A Tale of Two Stations

This week, we present this installiment of The Quantum Argonauts on time, after what happened last week.

If you are one of those kinds of people, you might say that the last two installiment told the tale of a very interesting week. In the first part, Cy and Conrad solved a small mystery to get over the winter doldrums and the second part had Cy cure Conrad of a bout of sleepwalking. Now, we come to the third and final part, the events of Friday.

We now journey to Hyperion...

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The early morning sun rises over Hyperion and the people who inhabit this fair burg are stirring from their night of sleep. One of those inhabitants is Cy and Conrad's mutual friend, Polly.
Polly, being the niece of the police chief, has earned her a job within the ranks of the Hyperion P.D. As Polly stirs today, she thinks in her head of her dream, which she logs away until next time.
A quick shower and a bite to eat and Polly is walking her way to the police station, to begin her day. The sounds of the early morning filled the air as Polly makes her day down the street.
As she nears the police station, she meets up with Cy, out enjoying the morning as he bikes his way to work.
"Good morning, Polly." says Cy as he pulls alongside her.
"Good morning, Cy." says Polly.
"Hear that morning music in the air." says Cy.
"What music?" asks Polly.
"The sounds of the birds as they tweet their wake-up calls. The wind blowing across the street. I tell ya, it reminds me of all those mornings in New York. The song's different but the melody's the same." says Cy.
"A guy like you never belonged in the city." says Polly.
"I made the most of it, Polly. My mother often wished to escape the city." says Cy.
"You did it for her." says Polly.
"Thank you, Polly." says Cy as they arrive in front of the police station.
"Here's where I get off." says Polly.
"See you later, Polly." says Cy, continuing by Polly on his way to work.
"What a guy Cy is." says Polly, who then walks up to the front of the police station and goes inside.
"Good morning, Polly." says Officer Grace as Polly enters.
"Good morning, Officer Grace." says Polly.
"Another day of work." says Officer Grace.
"What other kind of work is there?" says Polly as she takes hold of her mop and bucket.
"I guess you're right. I saw you talking to Cy as you walked up." says Officer Grace.
"Can you believe that he once lived in New York City?" asks Polly.
"I never do. Then again, what he did for me a while back I'll never forget either." says Officer Grace.
As the Friday morning sun rises over Hyperion, Cy is biking his way to work, as usual. The early winter chill is begun to set in and frost again covers the ground. Cy is wearing a winter coat to bat off the cold. Tire marks are being left by the bike as it moves over the frost covered ground. It makes a line that leads to the radio station as Cy parks his bike.
Cy then enters the radio station, shaking off the cold as he does. Cy takes off his winter coat and then makes his way to the green room. When he gets there, he finds Conrad reading a magazine.
"Good morning, Conrad." says Cy as he enters the green room.
"Good morning, Cy." says Conrad, still reading.
"Ready for another Friday of recording for our weekend show?" asks Cy.
"I feel ready. We just need a story to stage." says Conrad.
"And then throw things over to Prairie Home Companion." says Cy.
"Seems odd the scheduling of our weekend show." says Conrad.
"Only because Mr. Gold wouldn't give us our original slot of 5:15 pm." says Cy.
"That is true." says Conrad.
"Mr. Gold would then have to think up two 15-minute programs, and he doesn't have the time, what with promoting Barry & Terry." says Cy.
"Lay off today. Besides, we have nothing to worry about." says Conrad.
"According to Mr. Gold's latest ratings, our weekend show is at the bottom of the ratings chart." says Cy.
"That's true." says Conrad.
"Mr. Gold runs the ratings service, and we're Barry & Terry's rivals. If we appear to have bad ratings, he'll eventually throw us off the air and Barry and Terry can rule the air uncompeted." says Cy.
"You don't really believe that." says Conrad.
"I do, and it's true." says Cy.
"Just don't mention it to Mr. Gold." says Conrad.
"Maybe I'll listen to you on that." says Cy.
"You better." says Conrad.
"For now, let us do our Friday morning show." says Cy.
"Hear, hear." says Conrad.
"Good morning, Officer Baker, and good morning, Polly." says Chief McIntyre back at the police station.
"Good morning, sir." says Officer Grace.
"Good morning, unc." says Polly.
"Polly, getting right at your work, as usual." says Chief McIntyre.
"I never fail." says Polly.
Chief McInytre walks over to the radio and turns it on. The sounds of WHYP fill the air as Cy and Conrad's competitors, Barry & Terry, take the mic to start their morning show.
Polly ignores the radio as she continues to mop the floor. Meanwhile, more members of the Hyperion Police Department walk into the building. An hour into Polly's shift, a call comes into the squad room.
"Hello?" says Officer Grace as she picks up the phone, then hears the other end and after a minute or two, she hangs up, "I've got a report of an attempted rape and murder."
"Officer Baker, can you field this one?" asks Chief McInytre.
"I can." says Officer Grace, who then walks out of the police station.
"While Officer Grace deals with big crime, I'll think I'll patrol for small crime." says Officer Timmy.
"You do that, Officer Matthews." says Chief McInytre as he retreats into his office.
"Have a nice day." says Polly as Officer Timmy walks out the door.
"My beat, my town." says Officer Timmy an hour later as he makes his way down the street.
Officer Timmy makes his way down the main part of the city as the sun shines down from the eastern area of the sky. As Officer Timmy reaches one of the storefront, he hears a conversation between two people.
"You know that wape that went down yestewday was aww mine." says a man in a cajun accent, dressed in a plaid shirt, carrying a fiddle case in his arm.
"You did?" says a woman.
"I did. I admit whoweheawtedwy." says the man.
"All right, mac. Come with me." says Officer Timmy as he walks over to the two.
"What's the pwobwem, officew?" asks the man.
"I heard you confess to that wape, I mean rape." says Officer Timmy.
"I knew that I wouwd face the waw soonew ow latew." says the man.
"That's true." says Officer Timmy as he snaps handcuffs on the man and takes his fiddle case.
"See ya latew, honey." says the man as he's lead away.
"You're gonna see justice." says Officer Timmy.
"Officew, if you must know, I didn't do anything." says the man.
"Tell it to the judge." says Officer Timmy.
"Honestwy, officew, I did not do a thing." says the man.
"Do me a favor and stop talking like Elmer Fudd." says Officer Timmy.
"But.. " says the man before being interupted.
"But nothing. I know you're faking that speech inpediment to gain my sympathy. Well, it's not working." says Officer Timmy.
The two walk their way to the police station.
"But officew, I'm tewwing the twuth." says the man.
"I know you awe." says Officer Timmy, mocking the man.
"Officer Timmy, what have you done?" asks Polly.
"I got the rapist. He isn't so smart. He confessed to it and he talks in that stupid Elmer Fudd voice, not to mention carrying around his weapon, hidden inside the usual violin case." says Officer Timmy.
"His name is Elmer, and he does play the fiddle." says Polly.
"Elmer?" says Officer Timmy.
"That's what I'm twying to teww you." says Elmer.
"But he confessed to it." says Officer Timmy.
"Was Elmer talking to a lady when he confessed?" asks Polly.
"Yes." says Officer Timmy.
"He likes to confess that he's done various crimes to impress women." says Polly.
"You're kidding?" says Officer Timmy.
"You know, Powwy, I've cweaned my own cwimes fow yeaws." says Elmer.
"I see it now." says Officer Timmy.
"Elmer, would you like to stay for the day?" asks Polly.
"Oh, boy, yes. I get to be a assistant." says Elmer.
"Uncuff him and give him back his case." says Polly.
"Okay." says Officer Timmy, who then uncuffs Elmer.
"What do I do fiwst, Powwy?" asks Elmer.
"Sit in that chair and watch me." says Polly.
"Okay, Powwy." says Elmer, sitting in a chair by a desk.
"I gotta get back to my beat." says Officer Timmy, who then walks out the door.
"I heard something in here." says Chief McIntyre, coming out of his office.
"Hewwo, Chief McIntywe." says Elmer.
"Hello to you, Elmer. Who brought you in this time?" says Chief McIntyre.
"Officew Timmy." says Elmer.
"Well, did you brief him on Elmer, Polly?" asks Chief McIntyre.
"Yes, sir." says Polly.
"I guess you've got a assistant today, Polly." says Chief McIntyre.
"That I am." says Elmer.
"If you're good today, I might pay you." says Chief McIntyre.
"That wouwd be gweat." says Elmer.
A couple of hours later, after Cy and Conrad have ended another week of their morning shows, the two enter the green room with interested faces.
"Now that our morning show is over, we need to come up with our weekend show, which records at 5:15 pm today." says Cy.
"I know that." says Conrad.
"I just wanted to see if you remember." says Cy.
"I have no idea. What we need is a small story." says Conrad.
"Why don't we just give up on a theater show and do one of our exciting topic shows." says Cy.
"What topic could we possibly do?" asks Conrad.
"That's been our trouble lately. We've gone through all the good topics." says Cy.
"I know, it's getting serious." says Conrad.
"Is there any topics you can think of right now?" asks Cy.
"Not really. Maybe you have one." says Conrad.
"I never actually thought we ever used the back-up topic I selected the day we got this show." says Cy.
"Not your afterschool special idea." says Conrad.
"Those program that children saw monthly on the three networks used a fair amount of science fiction and it would be interesting to discuss if any of those stories influenced any of today's best science fiction writers, actors, or directors." says Cy.
"Maybe to you, but we've never been in the spot to use it." says Conrad.
"I guess we're now in that spot." says Cy.
"I'm not gonna do it." says Conrad.
"Why?" asks Cy.
"Because I have no knowledge of the subject." says Conrad.
"I know as much as I do." says Cy.
"Our childhoods don't count." says Conrad.
"You've watched the tapes I have of those specials." says Cy.
"I'm still not doing it." says Conrad.
"Wait a minute, I have an idea just now." says Cy.
"What is it?" asks Conrad.
"For a story we can do." says Cy.
"Do you have one?" asks Conrad.
"One that I've been working on, called 'Mars 3'." says Cy.
"What's it about?" asks Conrad.
"It's about two people who make a journey to the landing site of the old Soviet probe Mars 3." says Cy.
"Just two people?" asks Conrad.
"Just two. Me and you can play the parts and we can use our sound man and our announcer for the production without cutting into next week's production." says Cy.
"That's a great idea. Just one question: where's the story?" says Conrad.
"It's at my house. I write it up a while ago but I never had a chance to suggest it. It's in my curios cabinet." says Cy.
"I know where that is. I'll go over to your house and get it for you." says Conrad.
"Why do this for me?" asks Cy.
"Because you need to call up our sound man and announcer." says Conrad.
"I guess I have no choice." says Cy.
Conrad then makes his way out of the green room. As he starts to walk down the hallway, he bumps into Joanne and a lady friend, a young raven-haired woman, dressed in sloppy clothes.
"Oh, hello, Joanne." says Conrad.
"How you be, Conrad?" asks Joanne.
"Fine. I'm just on my way to Cy's house to get something for the show." says Conrad.
"Is it important?" asks Joanne.
"Very." says Conrad, who then continues down the hallway.
Joanne and her friend then walk into the green room, where Cy is busy looking around the room.
"Hello, Cy." says Joanne.
"Joanne! My belle," says Cy as he walks over to her, "Who's this with you?"
"This is my friend, Louisa." says Joanne.
"Charmed to meet you, Louisa." says Cy.
"He's as nice as you told me." says Louisa.
"I hope I am." says Cy.
"Can you believe me now?" says Joanne to Louisa.
"I do." says Louisa.
"Well, I do come from a great background." says Cy.
"That's right, Joanne. You told me that Cy is the son of some actress." says Louisa.
"Her name was Debralee Scott, and she was more than an actress to me. She was my mother." says Cy.
"Is that even true?" asks Louisa.
"What's true?" asks Cy.
"That your mother is Debralee Scott, whoever she is." says Louisa.
"Don't belittle my mother, and don't question that she was. I know she was. I came from her and I spent twenty-one years alongside her." says Cy.
"I don't know. Joanne told me about your silver tongue." says Louisa.
"I never use it to lie about my own mother. I think I know who she was." says Cy.
"Convince me." says Louisa.
"Later. First, I have to make a few phone calls." says Cy as he goes back to looking around the room.
"What are you looking for?" asks Joanne.
"The phone." says Cy.
"Is this it?" says Louisa as she points to the phone sitting on a table along the far wall in the room.
"I see it now." says Cy as he then heads over to the phone.
"And you think you know who your mother is." says Louisa.
"I'm not gonna into this arguement." says Cy as he dials a number on the phone and picks up the receiver.
A few rings later, an answer is heard at the other end.
"Who is it?" asks the voice.
"This is Cy, Chester." says Cy.
"What do you want?" asks Chester.
"I need you to come in and do some sound effects." says Cy.
"What for?" asks Chester.
"We needed a topic for today and I suggested that we do a play I've been writing." says Cy.
"Is it a big play?" asks Chester.
