tuck." says Buck as he takes one end and picks it up off the street.
Tuck then picks up the other end with a slight recoil and helps Buck move it to the back seat of the car. When they finish moving it, Buck and Tuck climb back on board the car and drive off.
As the car makes its way down the street once more, Sid regains consciousness in the back seat and sees that he's in some strange vehicle. It takes him a moment to see that the fellow occupants of the car are Buck and Tuck. Sid then remembers Buck's self-built car and figures he must have been hit by it.
He remains laid down in the back seat as not to alert his friends. He wonders how his friends will take his new form. As he wonders, he overheard Buck and Tuck's discussion on the thing in the back seat.
"I can't believe you had to take it with us. Now, if it wants to kill us, it can." says Tuck.
"Don't worry. If it wakes up and wants to kill us, we just run from the vehicle." says Buck.
"Even if it means losing the work of four months?" says Tuck.
"I'll build another one. Relax, Tuck." says Buck.
"I can't relax with a man-eating creature in the back seat." says Tuck.
"I won't eat you." says Sid.
"Did I just hear Sid's voice?" asks Tuck.
"I did, too." says Buck.
"I wonder where it came from?" says Buck.
"From me." says Sid.
Buck then turns his head towards the back seat and sees Sid staring back at him.
"Hello, Buck." grins Sid.
"I think I know where it came from." says Buck.
"Where?" asks Tuck.
"The back seat." says Buck.
Tuck turns his head and looks in the back seat.
"Hello, Tuck." says Sid.
"Sid?" says Tuck.
"I guess this explains a few things." says Sid.
"Not really." says Tuck.
"What are you now, Sid?" asks Buck.
"I guess I'm what they might call a werewolf." says Sid.
"That's what I'd call it." says Buck.
"You're not gonna kill us?" asks Tuck.
"I won't." says Sid.
"I guess what attacked you in Old Man Simpleton's house was a werewolf." says Buck.
"I guess so." says Sid.
"Do we need to use sliver bullets?" asks Buck.
"No." says Sid.
"I can't believe it, Tuck." says Buck.
"What about?" asks Tuck.
"We actually know a werewolf." says Buck.
"You're right." says Tuck.
"Will you promise to keep this under your hats?" asks Sid.
"Why would we ruin our friendship with a werewolf?" says Buck.
"You can let me off here." says Sid.
Buck then brings the car to a halt as Sid rights himself.
"See you later, guys." says Sid, who then bolts from the car and runs into the night.
"The Buchanan Werewolf is our friend." says Tuck.
"And we are his protectors, for as long as he lives." says Buck.
"Let's go home." says Tuck.
"I'm with you." says Buck as he returns the car to a state of motion.
"And from that night on, Buck and Tuck made sure that the secret identity of the Buchanan Werewolf was kept only to them and no one else. They say that he can be seen on long fall nights, running away, keeping the town safe, but that's another story." says Cy as he concludes his story in the studio.
"What a great story. You actually told a Halloween story without all the usual Halloween tricks." says Conrad.
"I am a genius." says Cy.
"I think it's time we gave back the airwaves to Garrison Kellior." says Conrad.
"I think so. This concludes the Halloween edition of The Quantum Argonauts, and remember, if you see a strange thing on Halloween, just remember, it's just a friendly neighborhood creature out for the night." says Cy.

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This concludes the special Halloween edition of The Quantum Argonauts, which we hope to be the first in a long line of such specials.

Stay tuned for another special Halloween edition, this time of our other new sitcom on this night, The Sara Gilbert Show.

We also like to remind our viewers that The Quantum Argonauts will not be seen next week, so we may bring you a special news broadcast from one of our reporters in Iraq.

This is USBC Television.

The Crossover in Hyperion, Part II

This is USBC Television

The producers of this program wish to dedicate the following episode to the memory of the late Soupy Sales.

Now, it is 8:00 pm on Saturday and that means it's time to conclude the two-part opening story of our new show, The Quantum Argonauts, with part two of the opener, "The Crossover in Hyperion."

In part one, we were introduced to the characters and began the show with the creation of a strange quantum particle, which collided with another such particle and caused a merger of universes.

Meanwhile, Phil Turner, WHYP intern, found himself at the center of a crime wave he didn't commit and finall scoring a date with Officer Grace Baker of the Hyperion Police.

When we last left off, Phil and Officer Grace have just spent the night together and Phil has gone to answer the door. When he gets there, he is met by two police officers, who take Phil off to their awaiting police car...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