"No. It only stars Conrad and me and we need only a small amount of sound effects." says Cy.
"I guess I could swing it." says Chester.
"Great. I'll see you over here." says Cy, who then hangs up the phone.
"What are you guys doing?" asks Joanne.
"Didn't Conrad tell you when you were in the hallway?" asks Cy.
"How do you know that?" asks Louisa.
"I have an inner clock, more accurate than others. I know that Conrad left at the same time you came in and you two had some talk to account for the small delay." says Cy.
"Maybe there's something to the truth about his heritage." says Louisa.
"My mother did tell me to tell time the way I do." says Cy.
"Whoever she was." says Louisa.
"You seem to believe that I don't know who my own mother is." says Cy.
"Well, it seems a little hard to believe." says Louisa.
"Well, I've known it all my life." says Cy.
"So you say." says Louisa.
"Now cut it out! I know who my mother is and it is who I say it is because it is the God's honest truth." says Cy.
"I'm gonna need something to convince me of your heritage." says Louisa.
"Like what?" asks Cy.
"I'll know it when it happens." says Louisa.
"If you excuse me now, I need to phone the announcer." says Cy, who then walks over to the phone and dials a number.
"I wish you would take Cy at his word." says Joanne to Louisa.
"I've been with people who lie about certain things, such as their heritage, and I've learn to seek the truth if something seems that way." says Louisa.
"If you saw the two together, you would believe it." says Joanne.
"Well, she's dead, so if he's lying, he's doing it right." says Louisa.
"I believe Cy when he says who his mother is. Who would lie about one's own mother?" says Joanne.
"I need a little more convincing." says Louisa.
"To each their own." says Joanne.
Back at the police station, Elmer is on his fiddle as he plays a redition of "Cajan Fiddle" to the slight annoyence of Polly.
"Must you play that?" asks Polly, interupting Elmer's playing.
"It's the onwy thing I know to do." says Elmer, who then resumes his playing.
"Leave him alone, Polly. I kinda enjoy the music. Breaks up the monotony." says Chief McIntyre.
Chief McIntyre is then about to retreat back into his office when the front door of the police station opens up and Officer Grace walks in, with a man in handcuffs, covered in blood.
"I got the rapist/murderer, Chief." says Officer Grace.
"Great. Just process him and I'll take into the interogation room." says Chief McIntyre.
"That's a wapist?" asks Elmer, again stopping his fiddle playing.
"And a muwdewew" says Polly in Elmer's voice.
Just then, a woman, also covered in blood enters.
"Who's that?" asks Elmer.
"I believe it to be the victim." says Polly.
"But she's not dead." says Elmer.
"It was an attempted murder, Elmer." says Chief McIntyre, writing on a piece of paper at the desk where Elmer is sitting.
"That expwains it." says Elmer.
"I was told to come here and make a statement." says the woman.
"Please, sit down... " says Chief McIntyre.
"Berner, Bea Berner." says the woman.
"Elmer, please sit elsewhere." says Chief McIntyre.
"Okay." says Elmer as he gets up.
Mrs. Berner then sits down in the vacanted chair.
"Now, please tell me about what happened." says Chief McIntyre.
As Elmer sits in a new chair, Mrs. Berner begins her story, "Well, it began when I met this man at a party. I may have had a few drinks and may have flirted with him in good fun. The next day, he came to me and said I loved him. I didn't love him, I love my husband. Over the next few months, he continued to say I loved him.
"Finally, it all came to a head last night when he demanded that I leave my husband for him. I outright told him no and then he tried to rape me. When I stopped him, he then tried to kill me, saying if he couldn't have me, no one would. It's amazing I'm still alive."
"Why don't you go to the hospital?" says Chief McIntyre.
"I think I will." says Mrs. Berner, who then gets up and leaves.
"I can't bewieve it." says Elmer.
"I've never heard such a tale." says Chief McIntyre.
"Maybe you should talk to the guy." says Polly.
"I think I will." says Chief McIntyre, getting up from his chair and walking into the back of the station.
"I have an idea. Wet's go and watch it." whispers Elmer to Polly.
"I don't know." says Polly.
"I'ww be fun." says Elmer.
"Okay." says Polly, putting down her mop.
Polly and Elmer then sneak their way into the room next to the interogation room, where the other side of the two-way mirror is.
As Polly and Elmer take their places behind the glass, Chief McIntyre sits down and begins talking, "What's your name, son?"
"My name is Eddie." says the man, a 34-year-old black male with a purple button shirt and tan dress pants.
"Eddie, why don't you tell me about what happened?" asks Chief McIntyre.
Eddie then tells his side, "Well, a few months ago, at this party, Mrs. Berner came on to me. I felt that she had fallen in love with me and I told her so the next day. Well, she denied, saying she loved her husband. Over the last months, I've tried to tell her that I'm right but she refuses to listen. Finally, I go to her house and demand she leaves her husband.
"She told me she wouldn't, so I decided to show her what she's missing. When she tries to stop me, the next thing I know, I'm trying to kill her. She loses a lot of blood but that husband of hers, being a doctor, he patched her enough and then he called the cops on me."
"What a guy." says Polly.
"I don't bewieve it, again." says Elmer.
"Well, I think we'll hold you until the legal-aid attorney gets here from the courthouse. They open at 9:00 am, so I'll wait awhile." says Chief McIntyre.
Just then, another officer comes in and takes Eddie out of the room.
"I better get back to my mopping, Elmer." says Polly.
"Me, too." says Elmer as both make their way out of the room.
"How can anyone make such a mistake?" asks Elmer.
"I don't know, Elmer. I've never heard of such a case in my life." says Polly.
"Maybe the woman shouwd have woved him wike he wanted." says Elmer.
"She loves her husband." says Polly.
"Awe you suwe about that, Powwy?" asks Elmer.
"Not really, but if the woman says so." says Polly.
Just then, Chief McIntyre walks back into the main room.
"So, how did it go in there?" asks Polly.
"Oh, I'll never understand people like that." says Chief McIntyre.
"Me, neithew." says Elmer.
"Right, Elmer." says Chief McIntyre.
Just then, back at the radio station, Cy hangs up the phone and walks back over to the two ladies.
"The announcer will be here in a few. I hope that Conrad can find the script." says Cy.
"Cy, do you mind if Louisa and I stayed here for the day. I promised her that I'd show her how a radio show is made." says Joanne.
"Of course you can stay. With what we got today, you'll see how a radio play is made, at least in this day and age. If you had shown up next week, we would have shown you the old-fashioned way." says Cy.
"Cy, you believe in making radio a career in this day and age?" asks Louisa.
"Radio is on the verge of a second golden age, and I'll be there to become a radio performer." says Cy.
"Your mother, according to Joanne, was a television performer." says Louisa.
"My mother told me never to follow in her footsteps. That's why I'm not in Hollywood, in front of a camera." says Cy.
"I thought parents wanted kids to follow in their footsteps." says Louisa.
"My mother told me about her life, how her career never went too far, and that she didn't wanna see me suffer the same." says Cy.
"She must have be quite a person, if what you say is true." says Louisa.
"I like to think so." says Cy.
"I'm back." says Conrad, rushing into the room with the script in hand.
"I see you found it." says Cy.
"I did." says Conrad.
"I guess we should get to work on it." says Cy.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" asks Joanne.
"Oh, right. This is Joanne's friend, Louisa." says Cy, pointing at her.
"Nice to meet you, Louisa." says Conrad.
"She came here with me because she wants to see how a radio show is made." says Joanne.
"What are we, an educational program?" says Conrad.
"Not many people have an idea of how radio works. Since this is a quick-to-plan show, we'll give an adbridged version." says Cy as he, Conrad, Joanne, and Louisa sit down at the green room table.
"Listen, Cy. I've read some of this already and it looks to be very good." says Conrad.
"I know it is. I spent about three months working on it." says Cy.
"Not bad." says Conrad.
"It's good, I know. Listen, I got something to tell you." says Cy.
"What is it?" asks Conrad.
"Louisa here doesn't believe that my mother is my mother." says Cy.
"Is that true?" asks Conrad to Louisa.
"I doubt it a little." says Louisa.
"Listen to me, Louisa. I know who Cy's mother and it is who he says it is." says Conrad.
"What makes you think so?" asks Louisa.
"I've known her and she taught Cy never to lie about his family." says Conrad.
"Should I take your word for it? After all, you are Cy's friend." says Louisa.
"Trust me, Cy's mother is Debralee Scott." says Conrad.
"I'll make my own judgements on that." says Louisa.
"Come on, Conrad. Back to the story." says Cy.
"Okay, if you insist." says Conrad.
"Now, the first thing we do when we decide to do a play on our show, we go over the story. Now, it is an original tale, already in script form, so it has the needed markings for the radio production crew and staff." says Cy.
"Meaning Cy and me." says Conrad.
"Anyway, this script is then reviewed by the production team and, if it meets the approval of said team, it will be placed into production." says Cy.
"We have no choice in that area." says Conrad.
"Moving on, the next step is casting, where the roles within the story are casted with the appropriate talent. We usually have a small group of actors that we hired to come in and read for the parts needed." says Cy.
"This story only has two parts, which will be filled by me and Cy." says Conrad.
"Must you keep this up?" asks Cy.
"I'm only pointing things out so Joanne and Louisa don't get the wrong idea." says Conrad.
"They know this. Why insult their intelligence?" says Cy.
"Sorry, Cy." says Conrad.
"Now, after all that is done, the production moves into a state of review, where all elements of the production is looked over and figured out." says Cy.
"The sound man and the announcer should be here." says Conrad.
"One of those people is me." says a voice.
The four people at the table turn and see a man standing at the green room door, dressed in a white sport jacket and blue jeans.
"Don!" says Cy.
"Who is that?" asks Joanne.
"This is our announcer, Don Foreman. He does all the announcing when me and Conrad do our theater shows." says Cy.
"I think I'll heard of him before." says Louisa.
"You should. He's the host of The Don Foreman Hour, which airs every Sunday evening at 6:00 pm here on WHYP." says Cy.
"That news show?" says Louisa.
"He does the best summary of the week's events." says Cy.
"They why does he do this for you?" asks Louisa.
"Because he happens to be a fan of those old science fiction radio shows and announces for us when we open the Theater of the Quantum Argonauts, for free." says Cy.
"I enjoy doing things like this." says Don.
"Today, we need you to do a little extra work announcing." says Cy.
"On what?" asks Don.
"A little something I wrote called 'Mars 3'." says Cy.
"Can I see the script?" asks Don.
"Here you go." says Cy as Don walks over, grabs the script from him, and sits down at the table.
"Nice story. I see why you would use it." says Don.
"Why?" asks Conrad.
"Because it has only two roles in it." says Don.
"I guess we don't need to lie to you." says Cy.
"I'll be happy to do the announcing." says Don.
"That's great. Now all we need now is our sound man." says Cy.
"That would be me." says another voice.
"Chester!" says Cy as he spots a man by the door.
"Happy to be here to do this. I think I know why I'm here." says Chester as he walks over to the table.
"I guess we can't keep it a secret." says Cy.
"I'll need to see the script." says Chester.
"Here you go." says Don as he hands the script over to Chester.
"Nice. I think I can give you the sounds you need." says Chester.
"With what?" asks Louisa.
"He has this labtop, which has this program with thousands and thousands of sounds and can even create sounds. He just feeds the sound cues into the program and you got a radio show." says Cy.
"You got it." says Chester.
"I guess you can have your show now." says Louisa.
"Just watch us." says Cy as Chester sits down at the table.
Back at the police station, Polly moves her mop and bucket into the room where the jail cells are located. There are two separate cells in the room. Both are marked with letters, Cell A and Cell B. Eddie, the man brought in this morning, is in Cell A as Polly enters the room.
Polly gets to work on a section of floor as Eddie sits there in his cell.
"Good morning to you." says Eddie.
"Good morning." says Polly.
"I guess the only friend I have at this moment is you, the janitor." says Eddie.
"I don't know if I am." says Polly.
"My name is Eddie." says Eddie.
"Polly's my name." says Polly.
"Well, Polly, can I talk to you?" asks Eddie.
"The last time a prisoner talked to me, he told me about something strange." says Polly.
"This might be strange, to say the least." says Eddie.
"What's it about?" asks Polly.
"Suppose someone comes on to you and you get the idea they love you, only to deny it the next time they see you." says Eddie.
"I wouldn't know." says Polly.
"I bet you wouldn't." says Eddie as his mind returns him to the night of the party.
Various people are engaged in party activities, including Mrs. Berner, who's partaking of a cocktail.
"I think you pushing it with the cocktails." says Dr. Berner, a 41-year-old with graying hair, wearing a checkered coat, black tie, and black dress pants.
"Don't tell me how to drink." says Mrs. Berner.
"I'm not." says Dr. Berner.
"Then let me have some fun." says Mrs. Berner as she walks away.
Mrs. Berner roams around the room a bit, looking at those in attendance. She then spies Eddie, keeping to himself next to a potted plant. Mrs. Berner makes her way over to Eddie and the potted plant.
"Hello there, Eddie." says Mrs. Berner.
"Mrs. Berner. Nice to see you." says Eddie.
"Call me Bea." says Mrs. Berner.
"Okay... Bea." says Eddie.
"You know, Eddie, I've kinda had my eye on you for awhile." says Mrs. Berner.
"You have?" says Eddie.
"I think you're kinda cute." says Mrs. Berner.
"You do?" says Eddie.
"You seem nice to me, unlike my husband." says Mrs. Berner.
"Your husband is a nice man." says Eddie.
"He only cares about his work. I'm just his arm candy." says Mrs. Berner.
"Don't say that." says Eddie.
"It's true. I've had my eye on you for a while." says Mrs. Berner.
"Really?" says Eddie.
"Yes, and I feel a certain connection to you." says Mrs. Berner.
"Well, I guess I could say the same, if just a little." says Eddie.
"I wish I could divorce my husband and marry you." says Mrs. Berner.
"Then why don't you?" asks Eddie.
"Because he feels he owns me. I don't feel safe if I tried." says Mrs. Berner.
"I would protect you." says Eddie.
"Thanks, Eddie." says Mrs. Berner as she starts to wander off, back into the mass of those at the party.
"I still can't see it." says Eddie, his mind returning to the present.
"Maybe she will." says Polly as she continues to mop the floor.
In the main office room, Mrs. Berner is sipping on a paper cup filled with water as Elmer looks on. Elmer looks on for a few minutes until Mrs. Berner feels the presence of Elmer.
"Must you look at me?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"I just wanna know what made you tuwn him down." says Elmer.
"Isn't it obivious?" says Mrs. Berner.
"I don't know." says Elmer.
"Me, neither." says Mrs. Berner as her own mind returns to the events of the next day after the party, where Mrs. Berner is outside, trimming up a flower garden.
As she tries to remove a weed in the garden, Eddie walks his way behind her.
"Hello, Bea." says Eddie.
"Hello... Eddie, is it?" says Mrs. Berner.
"That's right." says Eddie.
"What do you want, Eddie?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"I wanted to talk to you about what you said to me at the party." says Eddie.
"What did I say to you at the party?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"That you had feelings for me." says Eddie.
"I never said that." says Mrs. Berner.
"Yes you did. You told me that I was cute." says Eddie.
"I think I would recall me saying that someone was cute." says Mrs. Berner.
"You were drinking last night. That's probably why you don't remember." says Eddie.
"I have a good memory of what happened last night." says Mrs. Berner.
"Then you would remember how you told me that you were your husband's arm candy." says Eddie.
"I would never things like that about my husband." says Mrs. Berner.
"That's what you told me." says Eddie.
"Then you must have heard wrong." says Mrs. Berner.
"I heard it correctly." says Eddie.
"I don't have feelings for you." says Mrs. Berner.
"Yes you do. You're just denying them." says Eddie.
"Get away from me." says Mrs. Berner.
"You love me, admit it." says Eddie.
"I love my husband. I don't love you." says Mrs. Berner.
"Admit it." says Eddie.
"Go away, or I will call the cops." says Mrs. Berner.
Eddie then walks away in a huff, leaving Mrs. Berner to tend to her garden. Just then, her husband, Dr. Berner, walks out of the house and over to Mrs. Berner.
"What did Eddie want?" he asks.
"Nothing." says Mrs. Berner.
The scene then returns to the present as Elmer refills Mrs. Berner's paper cup.
"Do you have feewings for him at aww?" asks Elmer.
"I don't know." says Mrs. Berner.
"I don't see the pwobwem hewe." says Elmer.
"I don't think my husband would understand it." says Mrs. Berner.
"Bit of a wacist?" asks Elmer.
"He just wouldn't." says Mrs. Berner.
"Excuse me, Mws. Bewnew." says Elmer, who then leaves the room to look for Polly.
Elmer finds Polly leaving the jail cell room with her mop and bucket.
"Powwy, I'm gwad I found you." says Elmer.
"What is it, Elmer?" asks Polly.
"I just tawked to Mws. Bewnew and she might actuawwy have feewings for Eddie." says Elmer.
"Eddie is convinced of the same thing." says Polly.
"I wish thewe was some way for them to see it." says Elmer.
"Give me a few minutes." says Polly.
"Okay." says Elmer as Polly moves off.
Several hours later, at the radio station, recording time for the weekend show arrives.
"This is it, the big moment." says Cy as he and Conrad enter a dark control room, along with Joanne, Louisa, Don, and Chester, armed with his labtop.
The back wall of this control room is lined with old-fashioned equipment and reel-to-rell tape recorders. The sound board is also old-fashioned.
"This, right here, is the little-known secret of WHYP." says Cy.
"What is it?" asks Joanne.
"It's Studio B. A leftover from an earlier time." says Cy.
"What's it doing here?" asks Louisa.
"It's here because Mr. Gold's own heritage." says Cy.
"What do you mean?" asks Louisa.
"Mr. Gold founded this radio station back in the 1960s, when there were a lot of garage bands. Well, he thought he could cash in so he started a record label and had this studio built." says Cy.
"How did find this?" asks Joanne.
"During me and Conrad's first week here, when we were trying to figure out a place to do our weekend show." says Cy.
"We found this place and we decided to do our recorded output here." says Conrad.
"Does Mr. Gold know?" asks Louisa.
"As long as we don't bother with Studio A, we're safe." says Cy.
"I can see why." says Louisa.
"I know it." says Conrad.
"I finally see if you really are the son of Debralee Scott." says Louisa.
"How's my radio performance gonna prove it?" asks Cy.
"I'll know." says Louisa.
"Let's get to work." says Conrad.
Cy and Conrad make their way into the studio, along with Don. The studio itself is filled with all that is needed to do a radio play. A piano lays up against a wall and a small forest of microphones stand in the center. Chester takes his labtop and plugs in a cord into the sound board as he switches on the mikes.
"And now, this week, we thought we'd open the Theater of the Quantum Argonauts a week earlier. Don't worry, today's performance will not harm next week's. This week, we bring you 'Mars 3', written and starring Cy Scott, along with Conrad Harris." says Don.
Back at the police station, Polly rushes her way over to where Elmer, excited over something.
"Elmer, I have an idea." says Polly.
"What is it?" asks Elmer.
"Just take these handcuffs and follow my lead." says Polly as she hands Elmer a pair of handcuffs.
"Okay, Powwy." says Elmer as he takes the handcuffs.
"You go over to Mrs. Berner and I'll take Eddie." says Polly.
"To whewe?" asks Elmer.
"The interogation room." says Polly.
"Okay." says Elmer, who then walks over to where Mrs. Berner is sitting.
"Excuse me, Mws. Bewnew. Chief McIntywe needs to see you in the intewogation woom." says Elmer.
"Okay." says Mrs. Berner as she gets up to follow Elmer.
On the other side of the room, Polly walks over to Eddie.
"Excuse me, Eddie. Chief McIntyre would like to see you in the interogation room." says Polly.
"Okay." says Eddie as he gets up to follow Polly.
Elmer takes Mrs. Berner into the interogation room, followed by Eddie and Polly. As Mrs. Berner and Eddie suddenly eye each other, Polly and Elmer lead them to the table in the middle of the room.
"Put Mrs. Berner in that chair." says Polly as she places Eddie in one chair.
Elmer then sits Mrs. Berner in the chair across the table from Eddie.
"What are you doing?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"This." says Polly, who then takes Eddie's hands and handcuffs them behind the chair.
Elmer then follows suit with Mrs. Berner.
"And now, to make sure you don't get away." says Polly as she walks over and grabs some additional cuffs, this time for their legs.
With Mrs. Berner and Eddie now trapped in their chairs, Elmer and Polly look on.
"Why have you done this?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"We're not leaving until you admit your feelings for Eddie." says Polly.
"What feelings?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"The ones you actually have for Eddie here, not the lies you've said to my uncle." says Polly.
"Go on, Powwy." says Elmer.
"I don't have any." says Mrs. Berner.
"Of course you do. You admitted it to Eddie." says Polly.
"I was drunk." says Mrs. Berner.
"A friend of mine once said that being drunk lets you give the truth about something rather than the lies one normally tells." says Polly.
"That Cy." says Elmer.
"Maybe I have some feeling." says Mrs. Berner.
"Elmer, hold Mrs. Berner's head." says Polly.
"What fow?" asks Elmer.
"I want you to point it at Eddie." says Polly.
"Good idea." says Elmer as he walks over to Mrs. Berner and takes hold of her head.
He then points it at Eddie, so he fills Mrs. Berner's vision.
"Look at him. You must have more than feelings for him." says Polly.
"Maybe." says Mrs. Berner as she tries to push away Elmer.
"Keep that head pointed at Eddie, Elmer." says Polly.
"Okay, Powwy." says Elmer.
Elmer keeps it up for five minutes as Mrs. Berner is forced to stare at Eddie. Eventually, Mrs. Berner's heart and mind are filled with new thoughts.
"Okay, I admit it. I have more than feelings for you, Eddie." says Mrs. Berner.
"You do?" asks Eddie.
"I think I... kinda like you." says Mrs. Berner.
"Admit it." says Polly.
"Okay, the truth is... I kinda love you." says Mrs. Berner.
"You love me?" asks Eddie.
"Ever since the day I first saw you. The reason I didn't say anything is... well, you know my husband." says Mrs. Berner.
"What about Dw. Bewnew?" asks Elmer.
"He's kind of a bigot." says Polly.
"I get it now." says Elmer.
"You don't have to be afraid. I'll protect you." says Eddie.
"Do you mean it?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"I do, because I love you, too." says Eddie.
"How sweet it is." says Elmer.
"You got it." says Polly.
"Can you please remove these cuffs?" asks Mrs. Berner.
"Well... okay." says Polly.
Elmer removes his hands from Mrs. Berner's head and Polly removes the handcuffs from both her and Eddie's hands.
"Thank you for this." says Mrs. Berner.
"Me, too." says Eddie.
The two then gets up and run over to each other.
"Why did I ever deny it?" says Mrs. Berner as the two embrace.
Back at the radio station, Cy and Conrad walk back into the control room after they finish recording their weekend show.
"Another edition of the Theater of the Quantum Argonauts has concluded." says Cy.
"And next week, we do it again." says Conrad.
"This time, we'll have more people and we know what story we're doing." says Cy.
"That was great to see. I've always wondered how they made those old radio shows." says Joanne.
"Well, Louisa, has my performance convinced you of my parentage?" asks Cy.
Louisa looks at Cy and gives a look as she thinks it over.
"Yes, I believe it has. If you say that she is your mother, I believe it." says Louisa.
"What convinced you?" asks Cy.
"Doing your performance, when you made that same face as your mother once did." says Louisa.
"You mean... " says Cy.
"I knew Louisa was a fan of your mother and I wanted to see her offspring." says Joanne.
"But you didn't believe me." says Cy.
"I was testing you. I needed to see you act for me to know." says Louisa.
"I think of all the things I inherited from my mother, my acting skills would be the top of the list." says Cy.
"Well, I guess I'll see you around, Cy." says Louisa as she leaves the room.
"Goodbye from me, too." says Joanne as she follows suit.
"I guess you didn't have to go through this. All you had to do was act for her." says Conrad.
"Well, an actor doesn't do his act anywhere. He needs a stage." says Cy.
"I guess so. Well, another day in the life of the son of Debralee Scott." says Conrad.
"May she rest in peace." says Cy.
Back at the police station, Mrs. Berner and Eddie are sitting in a chair making out in the main office area of the place as Polly, Officer Grace, Chief McIntyre, and Elmer look on.
"I can't believe you, Polly. You actually solved a problem." says Chief McIntyre.
"I just remembered what Cy would do if he were in my place." says Polly.
"However you did it, just remember that Dr. Berner is suppose to be in any minute to check on his wife." says Officer Grace.
"Not fow wong." says Elmer.
Just then, Dr. Berner makes his way into the police station and sees his wife and Eddie making out.
"Bea, what are you doing?" asks Dr. Berner.
"I'm being with my love." says Mrs. Berner.
"But I'm your love." says Dr. Berner.
"I'm just your arm candy." says Mrs. Berner.
"Eddie, you let go of my wife!" says Dr. Berner.
"I will not!" says Eddie.
"Why would do this to me, and with a... a... " says Dr. Berner.
"Can it." says Mrs. Berner.
"If you want each other, fine! Just don't come home tonight." says Dr. Berner, who then storms out of the police station.
"You can stay with me." says Eddie.
"Thanks." says Mrs. Berner.
The two then get up and together, walk out of the police station.
"Well, I think I will make my way home." says Polly.
"I guess I'ww go back to the unempwoyment wine with my fiddwe." says Elmer as he puts it back in the case.
"Elmer, I've decided to get you a job here as my assistant." says Chief McIntyre.
"Thank you, Chief McIntywe." says Elmer.
"You start tomorrow at 6:00 am." says Chief McIntyre.
"I'ww be hewe." says Elmer.
"See you tomorrow then, Elmer." says Polly, who then walks out of the police station.
As she reaches the main sidewalk, she is met by the biking Cy once more.
"Interesting day at work?" asks Cy.
"The usual." says Polly.
"Me, too." says Cy.