As this is happening, Officer Grace rushs over to the door.
"Guys, what are you doing?" she asks.
"We're taking Phil in. He robbed the bank last night." says the second officer.
"But he was with me last night and we spent the night here." says Officer Grace. "Sorry, Grace, but we can't take your word. He might coached you." says the first officer.
"You can't do this, Timmy." says Officer Grace.
"I have to. His face is all over the camera footage." says the second officer.
"I am truly sorry, Grace." says the first officer as they reach the police car.
"Grace, help me. Go get Cy and Conrad." says Phil as they load him into the police car.
The two officers then get in and drive away, leaving Officer Grace standing in the driveway.
"Phil." she cries out.
She breaks down in tears over the taking of Phil. She falls to her knees.
"I can't believe this." she says.
Across town, at Cy's own house, he lays asleep in his recliner, where he feel asleep after getting home after midnight from Sally's Diner. In his dream, he thinks of Kate, the video store clerk, sitting down, dressed in an outfit out of a 19th-century French painting, with Cy, dressed the way he always is, with his head in her lap, looking up at her face, or he would be if his eyes weren't closed.
"Ah, Kate, my life is trouble. That Barry & Terry give me fits." says Cy to the dream Kate.
"I know, my dear Cy. You were a wonderful human being." says the dream Kate. Back in reality, Cy sighs in his sleep as a knock comes to his door. The knock stirs Cy out of his wonderful dream.
"If you're a salesman, they'll never find the body." says Cy as he gets out of the chair.
Cy walks over to the door, rubbing the rest of the sleep out of his eyes. When he opens the door, he sees a familiar face, but not Officer Grace's.
"Simon!" calls out Cy.
"Hello, Cy." says Simon.
"How's my scientist friend?" asks Cy as Simon walks in.
"Fine." says Simon.
"Did you enjoy your visit to Switzerland?" asks Cy.
"I was there to partake in science, not the scenery, and yes, it was fun." says Simon.
"How much fun?" asks Cy.
"Not as much as I wanted. I was so close." says Simon.
"Close to what?" asks Cy.
"I'll tell you over coffee." says Simon.
"I'll get some." says Cy, moving towards the kitchen.
As Cy gets the coffee, already made, Simon walks into the small dining room. "Here we are, two cups of coffee." says Cy, coming into the dining room.
"Thanks. I guess I should tell you about Switzerland." says Simon.
"Go right ahead." says Cy, sitting down at the dining room table.
"Gladly." says Simon, taking a chair for himself.
"Now, tell me about your time at the LHC." says Cy.
Simon takes a deep breath and begins, "Well, I arrived last Friday in Geneva and travel to the CERN labs, where the LHC is located. Anyway, I find that me and my colleague have the third slot on Sunday, so we take it. I get the particle that my mentor made at Fermilab in Chicago.
"My colleague places the matter particle in another section and we rev up the LHC. We ran that thing at full speed and we had a collision. There, in a part of the tube, was the goal of quantum physics itself. A strange quantum particle. We were excited that we finally had our way of finding out the existence of parallel universes. Then, it happened."
"What happened?" asks Cy.
"The particle disappeared. Just floated away." says Simon.
"That's terrible." says Cy.
"I know. I spent the next two days sulking. Then, I had to leave, my permit was up and I got on the plane back to Detroit." says Simon.
"I guess you've spent the last three days in a mood, Simon." says Cy.
"Don't I know it?" says Simon.
"I've got an idea. Why don't you come on me and Conrad's weekend show today?" says Cy.
"As what?" asks Simon.
"Our surprise guest. You just come in and regale us with your ideas on the future of science." says Cy.
"I guess I could do that. I would get my mind off what happened." says Simon. "That's the spirit, Simon." says Cy.
"I knew I could count on you to help me." says Simon.
"I'm just that kind of a person." says Cy.
Cy and Simon finish up their coffee and make their way to the front door.
"Let's walk to the radio station. The morning air might help ya." says Cy.
"I guess we can." says Simon.
"That's the spirit." says Cy, opening the door.
As the two walk, they see a police car go by, unware that Phil is in the back seat. He sees the walking Cy and tries to signal him but the officers notices and tell Phil to stop. At the radio station, Conrad is sitting in the green room. Suddenly, he hears a knock on the door.
"Come in." says Conrad.
"Good morning, Conrad. I brought a guest." says Cy as he enters.
"Who?" asks Conrad.
"Conrad!" says Simon as he enters.
"Simon! You scientist, you!" says Conrad as he gets out of the chair.
"It's nice to see you, Conrad." says Simon.
"I haven't seen you in two months." says Conrad.
"He was busy in Switzerland, playing with the Large Hadron Collider." says Cy. "I see. How did things go?" says Conrad.
"So-so. I manage to create what I was looking for, but it floated away." says Simon.
"That's too bad." says Conrad.
"The next spot for me is in June. I attend to take it at once." says Simon.
"I hope so. If you could prove the existence of parallel universes, you'll be more famous than Einstein." says Cy.
"Or Stephan Hawking." says Simon.
"'I do believe in the existence of black hooles.'." says Cy in his best Hawking impression.
Just then, the radio announces the following,
"Last night, there was a robbery of the First National Bank of Hyperion. $650,000 in cash was stolen in the robbery."
"Another robbery." says Conrad.
"Another one?" queries Simon.
"There's been a string of robberies this week. No one knows who's doing it. The police had a lead but they dropped it." says Cy.
"Interesting." says Simon.
"What's interesting? It's just robberies." says Conrad.
"I know, but it's interesting that someone would rob a bank like that." says Simon. "I guess whoever did it was a smart mastermind." says Cy.
"Maybe Hyperion's just become home to a master thief who can't keep his mind off his work." says Simon.
"You're a scientist, Simon, not a policeman." says Conrad.
"Right." says Cy.
"I know. Now, about my guest spot." says Simon.
"What guest spot?" asks Conrad.
"The one on our show today." says Cy.
"I guess we could use it, we need it." says Conrad.
At that moment, the three move to the center of the room. Before they can speak, Officer Grace, still dressed the way she was when Phil was arrested, enters the green room.
"Grace!." says Cy.
"Who is this?" asks Simon.
"This is Grace Baker, our friendly neighborhood police officer and Phil's new girlfriend. Judging by the way she's dressed, she and Phil had some time last night." says Cy.
"You gotta help me!" says Officer Grace.
"Help you? With what?" queries a confused Cy.
"With Phil. They've taken him in!" says Officer Grace.
"Who's taken where?" asks Cy.
"The police. They've taken Phil in for the bank robbery." says Officer Grace.
"We just heard about it on the radio. You mean Phil robbed the bank?" says Conrad.
"I believe that Phil spent his time last night in bed. Not asleep, I take it." says Cy. "Well, how do they believe he's the one?" asks Simon.
"Because they say his face is in the security camera footage." says Officer Grace, breaking into a sob.
"What do you think, guys?" asks Cy to Conrad and Simon.
"I don't know. How can you rob a bank without being there?" says Conrad.
"I don't know, either." says Simon.
"Oh, it's hopeless." says the sobbing Officer Grace, who covers her face with her hands, unable to accept the situation.
"What can we do?" asks Conrad.
"Well, I have an idea. It's something Simon confided with me when we walked here this morning but I'm not sure... " says Cy as he starts to pull back on the right half of the front of the jacket that Officer Grace is wearing.
He slowly moves it, peeking at Officer Grace's right breast. He peeks at it for a few seconds before he closes it.
"I think I will let Simon share his idea." says Cy.
"Really?" says Officer Grace, removing her hands.
"Of course. What Simon told me might help get Phil out of jail." says Cy.
"I'm not sure myself." says Simon.
"Who is that?" asks Officer Grace.
"This is Simon Yates. He's a scientist friend of mine. Specifically, he's a quantum physicist." says Cy.
"How can he help?" asks Officer Grace.
"Listen." says Cy. Cy then gestures to Simon to begin.
Simon walks forward a step and begins,
"This is something that I began thinking about the day before I left the LHC. That's the Large Hadron Collider. Anyway, I began to think that the strange quantum particle that I created maybe have been affected by the existence of parallel universes."
"What does parallel universes have to do with Phil?" queries Officer Grace.
Simon speaks, "Let me finish. Anyway, I wondered if the strange quantum particle had detected the existence of another such particle in another universe and had been attracted to it. Indeed, I began to think that the two particles floated away together and had possibly collided elsewhere, if the attraction was strong enough to allow the possibility."
"This guy is talking nonsense." says Officer Grace.
"He's a quantum physicist. He speaks only in nonsense." says Cy.
"Thanks." says Simon.
"Don't mention it." says Cy.
"That still doesn't answer the question of what this has to do with Phil and the bank robbery." says Conrad.
"It will, when Simon sees the evidence that the police has. First, Grace, I think you need to go home and change." says Cy as he tries for another peak under the jacket.
"Don't do that!" says Officer Grace.
Cy lets go of the jacket.
"That's okay, I've seen enough." says Cy.
Officer Grace then takes her leave.
"I hope that what you're doing is the right course of action." says Conrad.
"I hope so, too. Otherwise, we'll run into our own little iceberg." says Cy.
"Cy, what I have is only a theory. What I need is absolute proof in order to free Phil." says Simon.
"Relax, Simon. I know that you're right. If anything, your ideas will enable mankind to go to the stars and explore new worlds." says Cy.
"I'm just a scientist." says Simon.
"That's what Hawking says every day." says Cy.
At the police station, Phil walks inside, handcuffed.
"I brought in the suspect." says the first officer.
"Sergeant, this man is guilty." says Chief McIntyre.
"Not only that, but Officer Grace was with him." says the second officer.
"I would hate to discredit her, but she has possibly conspired with a known criminal." says Chief McIntyre.
The two officers then drag Phil to the processing room, where Phil's fingerprints, measurements, and pictures, are taken. A look of terror keeps on Phil's face throughout all of this.
"All right, put him in the cell." says the first officer and Phil is taken and placed in the jail cell.
Phil sighs and sits himself down on a bench. On another bench, he sees a covered-up person.
"I guess you've also had a bad day." says Phil to the person.
The person says nothing.
"I've just had the time of my life and now, I'm in jail for a crime I didn't commit." says Phil.
The person still remain silent.
Phil, puzzled at his cellmate's lack of speech, decides to see who it is. He gets up and walks over to the person. He pulls back the person, who's facing the wall, and sees the face.
"Thomas!" says Phil. Thomas is asleep.
"Thomas, wake up." says Phil, shaking him.
Thomas stirs from his sleep.
"Who is it?" says Thomas. He then sees Phil's face.
"Phil! Have you decided to spring me?" says Thomas.
"No, unfortunetly, I'm not here on a visit." says Phil.
"What happened?" asks Thomas as he rights himself on the bench.
"They put me in here because they believe I robbed the bank." says Phil.
"It happened! I knew it, I could tell." says Thomas.
"How did you know?" asks Phil.
"I'd tell ya, but you wouldn't believe me. They haven't, so far. Now, it has happened." says Thomas.
"Thomas, I think you're losing it." says Phil.
"Maybe I am. The things I've seen this week make me wonder about my state of mind." says Thomas.
An hour later, Cy, Conrad, Simon, and Officer Grace enter the police station.
"Officer Baker, I see that you're here. Now, I have to tell you... " says Chief McIntyre before he's interrupted.
"Sir, I have some witnesses for Phil." says Officer Grace.
"Go on." says Chief McIntyre.
"Sir, I'm Cy Scott. I know your niece, Polly." says Cy.