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This concludes the sixth episode of the current blog season.

The next episode of The Quantum Argonauts will be posted in two weeks, on December 5. Until then, I'll be seeing ya!

A Pregnant Dream Confronts Thee

Sorry for the two-day delay but I was engaged in activities to help get ready for today's launch of STS-129 for the ISS. Although the following story has nothing to do with that, I thought I'd mention it as the reason for my lack of posting last week.

As usual, we proceed once again into the world of The Quantum Argonauts. In this case, if you can remember what happened in the last story, it would help, for this story directly follows that one.

Here, as always, is our story...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cy has just finished his first date with Joanne, the girl he met during the pinball machine mystery earlier that day. The time is about 1:00 am and Cy is walking Joanne up the driveway to the house.
"After they brought that pinball machine into the green room, Conrad got the honor of the first game." says Cy.
"How's he do?" asks Joanne.
"As well as he always does. Only an hour and he had the highest score that machine ever had. He kept playing for two more hours until he decided to go home." says Cy as they finally reach the front door.
Joanne opens the door and Cy stands outside.
"I've had a wonderful time, Joanne." says Cy to Joanne, standing inside her house, ready to close the door.
"Then why don't come in? Extend the date." says Joanne.
"I prefer to wait for awhile, at least until I know if she's ready for me." says Cy.
"Will I know?" asks Joanne.
"My mother taught me to look into a date before checking into their bed." says Cy.
"Smart woman." says Joanne.
"And you're as smart as she." says Cy.
"Good night, Cy." says Joanne as she closed the door.
"What a girl. If you could only met her, Mama." says Cy as he walks away from the house.
As Cy strolls his way back home, he whistles an old tune very well. The nighttime streets are quiet. Cy breathes in the night air as he makes his way to a crosswalk. He looks both ways.
Coming down one end is a car but Cy feels he can beat it. Cy starts walking across the street, keeping an eye on the oncoming car. As the car nears him, he gets a look at the driver, lighted by the dashboard's greenish-blue glow.
"Conrad?" says Cy as he spots his friend behind the wheel.
Cy soon realizes that he's standing in the car's path. He hopes his friend will see him and stop but Conrad closes in. Cy then sees any escape disappear as the car's headlights blind him.
Quickly, he jumps up a bit and manages to get himself flipped onto the hood of the car. He hits with a thud but the car keeps moving down the street.
Cy looks in the car and sees that Conrad is not noticing Cy on the hood. Cy gives the windshield a few knocks but Conrad keeps moving. All through this, Conrad is mumbling something but Cy can't tell what it is through the glass of the windshield.
Finally, the car pulls into a driveway. Cy looks ahead and sees that the house is of Conrad's older sister, Darlene. The house is dark as its owner is in bed.
Conrad makes his way out of the car and walks past Cy as he removes himself from the hood. He rushes over to Conrad and halts his movement.
"Conrad?" says Cy.
"Cy, is that you? What are you doing here?" asks Conrad.
"It's me, Cy, all right, and I might ask you the second question back at ya." says Cy.
"I'm here to take my sister to the hospital." says Conrad.
"What for?" asks Cy.
"She's about to give birth." says Conrad, who them resumes his progress toward the front door.
Cy is confused by Conrad's answer, for Darlene is not pregnant at all. Cy rushes back over to Conrad at the front door as he opens the front door.
"Conrad, your sister is not pregnant in the least. She's has no way for it to happen." says Cy.
"She's pregnant, or haven't you notice for the past nine months?" says Conrad as he enters the house.
Cy thinks back and doesn't remember any or all talk of Darlene being pregnant. Still confused, Cy rushes into the house and finds Conrad looking for his sister in the living room.
"Where is she?" asks Conrad.
"In bed, I think. Conrad, your sister is as pregnant as me, as in not at all." says Cy.
"She is pregnant. Quick, boil some water." says Conrad.
Cy takes a closer look at Conrad and sees that his eyes are opened wide and his look is dazed.
"Conrad, I've seen that look in your eyes a few times. It was those times my mother would sleepwalk. Conrad, you're sleepwalking." says Cy.
"I am not! I am here to take my sister to the hospital." says Conrad.
Cy thinks over his options and finally, delivers a slap to Conrad's face, waking him up.
"What's going on here? What am I doing at my sister's house?" says Conrad.
"You're here because your sister's about to give birth." says Cy.
"Darlene's not pregnant." says Conrad.
"I know that, but a few seconds ago, you thought she was." says Cy.
"That's impossible." says Conrad.
"I heard you asking me to boil some water. Say, come to think of it, why do people in movies say that?" says Cy.
"Think of what?" asks Conrad.
"To boil water when a woman's in labor. The last time I remember my mother telling me about my entry into the world, the only thing she wanted to do with water was dunk my father's head into a bucket of it." says Cy.
"Cy, why are you here?" asks Conrad.
"Because you were sleepwalking and you hit me with your car on the way over here." says Cy.
"That's impossible." says Conrad.
"Not really. When my mother was sleepwalking, I read up on it and found cases of people performing things while sleepwalking, even surgery." says Cy.
"I am a sleepwalker and my sister's not pregnant!" says Conrad.
"I know I'm not." says Darlene, entering the room, dressed in a nightgown right out of the 19th Century, with a hairstyle to match.
"Darlene, you wouldn't believe it, but as I was walking home tonight, I saw Conrad in his car coming at me." says Cy.
"That doesn't help me with you here." says Darlene.
"Not, Conrad was really coming at me. I only lived because I jumped and managed to be flipped onto the hood. When we got here, I confronted Conrad and he told me that he was here to rush to the hospital because you were about to give birth." says Cy.
"But I'm not pregnant." says Darlene.
"You know, this reminds me of the dream I was having. I was driving over here to take pregnant Darlene to the hospital." says Conrad.
"Only this time, you were really doing it." says Cy.
"I'm not pregnant, the last time I checked." says Darlene.
"Go to bed, Darlene. I'll drive Conrad home and stay there for the rest of the night." says Cy.
"Okay, Cyrus." says Darlene as she heads back to bed.
Cy collects Conrad and walks him back to the car. Cy and Conrad then make their way to Conrad's house.
"Cy, you sleep on the couch." says Conrad as the two enter the house.
"Go, but first, I'll call Thomas and tell him where I am." says Cy.
Cy then walks over to the phone and picks it up. He dials his number and waits as the phone on the other end rings.
"Hello?" says Thomas when he picks up the other end.
"Hello, this is Cy." says Cy.
"Cy, where are you? Are you with Joanne?" says Thomas.
"Like I'm stupid enough to sleep with a girl on the first date. I'm at Conrad's. Listen, as I was walking home, I bumped into Conrad driving, literally." says Cy.
"Are you hurt?" asks Thomas.
"No, I'm fine. I managed to avoid death. Anyway, I managed to land on his hood and we arrived at his sister's house. When I confront him, he tells me the reason he rushed over was that his sister was about to give birth." says Cy.
"Well, what's wrong with that?" asks Thomas.
"For starters, she's not pregnant, in the least." says Cy.
"What was happening?" asks Thomas.
"I found that Conrad was sleepwalking. I managed to awaken him." says Cy.
"So, why are you at his house?" asks Thomas.
"Because I wanna make sure Conrad doesn't repeat it." says Cy.
"I see. Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." says Thomas.
"See ya then." says Cy, who then hangs up the phone.
Cy then walks from the phone to the couch. He sits down on it and decides to watch a little television before sleeping. Cy turns on the television and watches it for a long time. Eventually, the sun rises as Cy continues to watch television.
Cy notices the time, 6:00 am, on the clock on the wall and decides not to awaken Conrad and instead, head into work.
With a close of the door, Cy walks his way from Conrad's house to the radio station. Cy's walk is mixed with the sleepiness he feels in his head. However, the feeling fades as the fresh air enters his body. The walk brings back feelings for Cy. He soon reaches the radio station and makes his way into the green room.
In the green room, Cy takes up a magazine and waits for Phil to arrive, which happens about an hour and 15 minutes after Cy's arrival.
"Hello, Cy, what are you doing here so early?" asks Phil as he enters the green room.
"Waiting for you." says Cy, putting down the magazine.
"What for?" asks Phil.
"Last night, after I returned Joanne to her house, I happened about Conrad, or he happened on me." says Cy.
"What's wrong with that?" asks Phil.
"He was doing it in a car and almost ran me down. Luckily, I managed to get myself flipped onto the hood and avoid death itself. I managed to stay on until we reached his sister's house. When I asked him, he told me that he was there to rush his sister to the hospital to give birth." says Cy.
"I didn't know Darlene was pregnant." says Phil.
"That's the interesting part, she isn't. It turns out Conrad was sleepwalking." says Cy.
"That's one hell of a dream." says Phil.
"I spent the night at Conrad's house but I didn't sleep. I just watched television. I even caught a re-run of one of my mother's shows." says Cy.
"Good for you. Nice to see you still enjoy them." says Phil.
"I never stopped." says Cy.
"Just which one was it?" asks Phil.
"Welcome Back, Kotter. Specifically, that first one, where she pretends to be pregnant." says Cy.
"Watched it out of mindfulness for Conrad?" asks Phil.
"Just watched it. I don't need a reason to watch." says Cy.
"Deja vu all over again." says Phil.
"You managed to get that one, Phil. You have learned. That's why I need you to take Conrad's place on today's broadcast." says Cy.
"Why can't Conrad do it?" asks Phil.
"Because he needs his sleep after what happened last night." says Cy.
"Okay. What do I need to know?" says Phil.
"Just follow my lead. You have watched me and Conrad at work?" says Cy.
"I have." says Phil.
"You know what to say?" asks Cy.
"I do." says Phil.
"Then you're ready for your radio debut. Don't worry, I'll make sure to give you enough room to roam and find a voice." says Cy.
"I think I have my voice. I'm the intern of the son of Debralee Scott." says Phil.
"Good enough for me. You even made sure to give kudos to your boss." says Cy.
"I aim to please." says Phil.
"Good to know, good to know." says Cy.
Just then, the phone rings in the green room. Cy rushes over and picks it up.
"Hello?" says Cy.
"Hello, you have a phone call." says Loni, the radio station secretary at the front desk.
"Who from?" asks Cy.
"A Darlene Harris at Hyperion General Hospital." says Loni.
"Put me through." says Cy.
"Cyrus, Cyrus?" says Darlene when the call is put through.
"Darlene, why are you at the hospital, as if I didn't know." says Cy.
"It was weird. My brother came to my house and dragged me to the car, saying I was in labor. He rushed me over here and tried to admit me as a patient." says Darlene.
"Where's Conrad now?" asks Cy.
"He fell asleep in the waiting room." says Darlene.
"You mean he's fell back into slumber. I believe he was sleepwalking again." says Cy.
"Where were you?" asks Darlene.
"I was at work." says Cy.
"Well, what do I do now?" asks Darlene.
"Ask a doctor to perform a pregnancy test on you." says Cy.
"What?" says Darlene.
"Get one and see if Conrad is anyway right." says Cy.
"Okay, but only for my brother." says Darlene, who then hangs up.
"I need not guess at what the nature of the call." says Phil.
"I left him in bed to sleep. I shoulda known." says Cy.
"Well, even someone like you can have a mental lapse." says Phil.
"My mother did. Why should I be immune?" says Cy.
"Shall we rehearse my radio debut?" asks Phil.
"Relax. You already know what to do." says Cy.
Eventually, the end of Barry and Terry's show arrives and Cy and Phil enter the control room as the duo sign off.
"Well, I hope you'll stay tuned to the Cy & Conrad Show, coming up next." says Barry.
The closing theme then starts playing as Barry and Terry make their way out of the studio.
"Hey, Cy. Where's Conrad?" asks Barry.
"He's out this morning. In his place, I have decided to debut Phil here." says Cy.
"I see. What happened, Conrad finally give up?" says Terry.
"Terry, I have much better things to do than listen to you." says Cy.
Cy and Phil then file past Barry and Terry and enter the studio. Cy takes his place by his mic, with Phil taking Conrad's usual spot.
"Ready, Phil?" asks Cy.
"Ready." says Phil.
The opening theme to the show starts as Cy's mic is opened and Cy speaks, "Good morning, City of Hyperion. This is Cy Scott, and today, my friend Conrad is not here, so in his place is WHYP intern Phil Turner!"
Cy then makes applause sounds by beating his hands on his stomach.
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen." says Phil.
"Here at WHYP, we radio personalities are assigned interns. These interns are to study our methods and learn from us. Let me say, Phil has learned a lot." says Cy.
"Thanks, Cy. That's nice to hear." says Phil.
"Let us begin today's broadcast with some news." says Cy.
"I agree." says Phil.
The hour soon comes and goes. Phil manages to do pretty well as Cy's co-host and even made his own mark. The show ends with Phil saying, "Tomorrow, your regular sidekick will be here."
The closing theme plays and Cy and Phil exit the studio.
"Good show today, including Phil." says the engineer.
"Thanks." says Phil.
"I don't know about you, but I think I'll go home and rest." says Cy, who then makes his way out of the control room.
As Cy leaves the station, he decides to pay a visit on Conrad. When Cy reaches the house, he finds Conrad's car parked in the driveway.
"Conrad?" asks Cy as he enters the house.
"Cy?" says Conrad from the kitchen.
Cy closes the door behind him and walks his way into the kitchen, where he finds Conrad sitting at the table.
"Conrad, I thought you didn't sleepwalk." says Cy.
"Laugh all you want. It's hard waking up in a hospital waiting room to the story of how you rushed your sister to the hospital because of what you said last night." says Conrad.
"Did the doctor give you anything when you left?" asks Cy.
"He gave me this." says Conrad, holding up a large manilla envelope.
"This must be the pregnancy test I had Darlene get done." says Cy, taking the envelope.
"Why did you ask that of my sister?" asks Conrad.
"Because maybe you're having a flash of ESP, just nine months early." says Cy as he opens the envelope.
"Cy, I know you believe in that stuff, but I don't." says Conrad.
"Let me read this." says Cy, pulling a piece of paper from the envelope.
Cy reads the paper, the results of Darlene's pregnancy test.
"It says here your sister is not pregnant." says Cy.
"That proves what we already know." says Conrad.
"I know. If any man came near her with any designs like that, she'd cry rape." says Cy.
"Don't joke about that, Cy." says Conrad.
"You're being a little jumpy this morning." says Cy.
"Who hosted the show with you this morning?" asks Conrad.
"Phil, making his radio debut." says Cy.
"I wonder how that went." says Conrad.
"It went as well as always. Phil's a natural fit for the radio." says Cy.
"Nice to hear." says Conrad.
"I don't know about you, but I hope you'll be at the radio station tomorrow." says Cy.
"I will be there." says Conrad.
Cy then makes his leave, taking the test results with him to show Darlene.
"You're not in the family way, Darlene." says Cy 30 minutes later at Darlene's house.
"I know that. I would know if any man's been in me." says Darlene.
"I just had the doctors perform that test to see if Conrad will stop this sleepwalking." says Cy.
"You know how long this has been happening?" asks Darlene.
"I assume since last night." says Cy.
"It's been happening for about two weeks now. I've found him at my house for that amount of time." says Darlene.
"That would explain why's been a bit jumpy for the last two weeks." says Cy.
"It's amazing that you would end up involved in this." says Darlene.
"It's amazing that it's made it all the way to the hospital." says Cy.
"That's the latest thing." says Darlene.
"Something must be annoying Conrad enough to cause him to sleepwalk. I know that from my mother's sleepwalking adventures, these kinds of people have something on their mind they refuse to let go." says Cy.
"Once again, your mother enters the picture when one of your friends needs help." says Darlene.
"Don't blame my Mama, Darlene." says Cy.
"Anyway, how do you propose we find this problem on my brother's mind?" asks Darlene.
"I'll let you know." says Cy, who then makes his leave.
That evening, Cy walks his way back up the Shulmans' driveway as he readies to take Joanne on a second date. As he walks up, he whistles a happy tune.
He soon reaches the front door and rings the doorbell. The chimes that rings out further cement the wealth of the Shulmans. After a moment, one of the large oak door swing open.
"Good evening, Cy." says Joanne.
"Good evening, Joanne. I've come to take you out on a second date." says Cy.
"So soon?" says Joanne.
"Well, I couldn't wait to see you again." says Cy.
"Well, I guess I could tag along." says Joanne, who then extends his right arm for Cy to take.
Cy then takes the extended arm and the two begin to walk down the driveway and off on their second date.
"How's your day been so far?" asks Joanne.
"Joanne, would you believe that since I saw you last, I haven't slept a wink?" says Cy.
"I could believe it, if you told me why." says Joanne.
"Well, after last night, as I was walking home, Conrad ran into me, literally." says Cy.
"Are you alright?" asks Joanne.
"I'm fine. Anyway, Conrad took me, for lack of a better word, on a ride, where we ended up at his sister's house." says Cy.
"What was he doing there?" asks Joanne.
"When I asked him, he told me that he was there to rush his sister to the hospital, for she was in labor." says Cy.
"What's so weird about that?" asks Joanne.
"Conrad's sister, Darlene, is not pregnant. Furthermore, she's never been in any shape to have one because of her cold heart." says Cy.
"You don't mean that." says Joanne.
"Anyway, it turns out Conrad was sleepwalking and I had to awaken him." says Cy.
"And when you told him he was sleepwalking, what did he say?" says Joanne.
"He said I was nuts to suggest such an idea. Not only that, but he happened again, in the morning. This time, he succeeded in his goal." says Cy.
"What happened then?" asks Joanne.
"I told Conrad to take the day off and I had my intern Phil fill in, so to speak." says Cy.
"Did he do well?" asks Joanne.
"He made me proud. He knew how to interact, for once I get into the radio studio, I just take off." says Cy.
"I have to see you perform sometime." says Joanne.
"I can arrange that." says Cy.
Late that night, Joanne lays in her bed, reading a romance novel. She turns a page as the sound of music enters the room. Joanne, at first, can't make out if the sound is real or in her head.
She eventually figures out that the sound is coming from outside her bedroom window. She gets out of her bed and walks over to the window and opens it. As she looks out, she spots Cy on the ground below, playing a mandolin.
Cy's playing entices Joanne as she listens. The melody of "Love in Bloom" flies from the mandolin. When Cy finishes, Joanne gives applause.
"I didn't know you played the mandolin, Cy." says Joanne.
"I call it my lady-skill because it helps me with the ladies." says Cy.
"I've never been serenaded before." says Joanne.
"Nice to be the first." says Cy.
"Play some more, for me." says Joanne.
"Okay." says Cy, who then begins to play "Joanne" by Mike Nesmith. As Cy plays, Joanne swoons over it.
The next day, Cy makes his way into the green room as he dances his way in. As he enters the green room, Phil is pouring a cup of coffee.
"Happy hump day, Cy." says Phil.
"Right back at'cha." says Cy, sitting himself down in a chair.
"What's with you today?" asks Phil, taking a sip of his coffee.
"I had the best night so far with my new girl Joanne last night." says Cy.
"You two finally do it?" asks Phil.
"Of course not. We had a nice dinner and later on in the night, I gave her a serenade." says Cy.
"You are a hopeless romantic." says Phil.
"That I am." says Cy.
"Why haven't you done it yet?" asks Phil.
"Because I haven't earned it yet." says Cy.
"Earn it? How do you earn doing it?" asks Phil.
"My mother told me that you should wait in a new relationship until you have earned the right to make love with your girl." says Cy.
"How does that help?" asks Phil.
"If you do it just to do it, it loses all the favor. If you wait until it becomes part of the natural process of a relationship, then it has been earned and the two lovers are forever together." says Cy.
"Then why haven't you married yet?" asks Phil.
"Because waiting also helps to make sure you love someone. Most of the time, by the time you make love, it's just a formality." says Cy.
"What a genius your mother was." says Phil.
Just then, the phone rings. Cy rushes over and picks up the receiver.
"Cy, you have a phone call from the hospital again." says Loni.
"Just patch me through and forget the charges." says Cy.
"Okay." says Loni as she patches in the call.
"Cy?" says Conrad on the other end.
"Conrad, why are you at the hospital?" asks Cy.
"I brought my sister in labor again. This time, she didn't wait for me to awaken. She took my car and left." says Conrad.
"Wise precaution." says Cy.
"I guess I can walk to work." says Conrad.
Cy looks over at the clock in the green room, which reads 8:09 am.
"No, you walk yourself home for the day." says Cy.
"Thanks." says Conrad.
Cy then hangs up the phone.
"Darlene again?" asks Phil.
"This time, it was Conrad. Darlene's taken possesion of his car." says Cy.
"I guess I'm on hosting duty again." says Phil.
"The following show you're about to do is the same as yesterday. Only the words have been changed to protect the listener from losing it." says Cy.
"With that kind of help, I know I can ace today." says Phil.
After the show, Cy makes his way to Darlene's house, to get her side of what happened this morning.
"Like yesterday, he came in and told me I was in labor. I decided to play along this time, thinking he might snap out of it. When we reached the hospital and he still wasn't awake, I took his car keys and drove home." says Darlene.
"Are you gonna give him back his keys?" asks Cy.
"Only when he gets over this." says Darlene.
"That should stop the trips to the hospital. Darlene, I've decided to investigate this matter further and I need your help." says Cy.
"How so?" asks Darlene.
"Is there any reason your brother might believe you pregnant?" asks Cy.
"Absolutely not!" says Darlene.
"I was just asking." says Cy.
"Well, that's my answer." says Darlene.
"There's has to be something deep in Conrad's mind that surfaces in his sleep, when he dreams. In other words, he gets nervous and he happens to act out his dream." says Cy.
"Cyrus, I know you're not a psychiatrist but you're starting to sound like one." says Darlene.
"Darlene, if you must know, my mother was a sleepwalker. When we finally got a psychiatrist on it, he found something interesting." says Cy.
"What was it?" asks Darlene.
Just then, Cy's brain flashes on an answer to Conrad's problem.
"I have the answer." says Cy.
"What was the question?" asks Darlene.
"How do we help Conrad? The same way my mother was helped." says Cy.
"What?" says a confused Darlene.
"We need a psychiatrist." says Cy.
"We do?" asks Darlene.
"That's the only way we can solve Conrad's problem with his sleepwalking." says Cy.
"When people sleepwalk, they don't usually use a psychiatrist." says Darlene.
"If the sleepwalking follows a pattern, it does." says Cy.
"Do we have a choice?" asks Darlene.
"Can you go through nine months of pregnancy in 12 hours?" says Cy.
"I guess not." says Darlene.
"Good. I'll look one up." says Cy, who then dashes over to where the phone sits.
Cy then opens up the phone book and scans the pages, looking for the psychiatrist listings. Finally, he finds them.
"Here they are, psychiatrists." says Cy.
"Any good ones?" asks Darlene.
"Nothing that strikes me off the bat." says Cy.
"Don't waste your time." says Darlene.
"I think I found one that looks good." says Cy.
"Who is it?" asks Darlene.
"Dr. Hayes." says Cy, pointing to one of the small advert listings in the yellow pages.
"Call him then." says Darlene.
"Okay." says Cy as he puts down the phone book and picks up the phone receiver.
He then dials the number listed and waits as the phone on the other end rings. After a few moments, a voice is heard at the other end, "Hello?"
"Yes, this is Cy Scott. Who is this?" says Cy.
"I'm Dr. Hayes. What is it?" asks Dr. Hayes, in a british accent.
"I'm calling because I've got a friend who needs your kind of help." says Cy.
"Sounds interesting." says Dr. Hayes.
"When can I stop by, with my friend?" asks Cy.
"You can stop by any time today, because I have no patients or anyone else coming in to get their head checked." says Dr. Hayes.
"I'll be there." says Cy, who then hangs up the phone.
"Well, what did he say?" asks Darlene.
"We can go down to his office any time today, so that gives us enough time to trick Conrad into going." says Cy.
"Let it be known that I won't help in any way." says Darlene.
"Suit yourself, just be down there when we get there." says Cy, who then makes his leave.
An hour later, Darlene stands in front of Dr. Hayes' office in downtown Hyperion. As she once again gazes at her watch, she hears the sounds of Cy and Conrad coming up the sidewalk.
"But I don't need a psychiatrist." says Conrad, being slightly dragged by Cy.
"This sleepwalking is gonna get worse unless we find what's causing it." says Cy.
"I know what's causing it, too much stress." says Conrad.
"That's what they all say." says Cy.
"Well, I guess I'm not alone in saying it." says Conrad.
"You're getting help and that's that." says Cy as he and Conrad reach where Darlene is standing.
"I can't believe that you're going along with this, Darlene." says Conrad.
"I have no choice in the matter. I don't wish to be rushed to the hospital again." says Darlene.
"All right, let us move." says Cy, who then walks his way up to the front door of the building.
Conrad and Darlene follow Cy to the front door of the building. Cy knocks on the door as the two arrive. From inside, a voice is heard, "Come in."
Cy, Conrad, and Darlene then enter the building, which contains a small waiting room. The waiting room has the standard assortment of chairs and tables. Behind a desk in a far corner is a receptionist.
"Come in." says the receptionist as she notices the entry of the three.
"Thank you." says Cy.
Cy, Conrad, and Darlene each take a chair in the waiting room as they wait for the receptionist to usher them into Dr. Hayes' office.
Just then, the door to the main office opens and out steps Dr. Hayes, a man about 35, dressed in a brown suit with black tie, and bearing a passing resemblance to the late Graham Chapman.
"No need to have these people wait. I can see them right now." says Dr. Hayes to the receptionist.
"Okay, doc." says the receptionist.
Cy, Conrad, and Darlene make their way into Dr. Hayes' office as the doctor himself takes a sit behind a desk.
"Thank you for seeing us." says Cy.