"I know. I listen to you every morning, on my niece's advice." says Chief McIntyre.
"We finally have a fan, Conrad." says Cy.
"I'm Conrad Harris." says Conrad.
"I see." says Chief McIntyre.
"And this here is Dr. Simon Yates. He's a quantum physicist." says Cy.
"Why do you need a quantum physicist to help Phil?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Chief, I promise you. This man will help you from ruining the life of an innocent man." says Cy.
"I don't see it." says Chief McIntyre.
"I'll let Simon explain." says Cy.
"Sir, I believe I have the answer to this." says Simon.
"So do I. Phil's face is all over the footage. Case closed." says Chief McIntyre.
"He was with Grace here all night. Don't believe me? I got a look at her this morning and I could tell." says Cy.
"Cy, don't mention that." says Officer Grace.
"Just trying to help Phil's case." says Cy.
"That doesn't help any." says Chief McIntyre.
"Why don't you ask him yourself and I'll tell you. In fact, get out the lie detector and set it up." says Cy.
"I guess I could give him a lie detector test." says Chief McIntyre.
"You can and you will." says Cy.
"Please give him one. I know he's innocent!" says Officer Grace.
"Officer Baker, please calm down. Right down, you're showing outright alliance with Phil and if he's found guilty, you'll join him in prison." says Chief McIntyre.
Officer Grace's face breaks into a profound look.
"I don't care!" says Officer Grace.
"I've never heard a police officer put their personal feelings before the job in my service to the force." says Chief McIntyre.
"I guess we should see Phil while you get the lie detector out." says Cy.
"Go ahead. It's gonna take some time." says Chief McIntyre.
One of Phil's arresting officers guides Cy, Conrad, Simon, and Officer Grace to the jail cell area. As they enter, Phil is sitting on one of the benchs, looking at the muttering Thomas.
"Phil!" cries out Officer Grace.
"Grace?" stirs Phil.
Officer Grace rushes over to the jail cell bars and so does Phil.
"Oh, Phil!" gasps Officer Grace as she falls to her knees.
To Cy, Officer Grace is like a peasant wife, seeing her unjustly-jailed husband before he's beheaded. Officer Grace's oufit is very peasant-like and Cy giggles a bit as he creates the picture in his head of a 15th-century soap opera. Officer Grace breaks into sobbing as Phil pats her hand.
"Phil, we believe you're innocent. In fact, we even brought a scientist here to help you out." says Cy.
"A scientist?" says Phil.
"Actually, a quantum physicist." says Simon.
"Who's that?" asks Phil.
"This is Dr. Simon Yates. We brought him here because he knows how you can be innocent." says Cy.
"How?" asks Phil.
"It's a little complicated." says Simon.
"Do you believe in parallel universes?" asks Cy.
"Not really." says Phil.
"You will when Simon get through explaining." says Cy.
"I will?" says Phil.
"I believe that, through a action of the quantum level, another Phil Turner robbed that bank." says Simon.
"Another Phil Turner?" says Phil in confusion.
"I know it's hard to believe but that's the only way." says Cy.
"Hard to believe?" says Phil.
"That's solves it!" says Thomas, getting up from his bench.
"Solves what?" asks Cy.
"Two nights ago, I was at my old house and I heard voices in the kitchen. I found a small hold in the wall and looked in. There, I swear I saw myself talking to someone. What you said solves the riddle of how I could see myself." says Thomas.
"This merger of universes is usually unnoticeable due to a slight delay but some people must have an ability to overcome and experience the other universe." says Simon.
"I see." says Cy.
"Listen to youselves. You're talking about something that can't happen." says Conrad.
"I concur." says Phil.
"Phil, it's the only way you're getting out of here and it has and is happening." says Cy.
"Really?" queries Phil.
"I know." says Cy.
Through all of this, Officer Grace sits on the floor, sobbing away at the very idea of losing both Phil and her job.
"Grace, do you believe this?" asks Phil.
Officer Grace stops her sobbing and looks up at Simon and Cy.
"I'm beginning to believe what they're saying." says Officer Grace.
"You are? I guess I could." says Phil.
Just then, Chief McIntyre makes his way in.
"Chief." says Cy. Officer Grace sees Chief McIntyre and rises off the floor.
"Sir." she says.
"At ease, Baker." says Chief McIntyre.
"Is everything ready?" asks Cy.
"The lie detector is ready." says Chief McIntyre.
In the same room where Officer Grace questioned Phil six days ago, now gathers Cy, Conrad, Simon, Officer Grace, and Chief McIntyre to once again question Phil, this time about the bank robbery. As Phil is hooked up to the lie detector, he sweats a bit.
"Don't worry, Phil, you know you didn't do it." says Cy.
"I know that." says Phil.
Chief McIntyre sits across from Phil, with his eyes on the moving needles of the lie detector. The tension in the room builds as Chief McIntyre checks the equipment. Finally, with a clearing of the throat, the questioning begins with, "Have you ever committed a crime?"
Phil gulps and says, "No, I haven't."
Chief McIntyre checks the detector and moves on.
"Do you know any criminals?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Not really." says Phil.
"Did you ever receive any offers to commit crime?" asks Chief McIntyre.
At that moment, Phil digs into his memory and searches for an answer,
"Well, only once." says Phil.
"Could you explain that?" asks Chief McIntyre, gazing at the detector.
Phil speaks, "Well, when I was ten, Thomas Cinder, my bully, offered me an opportunity to join him in a prank that would require doing many bad and illegal things. I had a knowledge of the school and I could tell how to avoid detection. As a means of sweeting the deal, he offered to be my friend and he would introduce his father to my mother, both were single. Well, I told him no and he went and did it anyway but things went wrong and he ended up dropping out at 13."
Chief McIntyre writes this down and continues his questioning.
"Beyond that, did you ever receive offers to commit any crimes?" says Chief McIntyre.
"No, never. That was the only time. I'll admit, many times, I would accepted the offer but I wouldn't then and I wouldn't now." says Phil.
With a cough, Chief McIntyre continued his questioning.
"Where were your whereabouts yesterday?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Well, I was on a date with Grace. We went to Sally's Diner and we ate and we danced a bit. Then, we went home and had some coffee and then, we... " says Phil, gesturing a bit to indicate the next activity.
"I get it." says Chief McIntyre.
"As do I. Chief, that's the one thing that should tell you that he was nowhere near the bank last night. If offered between sex and robbing a bank, I would choose the sex. There's less to answer to in the morning." says Cy.
"He could have been lying about that." says Chief McIntyre.
"No way. I got a look at the evidence. Believe me, no one would go that far without having been in a position, or two." says Cy.
Officer Grace shoots a look at Cy.
"That won't hurt me." says Cy.
Officer Grace then gives Cy a kick in the back of the knee.
"Now that hurts." says Cy.
"Settle down." says Chief McIntyre.
"Okay." says Cy.
"Now, is what you told the truth?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Yes, it is the truth. That's what I've been saying since I got here. Cy and Simon have this idea that who robbed the bank was me from a parallel universe." says Phil.
"Parallel universe?" queries Chief McInytre.
Simon steps forward and speaks,
"Imagine if you will that our universe, the one we call home, is only but one in a infinite number of universes. Some are different, some are the same. Now, I'm part of a group trying to prove the existence of other universes and I managed to create a strange quantum particle that linked up with another such particle in a parallel universe and collided. At this moment, there are two Hyperions. Due to a slight delay, the other Hyperion is never seen but some people can actually overcome the delay and shift between worlds. Phil, or the Phil from the other Hyperion, is one of these people."
"Young man... " says Chief McIntyre before he is interupted by Cy, "That's Dr. Simon Yates. A grad of MIT and has just returned from a trip to the Large Hadron Collider."
"If what you say is true, then Phil is innocent, but I still believe that this Phil is guility. I mean, his face is all over the videotape from the bank." says Chief McIntyre.
"Chief, any robber knows to cover his face before robbing a bank, as to avoid being detected once the crime is over, but the person who robbed the bank didn't cover his face at all." says Cy.
"How did you know that the robber's face was uncovered?" queries Chief McIntyre.
"You've been talking about it and he never asked if Phil wore a mask for any reason." says Cy.
"Well, his face is on that tape and I know he's guilty." says Chief McIntyre.
"I wish I could stay and argue but I have a show in about five hours and we need to go over this week's material. Come on, Conrad." says Cy, who then takes his leave, with Conrad following behind.
"It looks like that the only thing that can save you is a scientist." says Chief McIntyre.
"I believe in what Simon has said." says Officer Grace.
"I'm even starting to believe." says Phil.
"Chief, I would like to take over the questioning for a minute, I have my own questions." says Simon.
"Go ahead, but I don't think you'll do better." says Chief McIntyre, getting out of the chair. Simon sits himself in the chair and begins,
"Have you ever taken an I.Q. test?"
"What kind of question is that?" asks Phil.
"Just answer it." says Simon.
"Yes, I have." says Phil.
"What was the score?" asks Simon.
"About 153." says Phil.
"That's above average. In fact, that's almost genius level." says Simon.
"I know. What does that have to do with the bank robbery?" says Phil.
"If you had actually committed the bank robbery, would you done what they said?" asks Simon.
"Well, I guess if I could answer truthfully, I would, except for the face, I would cover it." says Phil.
"Then, if you suddenly adquired the knowledge that you could shift between two universes and the other universe contained a version of you, would you commit crimes so you could get the blame placed on him?" asks Simon.
Phil looks at Simon and replies, "Yes, I would."
"You say, Chief McIntyre, I believe that the other Phil has the same intelligence as this Phil and is using it to plan crimes, including the robbery of the bank. Since he can escape into another universe, the money would never be recovered and the Phil of this world would receive the blame." says Simon.
"Well, this is all an act. There's no way this can happen." says Chief McIntyre.
"I do have a means of proving it." says Simon.
"With what?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"With the video from the bank." says Simon.
"I'll get it but it won't help." says Chief McIntyre.
"Believe me, it will. I know because there's something you're missing here." says Simon.
"Just keep talking because I know three people whose lives are about to take a left turn." says Chief McIntyre as he leaves the room.
After five minutes, Chief McIntyre returns with a TV set and a video machine.
"Here we go. I've got the tape from the bank ready to go." says Chief McIntyre as he plugs the set in.
Chief McIntyre then walks over to the set and pushes the play button. As the video plays, the robbery plays out before the three. In it, Phil and two others raid the bank's main vault and clear it of money, stuffing it into trash bags and carrying it away with them.
"How is this helping me? I can see me do it." says Phil.
"But it's the Phil from the other universe and I can tell." says Simon.
"How so?" asks Officer Grace.
"Look at that person. That's, I believe, Thomas Cinder." says Simon.
Sure enough, Thomas can be spotted, walking away with a bag of money.
"What's so important about that?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Very simple. How can Thomas Cinder help rob the bank when he's in jail?" says Simon.
"Thomas has been in jail." says Phil.
"And he has said that he saw himself and two other discuss robbing the bank." says Simon with a grin.
"I don't believe it." says Chief McIntyre.