"You're welcome. I could use the business." says Dr. Hayes.
"It's been bad, hasn't it?" says Cy.
"Well, people just don't have the money to afford me, even though I always keep my rates low." says Dr. Hayes.
"That reminds me, how much to pay you?" says Cy.
"It's on the house. I've still got a few paying customers and they dish out the load so they can air their minds." says Dr. Hayes.
"That's good to know, good to know." says Cy.
"Now, what problem have you brought to my attention?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Well, it concerns Conrad over here." says Cy.
"Conrad? Conrad who?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Conrad Harris." says Cy.
"I see." says Dr. Hayes.
"Anyway, the problem is that he's sleepwalking." says Cy.
"Sleepwalking? Did you say sleepwalking?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I did." says Cy.
"You don't need a psychiatrist for when someone's sleepwalking. That'd be like taking a car in when it runs low on gas." says Dr. Hayes.
"It's not just sleepwalking, this sleepwalking has a pattern." says Cy.
"What kind of a pattern?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"You see, Conrad's sister over there, her name is Darlene, Darlene Harris is her name, is involved in this." says Cy.
"It's not one of those incest things, is it?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"No, perish the thought here." says Cy.
"Good." says Dr. Hayes.
"You see, Conrad has been going over to his sister's house every night to rush her to the hospital, which he actually has done in the past couple of days at least twice." says Cy.
"What on Earth for?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"In these sleepwalks, he believes Darlene is pregnant and in labor." says Cy.
"And is she?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Of course not. If any man came near her with thoughts like that, he's end up in a federal prison." says Cy.
"I see." says Dr. Hayes.
"This has only occurred in the last couple of days, to the best of my knowledge. I just wanna know what's causing it." says Cy.
"I see." says Dr. Hayes, who then gets up from his chair and starts walking around the room.
Dr. Hayes walks his way over to where Conrad is sitting, in a far corner of the room.
"Your friend over there says you're a sleepwalker." says Dr. Hayes.
"I am not a sleepwalker." says Conrad.
"Well, your friend says you are." says Dr. Hayes.
"I might be sleepwalking a little." says Conrad.
"A little, eh?" says Dr. Hayes.
"That's right." says Conrad.
"I guess you wouldn't mind if I tested your mind a bit." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm sane." says Conrad.
"I wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion on that." says Dr. Hayes.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt." says Conrad.
"That's what you think." says Dr. Hayes.
"Isn't that the point?" asks Conrad.
"What point?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"What I think?" says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know that's right." says Conrad.
"What's right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"What I think." says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm right." says Conrad.
"What's right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"What I think." says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
Cy emits a supressed chuckle as he watches the clear-thinking Conrad fail to see the loop Dr. Hayes has placed him in.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"You're right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm right." says Conrad.
"You're right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"I'm right about what I think." says Conrad.
"You got that right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I got that right." says Conrad.
"You got what right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"I got that I was right about what I think." says Conrad.
"I know that you got that right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know that I always got it right." says Conrad.
"What do you always get right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"I always get that I'm right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"About what do you think?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I'm always right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"About what do you think?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I'm always right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"And what do you think about?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I'm always right?" says Conrad.
"Good, it took you long enough." says Dr. Hayes as he writes something down on a small notepad he takes out of his pocket.
"Doctor, what did all that prove?" asks Conrad.
"It proved to me that you are as sane as that comes and that your friend's concern is well-founded." says Dr. Hayes.
"How did that do it?" asks Conrad.
"Simple, I placed your mind in a loop and waited for you to break it." says Dr. Hayes.
"I found the whole thing funny." says Cy.
"Well, I didn't." says Conrad.
"Me, too." says Darlene.
"Should I try the loop on you?" asks Dr. Hayes to Darlene.
"She's prefectly oversane." says Cy.
"I should study it, but I don't think people would be interested." says Dr. Hayes.
"What are you gonna do next?" asks Conrad.
"The standard ink blots, to make sure your mind is able to see things." says Dr. Hayes, who then walks over to a file cabinet and pulls out a stack of paper.
Dr. Hayes walks back over to Conrad with the stack of paper.
"Ink blots? What next?" asks Conrad.
"Don't ask." says Cy.
"Okay, what does this look at?" asks Dr. Hayes as he shows the first ink blot.
"It looks like a house." says Conrad.
"What does this remind you of?" asks Dr. Hayes, holding the second blot.
"It looks like a car." says Conrad.
"And this?" asks Dr. Hayes on blot three.
"A baby." says Conrad.
"Next." says Dr. Hayes, blot four.
"A wheel of cheese." says Conrad.
"This." says Dr. Hayes, blot five.
"A butterfly." says Conrad.
"And finally." says Dr. Hayes, blot six.
"A pair of scissors." says Conrad.
"Good, your mind shows signs of what your friend has been telling me." says Dr. Hayes.
"How?" asks Conrad.
"Because each object you named reflects the dream you have when you sleepwalk." says Dr. Hayes.
"Good work, doctor." says Cy.
"He hasn't really done anything except test my brother's sanity." says Darlene.
"Oh, Darlene, if Conrad is sane to beginning with, maybe we can find what's causing his sleepwalking." says Cy.
"I'll do the finding." says Dr. Hayes.
"Of course, doc." says Cy.
"I think I should probe further." says Dr. Hayes
"Good idea." says Conrad.
"But first, I'll need Mr. Harris to step into the waiting room for a minute." says Dr. Hayes.
"Why should I?" asks Conrad.
"Just do what the doctor says." says Cy.
"Okay." says Conrad, who then gets up from his chair and walks out of the office.
"Why did you just send Conrad out of the office?" asks Cy.
"Because I've decided to hypnotize Mr. Harris and I need to discuss with you what I want you to do when I place him under hypnosis." says Dr. Hayes.
"What we should do? Did I hear you right?" asks Cy.
"That's right. The only way, I feel, to get to the cause of the sleepwalking is to take through the dream he has during it." says Dr. Hayes.
"What roles do we play in this?" asks Darlene.
"Whatever I assign. Darlene, since you're the center of the dream, you'll play yourself and help us through the dream." says Dr. Hayes.
"I hope you'll as good as acting as I am." says Cy.
"Mr. Scott, I think you should play any role that may need your talent, as will I." says Dr. Hayes.
"Like sound effects?" asks Cy.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I'm good at sound effects, trust me." says Cy.
"I guess I have to." says Darlene.
"Is everything clear?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Yes, sir." says Cy.
"Good, I'll ask Mr. Harris to join us." says Dr. Hayes, who then walks over to the office door and asks Conrad to come back in.
"Okay, guys, what were you discussing in here?" asks Conrad as he re-enters the room.
"Nothing." says Cy.
"Nothing?" says Conrad.
"Do me a favor, Mr. Harris, and lay down on the couch." says Dr. Hayes, as he points the couch out to Conrad.
"Okay, whatever you say." says Conrad, who then walks over and lays down on the couch.
"Now, Conrad, tell me about your childhood." says Cy in his best German accent.
"Very funny, Cy." says Conrad.
Dr. Hayes then takes a chair and walks over to by the couch, where he puts down the chair and sits down in it.
"Now, Mr. Harris, do me a favor and stare at this pen." says Dr. Hayes as he takes one out of his pocket.
Conrad then stares at the pen for five minutes, rarely blinking as he does.
"Amazing." whispers Cy to himself.
"Now, Mr. Harris, wave your right foot." says Dr. Hayes.
Conrad then does just that, to the amazement of Cy and Darlene.
"Now, Mr. Harris, I want you to take me through a recent dream. It's early in the morning and you hear the phone ring." says Dr. Hayes, who then points to Cy, who then does the sound effect of a ringing phone.
"Hello?" says Conrad as he picks up the dream phone.
Dr. Hayes then points to Darlene.
"Oh, my brother, my water broke. I need you to take me to the hospital." says Darlene.
"Don't worry, I'll be right there." says Conrad.
Cy then sounds a phone hang-up, footsteps with an door opening and closing, the same with a car door, and the sound of a motor being started.
Cy then sounds a car moving along, then sounds coming to a stop and more footsteps, which ends with a knock on a door.
Cy then points to Darlene, which is followed by Cy opening the door.
"Thank you, my brother." says Darlene as she gives a few false moans.
Cy then sounds two pairs of footsteps and two car doors opening and closing, which is then followed by the moving car sounds. Darlene continues to play along with the whole thing with some false moans and groans.
Cy then sounds the car stopping and more footsteps and the addition of a ding and a swoosh, as if a hospital's front doors were moving open to let in Conrad and Darlene.
"Is there a doctor available?" says Conrad.
"I'm a doctor." says Cy in his best deep voice.
"Good, my sister here is pregnant and in labor." says Conrad.
"I can see that. That isn't a bowling ball under her shirt." says Cy.
Darlene rolls her eyes at Cy's pun.
"Cut the jokes, doctor." says Conrad.
"Okay, nurse, take... " says Cy.
"Miss Harris." says Conrad.
"Miss Harris to birthing room three, " says Cy before he answers himself in a falsetto voice, "Yes, doctor."
Darlene rolls her eyes again at Cy.
"Okay, sis, are you ready?" asks Conrad.
"Ready as I'll ever be." groans Darlene.
"Alright, nurse. Let's ready the patient. Get me some scissors, paper clips, and the machine that goes 'ping'." says Cy.
"Oh, brother." groans Darlene.
"Yes, Darlene?" says Conrad, not getting the idea.
"Never mind." says Darlene.
Darlene then goes into the process of faking birth.
"C'mon now, ma'am, please push." says Cy, now as a Jewish doctor.
"What happened to that other doctor?" asks Darlene.
"He had to take a broken nose to the stock exchange." says Cy.
"What for?" asks Darlene.
"Because only the broker nose." says Cy.
"Cut the jokes, doc, and get that idiot's baby out of her." says Conrad.
"Who's the idiot?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That rapist. He put his seed in my sister." says Conrad.
Dr. Hayes then signals to Cy and Darlene to finish with the delivery.
"I see the head now." says Cy, back in a deep voice.
"Come on, Darlene, push." says Conrad.
Darlene then gives out a few big groans.
"The head's out now and here's the rest." says Cy, who then mimicks a baby crying.
"It's a girl." says Dr. Hayes.
"You think you could name it after my mother?" asks Cy in his own voice.
"I'm not naming my baby Debralee." says Darlene.
"My grandparents did." says Cy.
"Alright now, Conrad, when I cound to three, I want you to awaken. one, two, three." says Dr. Hayes.
Conrad then awakens from his trance.
"Hello, Conrad." says Cy.
"What happened?" asks Conrad.
"We found the source of your sleepwalking." says Dr. Hayes.
"What is it?" asks Conrad.
Cy speaks, "Four weeks ago, there was a report about a librarian being raped. At first, you worried it was Darlene, but then it turned out to be someone else."
"I guess I just filed it away in my mind." says Conrad.
"But it resurfaced. I can only guess that the sleepwalking was preceded by a bout of dreams about the idea of Darlene being pregnant because of the rape." says Dr. Hayes.
"You're right. I just thought it bad dreams and didn't think nothing of it." says Conrad.
"Well, now that we had the baby delivered, I think your sleepwalking should be over." says Dr. Hayes.
"I hope so." says Conrad.
The next day, Conrad makes his way into the green room.
"Happy Thursday, Conrad." says Cy as Conrad enters.
"Right back at ya." says Conrad.
"You're in a happy mood today." says Cy.
"Today was the first day in two weeks that I've awakened in my bed." says Conrad.
"I know it. Darlene told me that you kept waking up in her house." says Cy.
"It was the weirdest thing. I mean, waking up at your sister's house for no reason at all." says Conrad.
"So, you just accepted it, hoping it would stop." says Cy.
"Right." says Conrad.
"And I know the rest." says Cy.
"That's right." says Conrad.
"I kinda liked the hypnotism he performed." says Cy.
"He didn't plant any suggestions in me, did he?" asks Conrad.
Cy thinks for a minute, before he says, "Wave your right foot."
Conrad's right foot then begins to wave around. Conrad looks down and sees the movement.
"He did this, I know it." says Conrad, stopping the foot-waving.
"One leftover, that's it." says Cy.
"I hope so." says Conrad.
"If not, the fun that would ensue would make the rest of us happy." says Cy.
"I'll remember that." says Conrad.