"My first thought would be to free Phil." says Simon.
"What do I tell the bank?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Tell them the money was lost, they'll believe that." says Simon.
"What about Phil?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Tell them that Phil's indentical twin robbed the bank, they'll also believe that." says Simon.
"That should cover it." says Chief McIntyre.
Officer Grace then removes the lie detector sensors and then hugs Phil.
"Phil, you're free." says Officer Grace.
"Say, Dr. Yates?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Call me Simon." says Simon.
"Simon, could you see to it to become our stuff scientist?" asks Chief McIntyre. "I'll take it. Just reach me at my office in Detroit. I'll give you my number later." says Simon.
"Oh, I don't care. I'm just happy that Phil is free." says Officer Grace.
"I'm happy I'm free, too." says Phil.
"I guess I should call Cy and Conrad and tell them the news." says Officer Grace. "Go do that." says Phil.
At the radio station, Cy and Conrad sit in the green room, arguing over the topics for that week's episode of the duo's weekend series, The Quantum Argonauts.
"Conrad, I'm not gonna argue over the idea of a sequel to Demolition Man." says Cy.
"I'm think that a sequel would solve questions about the first movie." says Conrad. "No, Conrad. The reason that the movie has questions is that no one cares about the plot. They took a great book and turned it into a Hollywood fantasy." says Cy.
"I agree on that." says Conrad.
"You bet." says Cy.
Just then, the phone rings in the green room.
"I wonder who's on the phone?" wonders Cy as he walks to the phone.
Cy picks up the phone and hears the voice of the lobby receptionist.
"You have a call." says the receptionist.
"Patch it in." says Cy.
The call is routed and Officer Grace's voice comes over the receiver.
"Cy, I've got great news, Phil is free!" says Office Grace.
"Conrad, it's Grace, Phil has been freed." says Cy.
"I guess Simon managed to do it." says Conrad.
"Simon must have done a number." says Cy.
"He managed to get Chief McIntyre to see your theory." says Officer Grace. "That's great. Listen, can you do me one favor?" says Cy.
"What is it?" asks Officer Grace.
"Could you free Thomas for me. I promise to send the bail money I get paid again." says Cy.
"I'll do that." says Officer Grace.
"And bring him over to my house." says Cy.
"Got it." says Officer Grace.
"Good day." says Cy as he hangs up.
"Phil is free and I'm getting a house guest." says Cy.
"I can't believe you'd take in a ex-con." says Conrad.
"He has as much right as anyone else. He just didn't them for awhile." says Cy. "You're a wonderful human being, Cy." says Conrad.
"Everyone knows that. Maybe we can still invite Simon onto our show." says Cy. "Go and call him." says Conrad.
That afternoon, after Cy and Conrad have completed their weekend show, Cy takes Thomas to live with him.
"Wow, what a place." says Thomas as he and Cy enter.
"Thanks. I make sure to keep things to my taste." says Cy.
"I can live with that." says Thomas.
"Good to know, good to know." says Cy.
Thomas then sees the painting of Cy and his mother.
"Who's that lady in the picture?" asks Thomas as he walks up to the picture, hanging over the fireplace.
"That's my mother." says Cy.
"She's looks nice." says Thomas.
"She had to be, she was an actress." says Cy.
"An actress?" says Thomas.
"Her name is Debralee Scott. She worked in television and a few movies. She was on a couple of grounbreakers." says Cy.
"Where is she now?" asks Thomas.
Cy then walks over to the fireplace and picks up an urn from the mantle.
"She's right here." says Cy as he gives him the urn.
"When did she die?" asks Thomas.
"Almost five years ago." says Cy.
Thomas then looks and sees the writing on the urn. First, he sees the name of Cy's mother, under it "1953-2005'. Then, he sees some more writing.
"'In my hour of darkness, in my time of need, oh lord grant me vision, oh lord grant me speed.'." reads Thomas.
"My mother's epitaph. I chose it for her. It's the chorus to a Gram Parsons song. I thought it fit her well." says Cy.
"You sure must like your mother." says Thomas.
"Proud is more like it." says Cy.
"I can't even remember mine. She died giving birth to me." says Thomas.
"Sorry to hear that." says Cy.
"It's okay. You can't miss what you never had." says Thomas.
"My mother would have liked you. She always believed in second chances." says Cy.
"Nice to hear that." says Thomas.
"Let me show you the place where you'll be living." says Cy as he takes back the urn and puts in back on the mantle.
Cy and Thomas then move away from the mantle and into a small hallway. Cy then leads Thomas into the room at the other end of the hallway.
"Here you are." says Cy as he and Thomas enter the room.
"This is nice." says Thomas as he takes in the room.
"I know it is." says Cy.
"Where will you sleep?" asks Thomas.
"Where I always do, on my easy chair." says Cy.
"So, I get a whole room?" asks Thomas.
"All yours." says Cy.
"Thanks a lot." says Thomas as he walks over to the bed.
The next day, Cy, Conrad, Thomas, Simon, Phil, and Officer Grace are sitting at Cy's dining room table, having a Sunday brunch at Cy's request.
"Here's to the newest couple in Hyperion, Phil and Grace." says Cy, offering a toast.
"I can't believe I'm in this house." says Officer Grace, noting the various things in Cy's house.
"It's personal taste. I always dress my section of the universe to fit." says Cy. "You've succeed." says Phil.
"I know." says Cy.
"Well, I guess I should go back to my house." says Thomas.
"Nonsense, the way you said it looked? You can stay here until the house is fixed back up." says Cy.
"Thanks. I just hope that the universes get uncrossed." says Thomas.
"Well, the collision is starting to subside and the energy will eventually cause the universes to separate." says Simon.
"I hope so. Maybe when this is over, we can move on with our lives." says Cy.
Just then, a gunshot rings out and a bullet flies through Cy's kitchen window.
"I wonder who that is?" says Cy as he gets up from the table.
He walks over to the glass-paned backdoors and looks out. For a moment, Cy can't believe his eyes.
"Guys, I believe that our problems aren't over yet." says Cy.
"Why do you say that?" asks Conrad.
"Because that other Phil is in our backyard and he's got a gun." says Cy.
Cy slides the door open and steps outside as everyone else gets up from the table. When Phil steps outside, the other Phil speaks, "My counterpart. We meet at last. Too bad it's a short meeting."
"You caused trouble for me this week." says Phil.
"I did, didn't I. You helped me a bit. You even sent those FBI agents off my tail. They think I don't notice them following me in their car." says the other Phil.
"That explains my feeling of being followed." thinks Phil.
"Let me tell you, I enjoyed this week but since we both on the outside, one of us needs to go away." says the other Phil.
"I hope it's you." says Phil.
"I thinking you. You see, you're free now but not when they discover a few bodies dead in your backyard, killed by this gun." says the other Phil.
"What's that got to do with me?" asks Phil.
"The fact that this gun has my, and therefore, your fingerprints will cause the police to have proof of your criminal side and they'll put you in prison for life. Meanwhile, I'll travel this new world and commit crimes that no one can solve because the culpit is in prison." says the other Phil.
"That's an interesting plan. Too bad you can't do anything." says Cy.
"Really? I see four victims in front of me and four bodies is all I need to get this Phil put away while I have the world's greatest crime wave." says the other Phil.
"He intends on murdering us and blaming you." says Cy to Phil.
"I know." says Phil.
"I hate to stay long but I feel the universes drifting apart and I don't wish to return to mine." says the other Phil.
"I guess my life's over." says Conrad.
"Not in a million years, Conrad." says Simon.
"What plan do you have for us now?" whispers Phil.
"Easy, Phil. Since he's you, he can't truly exist in our world. All you have to do is touch him and the reaction will send him back to his world." says Simon.
"Really? Then how are we gonna stop him from firing that gun if Phil tries?" says Cy.
"Distraction. It'll work." says Simon.
"I'll do it. Hey, the other Phil. I guess you've had a great wave of crime in ten years." says Cy.
The other Phil takes the bait and starts talking, "I have. That prank that Thomas hired me for was great. Because of me, I spotted several mistakes and fixed them. When the prank occurred, I got such a rush, I decided to keep going. I came up with plans and me and Thomas did them all.
"No one could catch because I always planned an escape. In high school, I prefected my craft. I started with small crimes but they grew in size. With my deeds, I gained a few friends. I even got the girl of my dreams with a diamond neckless I stole."
"Evangeline." says Phil, standing a foot from the other Phil.
The other Phil speaks, "That's right. She didn't die in that car accident and she's still alive. It's too bad I'll never see her again but I won't miss her much. You see, I grew tired of her after awhile but I kept her for... personal purposes. It keeps things going. I also threaten to kill her if she ever left me, because she's the only one who knows where I live."
"You're a terrible person. I can't believe that you're me." says Phil.
"Me, neither. I should start killing your friends now." says the other Phil. "Really? If I touch you, everything will return to normal." says Phil.
"You're not touching me. I wanna stay here." says the other Phil.
"Too bad." says Phil as he places his hand on the other Phil's shoulder.
In a flash, a wave washes over the area and for a moment, everything is in limbo. Then, the flash dies down and the other Phil is gone.
"The universes are now apart." says Simon.
"I'm gald that's over." says Phil.
"So am I." says Cy.
As the sun rises on Hyperion this Monday, Cy walks his way to the radio station, the events of last week still rushing through his head. As he walks, he looks at the sights and wonders if anyone else suffered during last week's merger of the universes. Cy makes his way through the downtown as the sun rises a little further in the sky.
Cy soon makes it to the radio station and walks inside.
"They'll never know." says Cy to himself as he walks into the hallway that leads to the green room. As Cy enters the green room, he spots Phil at the old pinball machine.
"Good morning, Phil." says Cy as he enters.
"Good morning to you, Cy." says Phil.
"How's your day been so far?" asks Cy.
"Good, unless you bumped into Officer Grace again." says Phil.
"I didn't, Phil. Man, what a week last week was." says Cy.
"Don't I know it?" says Phil.
Just then, Conrad walks into the room.
"Good morning, Phil." says Conrad.
"Good morning, Conrad." says Phil as he hits the flipper.
"Easy on that machine, we can't replace it." says Conrad.
"I wish they would." says Phil.
"How's Thomas?" asks Conrad.
"He's doing fine. Tomorrow, we're gonna go back to his old house and check it out, see if it can be saved and to see if any of the stolen goods survived the shockwave from yesterday." says Cy.
"Speaking of which, where's Simon?" says Conrad.
"He went back to Detroit this morning. He left before I woke up." says Cy.
"I guess he didn't want to explain if stuff just appeared." says Conrad.
"He wanted to get back to his own experiments." says Cy.
"How's Thomas taking living with you?" asks Conrad.
"I don't know. He's only lived with me a day and a half so far." says Cy.
"Maybe Phil can show him the ropes. You know, to heal the rift between them." says Conrad.
"Maybe I will talk to him. He seems different." says Phil.
"Maybe we can get him together with Conrad's sister here." says Cy.
"No thanks. I don't want Thomas to even look at her." says Conrad.
"Subject closed. New one open, we need to increase our ratings a bit." says Cy.
"I have no ideas on the subject." says Phil.
"Maybe you can tell our listeners a story." says Conrad.
"I'll think about it." says Cy.
"Maybe one about his mother and the shows she's done." says Phil.
"Most of those stories are not for the airwaves and the remaining ones are dull to others." says Cy.
"Let's move on, then." says Phil.
"Let us do." says Conrad.

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This concludes the two-part opening story, "The Crossover in Hyperion", which helps to start off our new series, The Quantum Argonauts, which we hope will become a cornerstone of our Saturday night lineup.

Next week, we will have a special halloween edition of The Quantum Argonauts, in which Cy tells a story for the benefit of his radio audience.

Now, stay tuned here on USBC Television for The Sara Gilbert Show.

This is USBC Television.

Upon Us, The Quantum Argonauts: Part I

Ladies and gentlemen, I wish now to re-begin the series from the start. My previous ideas for the series were located in the text of the post but I've decided to re-written the two-part opener and begin a new way of doing the series.

The following is the brand-new opener of the series, titled, "Upon Us, The Quantum Argonauts". This is just the new part one. Part two will be re-posted as soon as it's revised.

I felt it bad that my series began on a note I have since discarded but this has taught me about the inner workings of writing.

I now re-begin what I call "A TV show without the TV".

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a quiet Sunday in the town of Hyperion, Michigan as the citizenery all put their heads on their pillows as the week concludes on a quiet note. This is a scene that plays every night in Hyperion.
However, this night, a young woman is walking the streets alone, as she makes her way home after a small party, which dot the social scene in the town. As she walks, she whistles an old tune, to keep her mind sane in the darkness.
Meanwhile, in that darkness, a figure moves slowly and greatly through it, his footsteps unheard as the yound woman continues her walk down the street. The October air is covered by a low chill, hinting at the seasonal change to come.
The dark figure moves his way slowly closer and closer to her as she continues to walk and whistle. A footstep soon flies into the young woman's ear, causing her to stop for a second and look around. She sees no sign of the dark figure and keeps moving on down the street.
The dark figure moves closer and closer until he is almost upon her. He then, with ruthless zest, pounces on the young woman and forces himself upon her, grunting as he does his terrible task. After a few minutes, he lets up and runs back into the darkness, leaving his victim helpless on the sidewalk.
As Monday morning rises on the small town of Hyperion, the action shifts to the building occupied by the radio station WHYP 102.3 FM.
Inside the station's white-walled green room, one of the many radio hosts, Cyrus Scott is reading a magazine. His dress is very interesting. In one way, he is dressed in formal casual, as he calls it, in a blue jacket, large red ascot, and blue pants. In another way, it is very unusual. The jacket and pants are blue demin. The jacket has four pockets in the front and two inner pockets. The undershirt is a white button shirt.
His hair, covered by a worn cowboy hat, is a reddish-brown tint, the same as his mother, and his face is partly unshaven. Attached to the hat and jacket are colonel's eagles, inherited from his namesake.
"I wonder who's gonna my mother's character in this Welcome Back, Kotter movie? Maybe Lindsay Lohan?" says Cyrus, or 'Cy', as he likes to be called, to himself.
He is then interupted by a knock at the door. He looks to the door and spots one of Hyperion's finest, Officer Grace Baker.
"Well, if it isn't Officer Grace, our friendly neighborhood police officer." says Cy as he puts down the magazine.
"Hello, Cy." says Officer Grace as she enters the room.
"What brings you around here? No one here committed a crime, did they?" asks Cy.
"Nothing of the sort. Listen, I wanna let you know first that I spent a lot of time discussing this with Chief McIntyre because I trust you to break the news to the town at large." says Officer Grace.
"Officer Grace, please spit out whatever information you wish to pass on to me." says Cy.
"Okay, there's been a rape." says Officer Grace.
"Where?" asks Cy.
"Here." says Officer Grace.
"Where here?" asks Cy.
"In Hyperion, last night." says Officer Grace.
"You're kidding?" asks Cy.
"I'm not, Cy. There was a rape and rather than release it to the papers, I talked Chief McIntyre into having the news revealed on your show." says Officer Grace.
"Let me get this straight, a rape has occurred in Hyperion?" says Cy.
"I know it's hard to believe for you, but I have the details written down here." says Officer Grace as she hands over a notepad.
Cy reads the notepad for a few moments before speaking, "It sounds like a rape to me. I'll give it to Conrad to read." says Cy.
"Thanks, Cy. I know I can count on you." says Officer Grace, looking toward the door.
"Phil is in the control room, watching over Barry and Terry." says Cy.
"I guess so. He is the station's only intern." says Officer Grace.
"And doing so well." says Cy.
"See ya later, Cy." says Officer Grace, who then makes her leave.
"What a day, and it's only just started." says Cy.
"Hello, Cy." says Conrad Harris, one of the other radio show hosts and Cy's best friend.
He's all dressed up in his wool vest, with Cliff Huxatable-type colors and shapes printed on it, with straight black tie and white button shirt. His hair is a light blonde, cut into a mod-type style and stranded.
"Good morning, Conrad." says Cy, still reading the notepad.
"What are you reading?" asks Conrad.
"A notepad with information given to me by Officer Grace." says Cy.
"Yeah, I saw her leave the room as I came in. What did she want?" says Conrad.
"This notepad tells of a rape that occurred last night." says Cy.
"You're kidding?" asks Conrad.
"The same thing I said to Officer Grace, and it's the truth." says Cy.
"Let me see that." says Conrad to Cy, who then hands over the notepad.
"I can't believe what it says." says Cy.
"Me, neither. How shall we break this news?" says Conrad.
"I think we should tell the news at the beginning of the show. That way, we can spend a lot of time going over it." says Cy.
"I thought my father had moved us back to Hyperion to get away from this." says Conrad.
"Me, too." says Cy.
"You moved here for a different reason. You needed a place to go after your mother died." says Conrad.
"Don't remind me. I've always had a little resentment for New York City, where I spent 15 years of my life." says Cy.
"You'll get over it." says Conrad.
"Come on now, we've got a show to do." says Cy, who then makes his leave along with Conrad.
Meanwhile, in the booth of the radio studio, is 21-year-old station intern Phil Turner, dressed in a blue shirt and pants, one of the station's many interns.
"Almost time." says Phil to the engineer at his soundboard.
"Yes, but no sign of both." says the engineer.
"They're in the green room." says Phil.
"Then why are you here?" asks the engineer.
"So I can keep an eye on the clock and these two." says Phil.
"They're not going anywhere." says the engineer.
"I can see that." says Phil.
Just then, Cy and Conrad walk into the control room.
"Hello, Conrad." says Phil.
"Good morning, Phil." says Conrad.
"Same here, Phil." says Cy.
"Monday morning. What a day." says Phil.
"It's only morning." says Conrad.
"What's that?" asks Phil, pointing to the notepad.
"This is interesting news, my friend." says Cy.
"Where did you get it from?" asks Phil.
"From Officer Grace." says Cy.
"Officer Grace?" says Phil with a slight blush on his face.
"That's right. Your favorite crush." says Cy.
"It's not like that at all." says Phil.
"Then why do you sound so nervous right now?" asks Cy.
"Get off me, Cy." says Phil.
"This is WHYP, the voice of Hyperion. It's about 9:00 am here and we're about to hand over the mike to the the Cy & Conrad Show, so stay tuned to this station!" says Barry, one half of the duo Barry & Terry, the hosts of the WHYP Morning Show.
"Time to go in." says Cy.
"Steady." says Conrad.
Cy and Conrad then rush into the studio, passing Barry and Terry as they do. Cy emits a low hiss as they pass. Cy and Conrad then take their positions at the mikes as they begin their show. As the opening theme for their show ends, Cy speaks into the mike with gusto.
"Welcome to the WHYP Mid-Morning Show, starring yours truly, Cy Scott and his sidekick, Conrad Harris. As today's program begins, it's a beautiful Monday morning." says Cy in his radio announcer's voice.
"Yes, I believe today is Monday, which means we have twice the work to do." says Conrad.
"Don't say twice the work to our listeners." says Cy.
"Oh, right." says Conrad.
"And we begin our day by observing Columbus Day. I can't believe we still celebrate a man whose greatest thing was getting lost." says Cy.
"I wouldn't say he was lost." says Conrad.
"Well, he wanted to find a new route to Asia and died believing he had done so. Even when he died, people knew that the lands he found were the new world." says Cy.
"I can't argue with you there." says Conrad.
"And now, folks, I wish now to impart some information that has just arrived in my hand via the Hyperion Police Department." says Cy.
"Do tell what it is." says Conrad.
"The news is that a rape has occurred in Hyperion last night, at about 8:12 pm." says Cy.
"Shocking." says Conrad.
"Yes, it is. The victim is 21-year-old Elizabeth Shaw... " says Cy as his voice trails off.
"Liz Shaw?" says Conrad.
"Yes. I guess that name is possible outside the world of fiction." says Cy.
"Any more details besides the name?" asks Conrad.
"Just what I said before. Since the victim, in typical fashion, was attacked from behind, no look at him was obtained." says Cy.
"That's the usual M.O." says Conrad.
"Cy Scott, Community Bulletin Board." remarks Phil.
"You know, I feel that crime around here is an oxymoron. I mean, we're not one of those big cities." says Cy.
"I feel like it at times." remarks the police chief.
Officer Grace arrives back at the police station, Cy and Conrad still talking.
"Those two should stop once in a while." says Officer Grace.
"Remember, those two are against Barry & Terry." says Polly McIntyre, the 22-year-old niece of the police chief, with blackish-brown hair, piled on her head and wearing a mini-skirted dress with a scarf around the middle, with another one around her neck.
. "I know." says Officer Grace as she enters the police station and spots police chief Dave McIntyre, talking to Mr. Shaw, the rape victim's father.
"Officer Baker." says Chief McIntyre to Officer Grace.
"What help have you now?" asks Mr. Shaw.
"Nothing for you now." says Officer Grace.
"I see you've informed the public, like those two are any help.
"Well, I hope many of you are enjoying this Monday morning, including the man who happened to name his daughter Elizabeth Shaw." says Cy on the radio.
"He thinks he can make fun of me." says Mr. Shaw.
"Leave him alone." says Chief McIntyre.
"Okay, just see that you get my daughter's virtue back." says Mr. Shaw.
"That's not our department, Mr. Shaw." says Chief McIntyre.
"Are you sure of that, Chief?" asks Officer Grace.
"Knock it off, Officer Baker." says Chief McIntyre.
"I tell you, my daughter has been violated." says Mr. Shaw.
"We're working on it." says Chief McIntyre as he takes a sip of his coffee.
"And now, for some of you workaholics, here's a Rick Moranis song called 'Nine More Gallons'." says Cy on the radio as he plays the song.
"He certainly knows his music." says Officer Grace.
"He spents his time looking up interesting songs. He's found some gems and he plays them." says Polly.
"I want justice for my daughter!" says Mr. Shaw.
"Calm down, Mr. Shaw." says Chief McIntyre.
"If you're not gonna do your job, I'll do it for you." says Mr. Shaw.
"I don't approve of vigilante justice, especially for stupid reasons like that." says Chief McIntyre.
"I'll show you stupid." says Mr. Shaw, who then storms out of the police station.
"I don't like that tone, if you know what I mean." says Officer Grace.
"Me, neither." says Polly.
The day soon moves into the night and darkness falls back onto Hyperion. Across town, a woman is also putting to bed. She's a woman, about 40, thought she would never admit it. As she readies for bed, she thinks she hears a noise outside. She brushes it off and walks to her bed.