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This concludes the fifth episode of the current blog season

Tune in next week for another adventure of The Quantum Argonauts here on the blogsite and hopefully, you will enjoy it as well as you enjoy this.

See ya next time!

Announcing open submission policy

Stepping out of the world of The Quatum Argonauts, I would like to announce that an open submission policy is being started. That means, you can submit your own story for The Quantum Argonauts. Before going further, I wish to lay out the rules for how such stories should be written.

- Each story must be a minimum of 15 pages.

- Can be written from any point of view.

- Since I like to think of this as 'A TV show without the TV', the language must be no more than PG-rated. That means no profanity, I won't have it.

- The writers of these stories will not receive any payment. If I can't make a buck, neither can you.

The open submissions policy starts right now and this will not close any time soon, so think up the best story for Cy, Conrad, and the whole gang to be in.

All submissions must be e-mailed to the following address: GramFan20@yahoo.com, the official mailing address of the show.

Follow the rules and you, too, can be a member of The Quantum Argonauts!

Upon Us, A Mystery to Solve

This is Mutual, television we all can agree on.

It is 8:00 pm again on Saturday, which means it's time again to become our Saturday night lineup. As mentioned earlier, the special broadcast from Iraq has been postponed until next week.

However, we have the next episode of The Quantum Argonauts for you to enjoy.

We now being the program...