Little does she know but a pair of eyes are staring at her throught the window of the bedroom. She lays down on the bed with thoughts of her life the next morning, working away in some office, waiting for Mr. Right to come. She turns off the light and dozes her way into dreamland.
Outside, the pair of eyes moves away from the window and towards her backdoor. The pair of eyes belong to a man, his face is covered with a mask, to prevent identification. As he inches to the door, he makes nary a sound.
He soon reaches the door and looks under the mat and discovers the woman's back-door key. He places the key into the doorknob and opens it but only two inches before being stopped by the door chain, keeping the door closed.
Unfazed, the man places his hand over the door chain and feels around his pocket. He soon locates a tiny, hand-made saw. The blade is long enough to reach through the door. He places the saw around the door chain on his saw and saws through the wood around the door chain.
With a little effort, he manages to separate the door chain from the door. He soon pushes the door open all the way. He rushes into the kitchen and scans the area.
He then rushes into the living room and makes another scan. Secure, he makes his way up a flight of stairs to the second floor. Scaning, he spies the bedroom, closed. He soon makes his way to the bedroom door and slowly opens it.
The creeky door moves the woman from her sleep and she opens her eyes. As she slowly moves her head up, she feels something pile on top of her. The man then forces himself on her, like his last victim. When he's finishes, he moves quickly away, leaving the victim to wallow.
The night continues onwards until the morning sun arrives, beginning another Tuesday for everyone in Hyperion.
For Phil, his morning routine goes smoothly and he soon arrives at the radio station ahead of Cy and Conrad. Just in time to see Barry & Terry regale the town for their two-hour morning show. As Phil looks on, he feels something a little off about his surroundings. As he watches the drivetime duo at work, he hears the control room door open and it is Cy.
"Morning, Phil. Have a good night sleep?" says Cy, holding a small cup of coffee. "I did, and you?" says Phil.
"The same. I feel the Tuesday morning blues, man. I'm one of those people who have it out for Tuesday as a day of the week. My mother died on a Tuesday, so I have a little more reason to hate it." says Cy.
"I hear ya." says Phil.
"Besides, Tuesday is the day the station does its series about law enforcement, which features Officer Grace in a starrring role." says Cy.
"That's right. Who's the host this week?" says Phil.
"Believe it or not, I checked the schedule and it's my turn." says Cy.
"Another guest host." says Phil.
"Hard to believe the old host decided to go to law school and become a lawyer in Chicago." says Cy.
Just then, Conrad comes in, with an interesting look on his face.
"Conrad, how are you this morning?" asks Cy.
"I'm fine, but I just had an interesting encounter when I got in." says Conrad. "What or who with?" asks Cy.
"Someone, said he knows Phil here." says Conrad.
"Well, did he give you a name?" asks Cy.
"He did. He said his name was Thomas." says Conrad.
"Thomas? Did you know anyone named Thomas?" says Cy.
"Well, I think a few." says Phil.
"He said that his last name was Cinder." says Conrad.
"Thomas Cinder." says Phil.
"Oh, no, he's back." says Phil.
"What are you talking about?" asks Conrad.
"Thomas Cinder was my bully in elementary school." says Phil.
"That's interesting." says Cy.
"I wonder what he wants with me." says Phil.
"Maybe he wants all the lunch money you owe him." says Cy.
"Where is he now?" asks Phil.
"He's in the green room." says Conrad.
"I'll go talk to him." says Phil.
"Meanwhile, me and Conrad will talk to the citizens of Hyperion." says Cy.
Phil leaves the control room, wondering why his old bully wants to see him. As Barry & Terry sign off for another day, Phil makes his way down the hallway to the green room.
As Phil enters, he sees a man sitting in one of the green chairs, with a confused look upon his face. He is dressed in a brown jacket. Underneath it is a blue button shirt, with the jacket hiding the prison number printed on it.
"Thomas?" says Phil.
The man looks up and spots Phil.
"Phil, nice to see you." says Thomas.
"I wish I could say the same." says Phil.
"I see." says Thomas.
"How did you find me here?" asks Phil as he walks to a chair across from Thomas.
"I asked an old friend of mine where you were and he told me that you worked here." says Thomas.
"I see. What is it that you needed to see me about?" says Phil.
"Well, I just got out of prison, you know, and I decided to come back here." says Thomas.
"I knew that you would go to prison." says Phil.
"I had that coming. When I was young, I did many a bad thing, including bullying you." says Thomas.
"Well, I grew up nicely." says Phil.
"Good. Now, when I got here, I tried to start a new life." says Thomas.
"That's helpful." says Phil.
"And I wish to start by making you one of my friends." says Thomas.
"No way, Thomas." says Phil.
"Come on, give me a chance." says Thomas.
"In what way?" asks Phil.
"Please, I'm beggin' ya." says Thomas.
"Forget it." says Phil.
"Well, I hope you could help me." says Thomas.
"Me, help you? You're bonkers." says Phil.
"I know, but I can't help it. I need to figure out things." says Thomas.
"Well, my memories of the past say I shouldn't help you." says Phil.
"You almost did, once." says Thomas.
"I remember, and I turned you down." says Phil.
"Yes, I know that, but I was hoping that you would accept this offer." says Thomas.
"You are definitely losing your mind." says Phil.
"I think I am." says Thomas as he gets up from his chair.
"Listen, I wish I could help." says Phil as he gets up.
"I wish you could, too." says Thomas as he and Phil walk to the door.
"Well, I guess I have no more to say." says Phil as they exit the green room.
"I guess so. See ya." says Thomas as he walks away, down the hallway, towards the front door.
Phil walks back to the control room and watches the rest of Cy and Conrad's show. When the show is over, Phil walks back to the green room with Cy.
"So, how did your talk with Thomas go?" asks Cy.
"Oh, it went... well." says Phil.
"Come on, Phil. Tell me, what did he want?" says Cy.
"He wanted me to help him." says Phil.
"Help him with what?" asks Cy.
"He wanted me to help him start a new life." says Phil.
"What's wrong with that?" asks Cy.
"How can I have feelings of friendship between us when there isn't any?" says Phil.
"Are you sure you two weren't friends?" queries Cy.
"I'm sure. I remember no memory of me and Thomas being friends." says Phil. "Did he say anything else?" asks Cy.
"Nothing, just that he wished us to be friends now." says Phil.
"Well, most ex-cons have a hard time staying out of trouble." says Cy.
"I guess it was the workings of a tortured mind." says Phil.
"I guess so." says Cy.
"Well, I guess I better help you get ready." says Phil.
"Good, I got a book here that will help us." says Cy.
"Law for Dummies?" says Phil.
"It was the only book I could get at the library that I can understand." says Cy. "It's just like you to do that." says Phil.
"Can it, Phil. I'm trying to handle this. I didn't ask for it." says Cy.
"Well, maybe Mr. Gold will actually hire someone else to do the show." says Phil. "I know Mr. Gold and as long as he can use his still-on-the-payroll employees, he'll never go to the trouble of hiring someone." says Cy.
"If you say so." says Phil.
"Now, let's get to work reading this and figuring out what I will say to our panel." says Cy.
"Let's do that." says Phil.
That evening, at 8:00 pm, Cy takes the mike in the studio, where sits three people across from him, including Officer Grace. Phil looks on from the control room.
Cy speaks into the mike in his radio voice, "And now, it's eight o'clock here on WHYP on Tuesday. So, that means it's time for our Tuesday night series on the world of the law, the WHYP Law School. As always, we have our panel of law experts, each from different levels of law enforcement. We have Judge Gus Sheperd, our lawyer Mike Armstrong, and police officer Grace Baker of the Hyperion Police Department. I'm your guest host this week, Cy Scott. Now, I have a batch of questions here for you, and we'll have some phone calls coming in during the show."
"He's gettting it." says the engineer.
"I think we learned enough." says Phil.
"Now, let's get to our first question, and it's a listener question. 'If you set your house on fire, would that be considered arson?'." says Cy.
Officer Grace answers first and as she tells the radio audience that it would depend on how the fire was started, Phil just looks at her. The lawyer and the judge concur and Cy moves on to a phone question.
"I have a question for the police officer." says the man on the phone.
"Go on." says Officer Grace.
"Well, let's say someone rapes your daughter and the police do nothing to help you, is that against the law?" says the man on the phone, who Phil and Officer Grace figure out is Mr. Shaw.
"Mr. Shaw, I told you, we can't do anything right now." says Officer Grace. "How did you know it was me?" asks Mr. Shaw.
"Your voice was familiar." says Officer Grace.
"Mr. Shaw, if you don't have a real question... " says Cy.
"That was a real question and I would like an answer." says Mr. Shaw.
"Please answer so we can get rid of him." whispers Cy to Officer Grace.
Officer Grace proceeds to answer Mr. Shaw's question,
"Mr. Shaw, if there is enough evidence to suggest the identity of the man who raped your daughter, he will be arrested."
"I hope that answers your question, Mr. Shaw." says Cy as he cuts off the call, as so he can spare the listening audience any further comments from Mr. Shaw.
"What a nutcase." says the engineer to Phil.
"I know it." says Phil.
"Before I go any further again, I must inform our audience of the second rape reported today, which the investigation is at the same level as the first one." says Cy.
Phil watches the rest of the show as Cy shows off his new knowledge of the law.
When the show ends, Cy signs off and the panel members get out of their chairs and head for the door, except Officer Grace, who walks over to Cy. Phil looks on and sees Officer Grace whisper something in Cy's ear.
Phil can't tell anything due to the soundproof nature of the control room. Officer Grace then backs away and Cy gets up from his chair. Cy then walks into the control room, followed by Officer Grace.
"Phil, I believe Officer Grace would like to talk to you." says Cy.
"Okay." gulps Phil as Officer Grace walks over.
"Take your time." says Cy as he walks to a corner of the room.
"I'll leave now." says the engineer as he switches to some NPR feed for the night and leave the control room.
"Well, what do you want?" asks Phil.
"Well, Cy has told me that you may have a crush on me." says Officer Grace.
Phil looks over at Cy, who gives a little wave.
"Well, maybe a little crush but I would never go too far." says Phil.
"Because of our ages?" queries Officer Grace.
"No, I mean, you're... 32 and I'm... 21 and that's no reason." says Phil in his best babble.
"Don't let that get in the way because I've been having some feelings for you, too." says Officer Grace.
Phil nearly loses it.
"You... have feelings... for me?" says Phil.
"A little, ever since I first saw you." says Officer Grace.
"The feeling is mutual." says Cy.
"Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me this Friday, if it's all right with you." says Officer Grace.
Phil stands there for a minute as he ponders Officer Grace's offer.
Finally, Phil answers, "Yes."
Officer Grace gives Phil a hug and says, "See ya Friday."
Cy watches Officer Grace leave the room and then, walks over to Phil.
"Well, Phil, you got a date." says Cy.
"Yeah, with Officer Grace." says Phil.
The next morning, Conrad is reading the newspaper in the green room as Cy enters the room, giving himself a fanfare as he does.
"Good morning, Conrad." says Cy.
"Good morning, Cy. How was your show last night?" says Conrad.
"It was wonderful. I think I impressed the panel with my new knowledge of the law. Maybe I can lobby Mr. Gold to give me the hosting job." says Cy.
"Don't press your luck, Cy." says Conrad.
"Say, where's Phil?" asks Cy.
"He hasn't arrived yet." says Conrad.
"A little late today. I thought he had kicked that habit." says Cy.
"Well, I guess what happened yesterday has his brain in two places at once." says Conrad.
"That'll keep you from getting out of bed." says Cy.
"So will this. Two more rapes happened last night." says Conrad.
"More news to give Hyperion." says Cy.
"Always on the ball." says Conrad.
"Even with a hangover." says Cy.
"Morning, guys." says Phil as he enters the room.
"You're a little late this morning. I take it something's on your mind." says Cy.
"The return of Thomas is what's on my mind." says Phil.
"What about him?" asks Cy.
"I'm starting to think my former bully's the rapist." says Phil.
"You're kidding?" asks Cy.
"I'm telling you, it was my former bully Thomas Cinder." says Phil.
"Why would think that Thomas is the rapist?" asks Conrad.
"Because he has history." says Phil.
"What kind of history, Phil?" asks Cy.
"I've already told you." says Phil.
"His history with you doesn't count at all." says Conrad.
"Just in case, could he be locked him up?" asks Phil.
"Until he commits a crime, he stays outside." says Cy.
"But he has no place to go. He has no family." says Phil.
"That's true, but no reason to trouble him further. He's just out of prison. Let us not do something that will lead him back there." says Cy.
"You actually think he can be helped?" says Phil.
"My mother taught me that all people are the same and deserve the same." says Cy.
"While I argee with that, I don't think it should apply to Thomas." says Phil.
"Give him a chance, Phil. He might have the makings of a great human being." says Cy.
"So says the son of Debralee Scott." says Phil.
"Keep my mother out of this." says Cy.
"Good morning, guys." says Officer Grace as she enters the room with two slips of paper in her hand.
"Right back 'atcha, Officer Grace. What brings you here today, besides to see Phil?" says Cy.
"Well, my visit has only half to do with Phil." says Officer Grace, who then flashes a lovelorn look to Phil, who smiles at it.
"What's the other half?" asks Cy.
"These." says Officer Grace as she hands the slips of paper to Cy and Conrad.
"'You have officially been drafted into the Mutual Association for a Safe Hyperion's rapist hunt squad by order of our grand leader, Mr. Shaw?'." reads Cy.
"You mean, that Mr. Shaw has formed a group?" asks Conrad.
"Yes, and because you two made fun of his daughter, you get to join his efforts to find the Hyperion Rapist." says Officer Grace.
"He's got a name now?" says Cy.
"Four victims give him the ability." says Officer Grace.
"Well, Cy, we've been drafted." says Conrad.
"Into MASH, hopefully not the 4077." says Cy.
The night brings a chill to the air, which is normal for the early fall. In one part of town walks Thomas Cinder. Thomas walks alone, looking at his old house, now an empty shell.
As he stares, he thinks about how his life was and the way it is now. He also feels something's wrong, like the house isn't empty. He feels people inside, even if the windows are dark and there's no sign of life, he feels it.
He just checks it to his mind and decides to go up to the house. As he walks, he wonders what is inside. He finally reaches the door and opens it. Inside, it's devoid of anything, just the way it was left when Thomas went off to prison.
Thomas decides to sleep on the floor, hoping his memories will keep him warm. He lays down next to the door and lulls himself to sleep, with his dream of his childhood keeping him company.
His dream is anything but happy. In the dark, he sees the outline of his father, beer can in hand, looking at him. He opens his eyes and sees the sight.
"Hello, son." growls Mr. Cinder in a souther accent.
"Hello, dad." says Thomas.
"I see you're back." says Mr. Cinder as he takes a sip of beer.
"I know. I just got out of prison." says Thomas.
"So I hear." says Mr. Cinder.
"I blame myself for going there." says Thomas.
"It's all your fault, son." says Mr. Cinder as he takes another sip of beer.
"No, it's not. It's your fault." says Thomas.
"Watch it, son." says Mr. Cinder.
"I mean it, the way you raised me... " says Thomas.
"I told you to watch it." says Mr. Cinder, stepping closer to Thomas.
"I can't believe how you raised me." says Thomas as he gets off the floor.
"Keep your mouth shut, boy." says Mr. Cinder.
"When you died, I didn't shed a single tear." says Thomas.
"That's it, boy. You're gonna get it now." says Mr. Cinder, making a move towards Thomas.
Thomas then moves out of his dream, starts running, and bursts through the door and runs from the house, scared that his father will follow him. He runs down the street and into a collection of trash cans. His collision alerts a cop car, which comes by the cans.
"Guys, my dead father trying to kill me." he spews out.
"A hobo?" says the driving officer.
"Most likely." says the passenger officer.
Together, the two drag Thomas into their car and drive away, with Thomas shouting, "I hate you, dad!" over and over. Elsewhere, Cy and Conrad, both carrying guns, are riding around with Mr. Shaw.
"Is there any point to us being your little army?" asks Cy.
"Maybe now you'll think twice before you belittle rape victims, especially my daughter." says Mr. Shaw.
"Maybe you should carefully on how you name your children." says Cy.
"Oh, yeah. How well did your mother name you?" says Mr. Shaw.
"My mother and my father took a turn. My mother wanted to name me after McLean Stevenson and my father wanted to name me after a famous war hero where he grew up." says Cy.
"I guess they split the difference, did they?" asks Mr. Shaw.
"My mother knew McLean Stevenson. He made her laugh a lot." says Cy.
"Who exactly is your mother?" asks Mr. Shaw.
"The late Debralee Scott, world-famous television and film actress." says Cy.
"She wasn't that famous, Cy." says Conrad.
"He's right. I haven't heard of her." says Mr. Shaw.
"Ever heard of Welcome Back, Kotter?" asks Cy.
"I used to watch it a lot." says Mr. Shaw.
"My mother was Hotsie Totsie." says Cy.
"Are you kidding?" asks Mr. Shaw.
"No, I'm not. She was the woman all the sweathogs talked about, until she got them to stop." says Cy.
"Cy's very proud of that." says Mr. Shaw.
"How does a guy like you end up at a Michigan radio station?" asks Mr. Shaw.
"Well, Conrad here was born in Hyperion and his father moved the family to New York City around 1990. We became friends from the first meet." says Cy.
"That's true." says Conrad.
"However, after the twin towers, Conrad's father moved them back here. I stayed with my mother until her untimely passing." says Cy.
"I'm sorry for your loss." says Mr. Shaw.
"Well, when Conrad heard about it, he invited me to live in Hyperion, so I did." says Cy.
"What a life story. I guess I misjudged you, boy." says Mr. Shaw.
"A lot of people do until they hear who my mother is." says Cy.
"Excuse me for a minute, but how long are we to search?" asks Conrad.
"Until early morning." says Mr. Shaw.
"That gives me enough time to tell you a few stories." says Cy.
"Do go on." says Mr. Shaw.
The next morning, Phil walks his way to work, as usual. When he gets to work, he finds Officer Grace standing next to Cy.
"Phil, Grace here would like a string of words with you." says Cy.
"Just Grace now?" says Phil.
"Well, with she being your girlfriend now, I feel she's becoming a friend to me." says Cy.
"Go inside." says Phil.
"Yes, my faithful intern." says Cy as he heads inside the radio station.
"What is it now?" asks Phil.
"We picked up a vagabond last night, name of Thomas Cinder. Says that he knows you." says Officer Grace.
"Thomas Cinder? He's my old bully." says Phil.
"So you do know him?" queries Officer Grace.
"Yes, I know him, but not as a friend." says Phil.
"He says that he feels he's your friend." says Officer Grace.
"His mind has been strained by prison. He talked to me the other day about it and I didn't believe him." says Phil.
"Well, he's in our jail right now and we're keeping him until someone posts his bail." says Officer Grace.
"That won't help him. His family's all but gone. His father died in a accident 5 years ago and his mother died giving birth to him." says Phil.
"Any siblings?" asks Officer Grace.
"None, his father tried to hook up with my mother a few times but his personality left a lot to be desired." says Phil.
"Any more infomation?" asks Officer Grace.
"No." says Phil.
"Fine. I'll just leave now." says Officer Grace.
She gives him a hug and a kiss and departs.
"Grace is getting attached to you." says Cy, coming out of the station.
"Were you listening?" asks Phil.
"I had to. It looked interesting." says Cy.
"Well, I guess you heard about Thomas?" asks Phil.
"She asked me before you and I had nothing on him." says Cy.
"It's a shame." says Phil.
"I think I'll pay his bail, but not until next week. He could use a place to sleep." says Cy.
"He's homeless?" says Phil.
"He's got his old house but he doesn't wanna go back." says Cy.
"I wonder why?" asks Phil.
"Before you ponder the reasons, I want you to know that today, October 15th, is my birthday, lucky number 26." says Cy.
"Feeling happy?" asks Phil.
"As well as you can as I count another orbit of the sun." says Cy.
"You count your birthdays?" says Phil.
"My mother told me to count my birthdays, because you might not get another one. Why, I remember when she was walking out of that hospital, three days before her death, saying to me, '52, Cy, 52'." says Cy.
"Well, only halfway to go before you tie her record." says Phil.
"That's the spirit." says Cy as he and Phil head into the radio station.
In the police station, on the jail cot, lays Thomas, still hearing and seeing what happened last night. As he twists and turns on his cot, Polly enters the room, rolling along with her the mop bucket.
Polly grabs the mop from the bucket and begins to wash the floor. Thomas is awakened by the rolling bucket. Thomas gets up from the bunk and walks over to the bars.
"Who the hell are you?" asks Thomas.
"I'm the janitor here." says Polly.
"You don't look like no janitor I've ever seen." says Thomas.
Polly looks up from her mopping at Thomas.
"Well, make no mistake, I'm the janitor around here." says Polly.
"I'm the prisoner today." says Thomas.
"That I see." says Polly, going back to her mopping.
"There's no one in here to talk to." says Thomas.
"So you think you can gain a conversation out of me?" asks Polly.
"I hope so, ma'am." says Thomas.
"Maybe a little one. Just don't ask me how to escape." says Polly.
"Escape is the last thing I want to do." says Thomas.
"Why not? That's usually want anyone wants." says Polly.
"I have no place to go." says Thomas.
"Don't you have a home?" asks Polly.
"I have a house, not a home." says Thomas.
"Why isn't a home?" asks Polly.
"Because there's no one there, except the ghosts of my childhood." says Thomas.
"You sound different than most prisoners." says Polly.
"That's because I've been there and I don't wish to go back." says Thomas.
"That's where you are right now." says Polly.
"I mean prison, not jail. There's a difference." says Thomas.
"Not to me." says Polly.
"If you were in my place, you wouldn't say that." says Thomas.
"You do have a quality I haven't seen in a prisoner before." says Polly.
"Yeah, childhood guilt." says Thomas.
"Your life must have been terrible." says Polly.
"Don't get me started, ma'am. By the name, what's your name?" says Thomas.
"Polly, Polly McInytre." says Polly.
"Any relation to that police chief?" asks Thomas.
"My uncle." says Polly.
"Great, I told my story to the police chief's niece." says Thomas.
"Don't worry. I'm a softie, in this case." says Polly.
"Thanks, Polly." says Thomas.
"You're welcome... " says Polly.
"Thomas, Thomas Cinder." says Thomas.
Polly then returns to her mopping and Thomas lays back down on the bunk of his cell, still thinking of the events of last night.
That same afternoon, Phil sits in his home, watching TV, when he hears a knock at the door. He walks to the door and opens it.
"Cy!" says Phil as he sees him standing there.
"Hello, Phil. I decided to stop by today and help you." says Cy as he walks in. Phil closes the door and says, "Help me with what?"
"With your date on Friday with Officer Grace." says Cy.
"What pointers could you give me?" queries Phil.
"Plenty." says Cy as he passes Phil's picture of a girl.
Cy picks up the picture and looks at it as Phil walks over to him.
"Who's the girl?" asks Cy.
"That's Evangeline." says Phil.
"'Evangeline, Evangeline, curses the soul of the Mississippi queen, that stole her man away.'" says Cy, quoting an old song.
"She was a nice girl." says Phil.
"Was? What happened?" says Cy.
"She died in a car accident senior year with her boyfriend." says Phil.
"This display of her picture would indicate that you had feelings for her." says Cy. "I did. I admired her from afar and I tried to make her mine but she fell for another and when she died, I attented her funeral." says Phil.
"Well, I'm gonna make sure that Officer Grace isn't another Evangeline." says Cy, putting the picture down.
"What are gonna do?" asks Phil.
"Well, I'm gonna give you a couple of tips that my mother passed on to me." says Cy.
"Such as?" says Phil.
"How to talk to Officer Grace without swallowing your tungue." says Cy.
"That's my biggest hurdle." says Phil.
"Well, what you should do to overcome that hurdle is to let her have the first word in any conversation. That way, you know where to go with your words." says Cy.
"Does that work?" asks Phil.
"It worked for me and it'll work for you." says Cy.
"How has it worked for you?" queries Phil.
"Don't ask, just learn." says Cy.
"What's your next tip?" asks Phil.
"Always be a gentleman." says Cy.
"I know that." says Phil.
"I see that you have some idea of being a gentleman." says Cy.
"I do, Cy. I mean, I haven't tried to be one but I know how." says Phil. "Remember Evangeline, Phil." says Cy.
"I do, and I promise to be better." says Phil.
"Make sure of it." says Cy.
"Now, any more tips for me?" asks Phil.
"I better let you figure things out without my help. Besides, I feel that you have to find your own way with this." says Cy.
"Then why did you give me tips?" queries Phil.
"Because I wanted to set a foundation. Romance often fails without a good foundation, just like buildings." says Cy.
"I never knew you were a romantic, Cy." says Phil.
"I try to be a man of the world, the old-fashioned world that we used to live in before society tossed it away." says Cy.
"You better go." says Phil.
"I better. See ya on the flip side." says Cy as he walks to the door.
Cy opens the door, walks outside, and closes in behind.
Friday soon arrives and Conrad is once again reading the newspaper in the green room as Phil enters.
"Good morning, Conrad." says Phil as he enters.
"Good morning, Phil." says Conrad.
"Any more rapes?" asks Phil.
"Not really. He's been quiet these past two days." says Conrad.
"Maybe the efforts of Mr. Shaw are working." says Phil.
"That reminds me, Mr. Shaw is slowly becoming a fan of Cy's mother." says Conrad.
"What happened?" asks Phil.
"Cy got to talking with Mr. Shaw and the two just hit it off." says Conrad.
"Cy is good with people." says Phil.
"So was his mother." says Conrad.
"What are you saying about my mother?" asks Cy as he enters the room.
"Nothing bad, Cy." says Conrad.
"Good. Conrad, go get ready for the show." says Cy.
"Okay, Cy." says Conrad, who then makes his leave from the green room.
"Now that Conrad is out of the room, I want to remain you of your date with Officer Grace, or Grace as I call her." says Cy.
"What is it you wish to discuss with me now?" says Phil.
"Only to remind you of my tips I gave you." says Cy.
"What are they again?" says Phil.
"Always be a gentleman and let the woman have the first word in a conversation. Both tips will lead to a successful relationship." says Cy.
"Then why haven't they worked for you?" queries Phil.
"I just to avoid being tied down, and I'm waiting for the right time." says Cy. "Well, I could use another tip." says Phil.
"Another tip?" says Cy.
"It's about the age difference." says Phil.
"Between you and Grace?" says Cy.
"She's 32 and I'm 21. I don't see how that big an age difference can make a relationship." says Phil.
"Only you would make 11 years seem a big difference. To some people, that's a drop in the bucket. I say, let the difference shrink to zero and just enjoy each other. She can guide you and you can guide her." says Cy, getting out a cigar.
"I never knew you smoked." says Phil.
"Only at home, but today, I wanna do it in the studio. Terry just hates cigar smoke. He's a cig smoker." says Cy.
"I hope that tip you gave me works." says Phil.
"I once spent two weeks with a 43-year-old waitress and it was fun, so I know it works." says Cy.
"You never cease to amaze me." says Phil.
"I hope I never do. The day I become routine is the day I leave my body on this planet and move on." says Cy.
"Go smoke your cigar." says Phil with a smile on his face.
The Friday show for Cy and Conrad is an unusual one for them, with Cy's cigar. As Terry leaves the studio, Cy puffs cigar smoke in his face.
"Don't smoke those in my presence." says Terry.
"You don't have any presence." says Cy.
Cy and Conrad then take their seats and begin their show.
During the show, Cy speaks into the mike, "People of Hyperion. Today is Friday. For some, it means payday, and we're among those payday people. For others, it's a chance to find romance and I say to these people, good luck. Love is a wondeful thing and it can overcome anything thrown at it."
"Are you sure?" asks Conrad.
"Oh, yeah. Throughout history, love has united and, in some cases, divided people from all walks of life. I would now like to play a song about love, about how it conquers all. Gram Parsons' 'A Song for You'." says Cy.
As Cy plays the song, Phil can feel his own love for Officer Grace grow more than it has, with a special lock to keep it in. As night falls on Hyperion, the bank swells with people's checks and romance blooms for two people.
As Phil sits in his house, dressed in his best suit, he awaits the arrival of Officer Grace. Suddenly, at about 7:30 pm, he hears a knock at the door. Phil rushes over to the door and opens it. There, in front of him, is Officer Grace, dressed in a red sweater with a grey skirt.
"Officer Grace, I've never seen you like this." says Phil.
Her hair, which had been tied behind her head, was now down and out.
"Ready, Phil?" asks Officer Grace.
"Sure... Grace." says Phil.
Officer Grace extends her arm and Phil takes hold of it and together, the two walk to Officer Grace's car. Phil gets in on the passenger side and Officer Grace gets in the driver's seat. Before starting the car, she gives Phil a kiss.
"That's one, to start." says Officer Grace as she starts the car.
"I guess I get more later." says Phil.
"You bet." says Officer Grace as she backs the car out of the driveway.
"So, where are we going?" asks Phil.
"We're going to Sally's Diner." says Officer Grace.
"Great place to go." says Phil.
"I know." says Officer Grace.
The two drive to Sally's Diner, the best eatery in town.
"This is the place." says Officer Grace when they get there.
"Wow, I never knew this place as a place for romance." says Phil.
"Come with me and I'll show you." says Officer Grace as she walks to the door, with Phil running behind.
The two walk arm-and-arm into the diner. In the back, a country band is playing the greatest hits of Dillard & Clark.
"She was there all that night, said for you I know I'm right." sings the lead singer.
"Nice tune. Cy played it a few times." says Phil.
"Come on." says Officer Grace as they walk to a table.
As they sit down, a waitress comes by.
"Hello, welcome to Sally's Diner." says the waitress.
"Thanks, can we have some menus?" says Officer Grace.
"Yes, you may. Let me go get them." says the waitress as she moves away.
Phil just sits there, waiting for Officer Grace to start.
"Well, aren't you gonna talk?" asks Officer Grace after a few minutes.
"Here are your menus." says the waitress before Phil can speak.
As the waitress departs, Phil speaks, "I was waiting for you."
"Well, you have every right to start this conversation." says Officer Grace. "Right. I'm sorry." says Phil.
"Don't be and look at the menu." says Officer Grace.
Phil then plants his face behind the menu, hoping that Officer Grace will start again. Phil stares at the menu for 15 minutes, waiting for Officer Grace to talk. Finally, Phil can't take it.
"I wish to talk to you." says Phil.
"Then why don't you?" asks Officer Grace.
"I was waiting for you to speak." says Phil.
"Well, I want to talk to you, too, and I wanted you to start." says Officer Grace. "I hoping you would start." says Phil.
"I guess we're talking now." says Officer Grace.
"I guess we are." says Phil.
"Let's keep talking." says Officer Grace.
"Lets." says Phil.
Phil and Officer Grace keep talking, pass the giving of their orders to the waitress, passing the receiving of the orders and through the eating of the food, they keep talking. Meanwhile, Cy happens to walk in due to his knowing the band's fiddler and catches Phil and Officer Grace talking. Cy dares not to interupt their date and watches from one of the counter stools in the place.
As the band plays the best of Gram Parsons, the two keep talking. When the band gets to the song that Cy played earlier, Phil decides to take Officer Grace to the dance floor. As the two dance, Cy watches and is amazed at the two.
"That's love, right there, in all its glory." says Cy to the waitress.
"It sure is." says the waitress.
As 11:00 pm nears, Phil and Officer Grace make their leave, with Cy staying at his chair.
"We close at midnight." says the waitress.
"I know, I'll just wait and leave then." says Cy.
"You need someone." says the waitress.
"I know, but I'll keep waiting." says Cy.
Phil and Officer Grace drive back to Phil's house.
"Boy, that was fun." says Phil as they walk through the front door.
"It sure was." says Officer Grace.
"Care for some coffee?" asks Phil.
"I sure would." says Officer Grace.
Phil goes into the kitchen and puts on a pot. As the coffee brews, Officer Grace walks around the apartment.
"Who's this." asks Officer Grace when she sees Phil's special picture.
"That's Evangeline, my high-school crush." says Phil.
"I think I've seen her before." says Officer Grace.
"She died in a car accident senior year." says Phil.
"I know now, it was a accident case I covered." says Officer Grace.
"You were at the scene?" queries Phil.
"I was." says Officer Grace as Phil brings over the coffee.
"She was special. In fact, I thought she would be mine." says Phil.
"She died with her boyfriend." says Officer Grace.
"I know, but I loved her." says Phil.
"Hopefully not as much as me." says Officer Grace.
As Phil and Officer Grace drank their coffee, they realize their inner connection and the look in their eyes becomes one picture and the two soon adjurn to Phil's bedroom. With soft hands, the two soon pass into passion only two people truly in love can have. They continue to look in each other's eyes and see their love.
The next morning, Cy is asleep in his easy chair, his usual place of slumber, dreaming of many things. As he smiles, his dream is shattered by the sound of pounding on his door.
"If you're a salesman, they'll never find the body." says Cy as he gets out of the chair.
Cy walks up to the door and opens it to find Conrad.
"Cy?" asks Conrad.
"That's my name, Conrad." says Cy.
"I have some news." says Conrad.
"What is it that so important you stir me from my slumber at 6:00 am in the morning?" asks Cy.
"Polly's been raped!!!" says Conrad.

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This concludes the first episode of the current blog season.

Now, I promise to have the re-written part two of the story for you soon. For now, enjoy what's there, for it is a lesson to all first-time writers to keep track of your ideas.

See ya next time...