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In the green room of the radio station, we find Cy hunched over a pinball machine, playing as well as he can. It is 8:00 am this Friday morning and the sounds of Barry & Terry can be heard over the speaker set up on the wall of the green room. Cy tries to drown it out by hitting the flipper buttons very hard and keeping the pinball itself in motion.
At that moment, Conrad enters the room, reading a book.
"Good morning, Cy." says Conrad.
"Good morning, Conrad." says Cy.
"Playing well?" asks Conrad.
"As much as a man like me can play." says Cy.
"I see. Are you winning or losing?" says Conrad.
"A little of each." says Cy.
"That well?" says Conrad.
"Don't make fun of me, Conrad." says Cy.
"Well, it's easy when you remember you rarely play pinball." says Conrad.
"Boredom drives a man to do many things." says Cy.
"You're bored enough to play pinball?" asks Conrad.
"I told you to lay off it." says Cy.
"You're an easy target, Cy." says Conrad.
"I am, am I?" says Cy in his normal voice.
"Cy, you're not that good at pinball." says Conrad.
"Conrad, I can't play as well as you. No one can." says Cy.
"I know that. I just can't picture you with this machine." says Conrad.
"Then you need your head examined a bit." says Cy.
"Cy, the whole thing is slightly funny to me." says Conrad.
"Then stop laughing. Then, I won't have to force you." says Cy.
"Well, even someone like you can't keep myself occupied." says Conrad.
"I always had ways of keeping me sane. I could watch TV, listen to the radio, to my music collection. I could even play a little piano if I knew enough of a song to play, but winter has finally got me." says Cy.
"Winter hasn't even started yet." says Conrad.
"That's how I know I'm licked." says Cy.
"Why don't you find something else to do?" asks Conrad.
"I've tried. I just can't seem to find a subject worthy of my interest." says Cy.
"You'll find something, eventually." says Conrad.
"I can only hope, can I? I mean, winter hasn't even started yet and I feel already the on-set of the winter doldrums." says Cy.
"The winter doldrums, the less amount of activity." says Conrad.
Just then, the pinball machine starts malfunctioning.
"Cy, I think you're hitting the flippers too hard." says Conrad.
"It isn't that, it's the whole machine." says Cy.
"I know. Every time I play, it just goes bonkers." says Conrad.
"Maybe it knows your reputation and gets nervous." says Cy.
"I doubt it." says Conrad.
"Come in. In high school, you were the pinball champ." says Cy.
"That's true." says Conrad.
"I know it." says Cy.
"Let's get back to the subject before. The winter doldrums. How long have you had them?" says Conrad.
"For the last few days. One day, they just came upon me and I've been stuck in them ever since, looking for things to do." says Cy.
"And how has that succeeded?" asks Conrad.
"Not so good. Every activity I've picked isn't hit me hard enough to keep going on." says Cy.
"Maybe you just haven't found the right activity." says Conrad.
"Do you think I would give up that easily? I keep hoping that maybe one of these activities is my way out of the winter doldrums but I always never get enough unstuck and it's distressing me." says Cy.
"All I can say is keep trying, you'll get over the winter doldrums." says Conrad.
Cy then loses the pinball and the game.
"Not another loss." says Cy.
"Let me try." says Conrad, putting down his book on the glass and putting a quarter in.
Conrad then pulls back the knob and sends the pinball going. Cy then watches the pinball move every which way, due to Conrad's handling of the flipper buttons.
Cy then picks up the book laying on the glass.
"A mystery novel?" says Cy.
"That's what I've been reading." says Conrad.
"How has it been so far?" asks Cy.
"Pretty good. I've gotten through the first few chapters." says Conrad.
"I would just love to solve a mystery." says Cy.
"You? Solve a mystery?" says Conrad.
"Why not. I mean, I've always wanted to solve a mystery. Look for clues, interviews suspects and witnesses and finally solve the crime at hand." says Cy.
"Maybe reading that book will get you out of the winter doldrums." says Conrad.
"I've tried reading, it doesn't work in this case." says Cy, who then puts the book back down.
Just then, Phil enters the room.
"Good morning, guys." says Phil.
"Good morning, my faithful intern." says Cy, slightly depressed.
"What's wrong with you this morning, Cy?" asks Phil.
"It's the winter doldrums. They've set in for me." says Cy.
"This early before winter?" says Phil.
"They just came upon me, now I can't get out of them." says Cy.
"That's terrible." says Phil, half-heartedly, instead interested in Conrad's playing.
"I see you noticing Conrad's pinball skills. There's pretty amazing. In high school, he was a pinball champion. Even made the national championships. Conrad seems to posess a certain sense about pinball. Remember that song 'Pinball Wizard'? That's what Conrad is." says Cy.
"Conrad isn't deaf, blind, and dumb." says Phil.
"I mean besides that, just a master of pinball." says Cy.
"I get it now." says Phil.
"I knew you would." says Cy.
"What you should do now is try to rehearse today's show." says Phil.
"We will, just as Conrad has finished his game." says Cy.
"How long will that be?" asks Phil.
"Well, Conrad's playings of pinball have lasted six hours on one quarter." says Cy.
"I'll keep it under 30 minutes." says Conrad.
"Can he do that?" asks Phil.
"He once played a quick game in a pizza parlor waiting for his order. He manages to become the high-score champ of the place in twenty minutes." says Cy.
"I wish I had any skill like that." says Phil.
"I can't be taught. You must be born with it." says Cy.
"Okay, guys. I'm not that good." says Conrad.
"There are people who make money being pinball champs." says Cy.
"And I'm not one of those people." says Conrad.
"Have it your way." says Cy.
"I'll go to the control room and keep an eye on Barry & Terry." says Phil, walking to the door.
"See ya there." says Cy.
"See ya, Cy." says Phil as he walks out of the room.
Conrad eventually gathers a high score before letting the pinball drop away.
"Great game, as always." says Cy upon completion of the game.
"Just another game." says Conrad.
Just then, Mr. Gold walks in.
"Hello, you two." says Mr. Gold.
"Good morning, Mr. Gold." says Cy with a slightly depressed sneer.
"Say, Scott, can't get going this morning?" says Mr. Gold in his oily voice.
"Lay off of the jokes this morning." says Cy.
"Cute." says Mr. Gold.
"What do you want?" asks Conrad.
"I came in here to look at this pinball machine." says Mr. Gold.
"What for?" asks Cy.
"I'm gonna give it away." says Mr. Gold.
"About time. This machine is terrible." says Cy.
"Are you getting a new one?" asks Conrad.
"A classic one that someone donating. A 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine." says Mr. Gold.
"A 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine?" says Conrad.
"That's the one. One of our sponsors is donating it to the station, in exchange for some air time. It'll be here on Monday." says Mr. Gold.
"One a deal, two a deal." says Cy.
"What?" whispers Conrad to Cy.
"It's what my mother used to say about people like Mr. Gold." whispers back Cy.
"Mr. Gold, would it be all right if I took the old machine?" says Conrad.
"Take it. I have no further use for this old clunker." says Mr. Gold, patting the machine.
The machine then emits a spark at Mr. Gold's direction.
"Get away from that machine before it kills you." says Cy.
"All right." says Mr. Gold, who then leaves the room.
"A 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine." says Conrad.
"What's so important about them?" asks Cy.
"So important? These machines were built for private homes and upscale arcades." says Conrad.
"I still don't see it." says Cy.
"There were only 200 machines of that particular type produced that year. Most of them have long since been consigned to the junk heap, but many machines are still around. Boy, would I love to have it." says Conrad.
"Well, I think I see it. It would like me finding a copy of a missing Doctor Who episode in my attic." says Cy.
"That's the idea." says Conrad.
"Well, you'll be playing that machine on Monday and you'll have this old clunker at your house." says Cy.
"I think I can fix it." says Conrad.
"Come on, let's head to the control room and figure out today's show." says Cy, who then makes his way to the door.
"Any luck with the winter doldrums today?" says Conrad.
"The pinball machine was my last idea, altogether." says Cy.
"Think harded and you'll be out of them." says Conrad as he and Cy walk out the door and close it behind them.
As the two enter the control room, they watch their two rivals talking away at their mikes.
"What fools these mortals be." says Cy.
"I don't know, Cy. I think these guys have their merits." says Conrad.
"If I can't find those merits, no one can." says Cy.
"Not even you, Cy?" queries Conrad.
"Not even me." says Cy.
At the end of their show, Barry & Terry sign off as usual and exit the studio into the control room.
"If it isn't our followers." says Barry.
"In time slot only." says Cy.
"A little down in the dumps today?" asks Terry.
"It's the winter doldrums and no jokes at my expense today." says Cy.
"The winter doldrums, how nice." says Barry in a mocking tone.
"Lay off the jokes, boys." says Cy.
"Sorry, Cy. What're ya gonna do?" says Barry.
"I can't think of anything right now." says Cy.
"Take your time. We won't be here when you decide." says Terry.
"You'll get it, just wait and see." says Cy.
"Make sure it stays that way." says Terry as he makes his way to the door.
"Me, too." says Barry, following behind.
"You're nuts." says Cy as he enters the studio.
"I say you are, Cy." says Conrad, following behind.
"Well, you can't expect me to take such jokes." says Cy.
"Let them roll off your back." says Conrad, taking his usual place.
"I will from now on." says Cy, taking his place.
With a signal from the engineer, Cy and Conrad begin their show.
"Good morning, Hyperion. This is Cy and Conrad helping to get you ready for the weekend." says Cy.
"That's right." says Conrad.
The whole of the show passes without problem. Cy and Conrad talk up the current events of the day. At the end of the show, the two sign off and walk back into the control room.
"Well, another week under our belts, Conrad." says Cy.
"That it is." says Conrad.
"Now, we got our weekend show to deal with and then, Sunday." says Cy.
"I'm really looking forward to this." says Conrad.
"The only think that you'll looking forward to is that 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine." says Cy.
"That I am." says Conrad.
The two walk their way back to the green room, where they find Phil at the old pinball machine.
"Come on, you stupid machine." says Phil.
"Easy, Phil. Don't upset the machine." says Cy.
"I can't help it." says Phil.
"Phil, you gotta realize that you don't have Conrad's skill." says Cy.
"I think I can win one game of pinball." says Phil.
"Maybe one." says Cy.
"I almost have it." says Phil.
Cy watches as the pinball rolls right between the flippers, ending the game.
"I see. If your goal was to lose the game, you succeeded." says Cy.
"Cy, I know I'm not like Conrad, so don't rub it in." says Phil.
"I might as well have one final turn at this machine while its here." says Conrad, walking over to the machine.
"I thought you were gonna take it home?" asks Cy.
"Once I get it home, I'm not gonna play it." says Conrad.
"Just like you, Conrad. You never take advantage at having something unique." says Cy.
"I'm not like you." says Conrad.
"I know that." says Cy.
The day soon passes and the weekend comes and goes, as well. Cy and Conrad do their weekend show and say goodbye to the old pinball machine.
"Good bye, old friend." says Cy.
"You can still see it in my garage." says Conrad.
"Really?" says Cy.
"That's where I'm putting it." says Conrad.
"Well, that's where it belongs." says Cy.
"Come on, Cy." says Conrad as he leaves the green room.
The rest of the weekend passes very smoothly and Monday morning soon arrives over Hyperion. Cy and Conrad walk into the radio station, having met up outside.
"Gotten out of the winter doldrums yet?" asks Conrad as he and Cy walk through the front doors.
"No, not yet. I still can't find anything to do and I'm running out of ideas." says Cy.
"You find something to do." says Conrad.
"I keep thinking that's gonna happen, but it hasn't." says Cy.
"You'll find it, don't worry." says Conrad.
"What do you suggest I do?" asks Cy.
"You're actually asking me?" says Conrad.
"Yep." says Cy.
"I don't know. Are you sure you wanna ask me?" says Conrad.
"I'm starting to doubt that a bit and I just came up with the idea." says Cy.
"I have nothing that would help you out of the winter doldrums." says Conrad.
"I guess I can come up with a few more ideas but I'm gonna think harder this time." says Cy as the two walk into the hallway.
"That's your only course of action." says Conrad.
"I'm not gonna let the winter doldrum lick me, not yet." says Cy.
"You're running low on ideas and it's best you do something before you ruin our show." says Conrad as they reach the green room.
"Well, behind this door is a 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine." says Cy.
"I can't wait to get my fingers on those flippers." says Conrad.
"I know you can't." says Cy as he opens the door.
Cy looks in and sees something very wrong.
"Conrad, come here and see what I see." says Cy.
Conrad steps inside the green room and sees Mr. Gold, standing next to an empty space where the old pinball machine was.
"Cy, where's the pinball machine?" asks Conrad.
Cy and Conrad stare at the empty space, as well as Mr. Gold.
"Where is it?" asks Mr. Gold.
"Mr. Gold?" says Cy.
"Oh, you two, as you can see, something's happened to our 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine." says Mr. Gold.
"That I can see." says Cy.
Just then, Phil enters the room.
"Hey, guys, still taking in the new machine?" asks Phil.
"Phil, it's not here." says Cy, gesturing to the empty space.
"I see it now. I guess Conrad's not getting a turn." says Phil.
"I guess not." says Cy.
"I wonder where it went." says Mr. Gold.
"Well, I guess me and Conrad should get ready for our show today." says Cy, walking towards a chair.
"I guess we should." says Conrad, following behind.
As Cy and Conrad take their seats, Mr. Gold still remains standing as he wonders at the whereabouts of the new pinball machine.
"I guess I should go check on Barry and Terry for you guys." says Phil to Cy and Conrad.
"Thanks." says Cy.
"You're welcome." says Phil as he makes his way out of the green room.
Mr. Gold slowly moves away from the empty space as he walks towards the door.
"I'm gonna report this to the police." says Mr. Gold, who then makes his leave from the green room.
"I wonder where that machine is." says Cy.
"Don't worry, they'll find it." says Conrad.
"I hope so." says Cy.
"I wonder who would want to steal a pinball machine?" says Phil.
"There's a question. The theft of a machine that one wouldn't normally steal." says Cy.
"That is an interesting question, but what's the answer?" asks Conrad.
Cy thinks for a few seconds as Conrad's eyes and Phil's eyes focus on him. He then has a thought.
"I know someone who can." says Cy.
"Who do you know that can solve this?" asks Conrad.
"Us, we're gonna solve it." says Cy.
"I know you're trying to get out of the winter doldrums but we can't solve a mystery." says Conrad.
"Why not? I'll be fun and it'll get us out of the winter doldrums at last." says Cy.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt to solve a mystery." says Conrad.
"There we go. Now, the first thing we do is talk to the victim of this crime." says Cy.
"I'm standing right here, Cy." says Conrad.
"Not you, my partner. I'm talking about Mr. Gold." says Cy.
. Two hours later, Cy and Conrad are walking down the hallway to Mr. Gold's office. Cy is smoking a cigar as he knocks on the office door.
"Come in." says Mr. Gold, writing down something.
Cy then opens the door and he and Conrad walk into the room. Cy's face is shadowed by his hat, pulled down over his forehead.
"What do you want, Scott and Harris?" asks Mr. Gold.
"We were to solve a mystery." says Cy.
"What mystery?" asks Mr. Gold.
"The mystery of your missing pinball machine." says Cy.
"Really?" says Mr. Gold.
"Don't underestimate me, my friend. I assure you that we are good at what we do." says Cy.
"What do you want, you two?" asks Mr. Gold.
"We know that a pinball machine was stolen from this radio station." says Cy.
"That's right." says Mr. Gold.
"We know that it was a 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine." says Cy.
"That's right." says Mr. Gold.
"And as you said before, those kinds of machines are rare." says Cy.
"That's what I said." says Mr. Gold.
"Listen, Mr. Gold. I will locate your missing machine for a small fee. Let's say, uh, $100?" says Cy.
"$100? To find the machine?" says Mr. Gold.
"You don't have to pay me when I find it. Just keep in mind that if you don't pay, you'll get yours." says Cy.
"We'll do it for free." says Conrad.
"Deal." says Mr. Gold.
"Why did you do that for?" asks Cy.
"Remember, Mr. Gold is the man with our jobs in his hands and it wouldn't be helpful if we ask to be paid when our pay is at stake." says Conrad.
Just then, the door to the office opens and Officer Grace walks in.
"Hello, Mr. Gold." says Officer Grace as she sees Cy and Conrad..
"Officer Grace, I'm sure you're familiar with Scott and his friend Harris." says Mr. Gold, gesturing at Cy and Conrad.
"Yes, I am." says Officer Grace.
"Don't mind them, they're here to help me. Say they wanna solve this mystery." says Mr. Gold.
"Then I might as well get this report filled out." says Officer Grace.
"Gladly." says Mr. Gold.
"Now, tell me how you got this pinball machine?" says Officer Grace.
Mr. Gold explains, "I made this deal with Joe Shulman, the owner of Shulman Coffee, for ad space on the air, in exchange for a new pinball machine for the green room. His father had bought the machine and he was giving it to me, saying it had no purpose. It was to be delivered overnight but it hasn't come in yet."
"I see, and has anyone else known about this new machine?" asks Officer Grace.
"I told that Scott character and his buddies about it. That Conrad, he's a former champion at pinball, so I hear." says Mr. Gold.
"Anything else?" asks Officer Grace.
"Not really." says Mr. Gold.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to take over the questioning for now. I'll let you know of my findings." says Cy.
"Okay, detectives." says Officer Grace as she leaves the room.
"Now, Mr. Gold, what are your orders for me?" asks Cy.
"Go find it." says Mr. Gold.
"Glad to be of service." says Cy, turning back to the door, with Conrad following suit.
As Cy and Conrad leaves the office, Mr. Gold's mind wonders at what has happened.
"That Cy. What makes him think he can solve anything." says Mr. Gold.
Cy walks his way back to the green room. Upon entry, Cy sees Phil and Officer Grace, gathered around the empty space where the pinball machine is supposed to be.
"Guys, we've got the case. All we have to do now is solve it." says Cy.
"Fine, you two. I guess I have to refer to you as detectives." says Phil, beginning to fall into his place with Cy and Conrad's act.
"Phil, why must you play along?" asks Officer Grace.
"I wanna help in this, Officer Grace." says Phil.
"Whatever you say." says Officer Grace.
"Here's where the pinball machine is supposed to be." says Phil, pointing to the empty spot.
"I see." says Cy, walking over to the spot.
Cy then lowers himself into a pitcher's position and examines the area. Cy spots the four dents in the carpet where the old pinball machine once stood. He moves his hand slowly over one of the dents. He then gets back up and turns his attention to Conrad, Officer Grace, and Phil..
"Say, how long ago was the old machine here?" asks Cy.
"I last saw it Saturday, Detective." says Phil.
"What about you, ma'am?" asks Cy as Conrad continues to write things down on the notepad.
"I haven't seen the machine for a long while. I don't know what to tell you." says Officer Grace.
"That's okay. I feel I have enough for the both of you." says Cy.
Officer Grace looks over at Phil as she admires Cy's commitment to solve the mystery. "Detective, what findings have you made so far?" asks Officer Grace.
"Good question. I looked at the area and see the four dents left by the old machine. When I moved my hand over one, I felt no sign that the machine was here before it was stolen." says Cy.
"Maybe you should ask Mr. Gold about the new machine?" says Phil.
"Perhaps I should, but not now. I think I'll go see two morons about a machine." says Cy as he turns to leave, with Conrad following behind.
"I wonder where they're going?" asks Phil to Officer Grace.
"I think he's gonna surprise their rivals in their native habitat." says Officer Grace.
Cy closes the door behind him and walks down the hallway and turns a corner into another hallway, leading to a door with the lettering, "Barry & Terry", written on it. Cy gives the door a knock and hears Barry invite him in.
"Hello, Cy and Conrad." says Terry.
"Don't mock us now. We're detectives on a case." says Cy as he closes the door.
"Pardon me, detectives." says Terry.
"Detectives, what brings you and your associate around here?" asks Barry.
"I came here to talk about that missing pinball machine, you two." says Cy.
"I don't know anything that machine." says Terry.
"All I know is that one of the sponsors donated it in exchange for air time on our program." says Barry.
"I think Mr. Gold wants to title the programs after the sponsors, the way he talks." says Terry.
"So, a commercial on your program that would have subtracted time from you guys." says Cy.
"Ease up, detectives, we have no reason to steal it." says Barry.
"We're better stealing audience." says Terry.
"Cy, I wouldn't question them further." says Conrad.
"Why not?" asks Cy.
"Because it might hurt us come sweeps week." says Conrad.
"Gentlemen, I leave you to your wallow." says Cy.
Cy then turns back and heads back out the door without saying another word.
"That Cy. He keeps it up, he may end up paying for it." says Barry.In the radio studio itself, the WHYP Radio Lunch Wagon is wrapping up its broadcast day.
"And so, this is Chuck Freleng, saying onto you, see ya next time here at the WHYP Radio Lunch Wagon." says the host.
And with that, the engineer in the control room plays the closing theme and Chuck exits the studio and meets Cy and Conrad as he leaves.
"Hello there, Mr. Freleng." says Cy.
"Hello, Cy. Hello, Conrad." says Chuck.
"We're here to talk to you." says Cy.
"What for?" asks Chuck.
"We're detectives, trying to solve this mystery." says Cy.
"Okay, detectives." says Chuck, feeling it best to go along with Cy.
"We're investigating the missing pinball machine and I wanna know if you have any hints for us." says Conrad.
"I wish I did. I did see them take out the old machine on Sunday night." says Chuck.
"Can you tell me more?" asks Cy.
"I came here to help with the WHYP Sunday Night Service and I saw two men take out the old machine." says Chuck.
"Any more info you can share?" asks Conrad.
"No, sorry. I wish I did." says Chuck.
"All right. I may see you later, so don't leave town." says Cy, who then turns and leave.
Cy and Conrad then leave the control room and walk his way back to the green room. As they open the door, they find Phil engaged in reading Conrad's book and no sign of Officer Grace.
"Where's Officer Grace?" asks Cy.
"She went to file the report. Shee thought he had no more information for you, detectives." says Phil, putting down his book.
"I see, and do you?" says Cy.
"Sorry." says Phil.
"Well, I believe that we're within reach of a trail. We just gotta find it." says Cy.
"What makes you think you can find anything?" asks Phil.
"For the first time in many days, I'm getting a real rush from trying to solve this mystery and I ain't gonna stop until I do." says Cy.
"And what about the meantime?" asks Phil.
"Well, it's clear that I need more information. I talked to Barry and Terry and they had nothing, as usual. I also spoke with Chuck, the noonday guy, and he told me that he saw them taking out the old machine yesterday." says Cy.
"What does it sound like to you?" asks Phil.
"That I need to investigate further. I think I'll talk to whoever donated the machine." says Cy, who then turns and leaves the room, along with Conrad.
"Those two. How bored must they be to do this?" says Conrad.
Cy and Conrad then walk their way back to Mr. Gold. As they re-enter the office, Mr. Gold is on the phone with someone.
"I know that. I know how valuable that machine was to you. I have someone looking into it." says Mr. Gold, with the last line said as he turned his eyes to Cy.
"I see you're talking to whoever donated the machine." says Cy.
"I'm sorry, my investigator and his friend is in my office. I'll talk to you later." says Mr. Gold, who then hangs up the phone.
"I came here to ask you about the donors of the machine, the Shulmans. I see you're in contact with them. All I need from you right now is the address." says Cy, Conrad still writing.
"Like you're gonna get it." says Mr. Gold.
"Then the Shulmans will stop donating money to this station." says Cy.
"Here's the address, detectives." says Mr. Gold as he writes it down on a piece of paper.
"Thanks, Mr. Gold." says Cy as he takes the piece of paper.
"Yeah. I'm sure they'll tell you what you want." says Mr. Gold.
Cy and Conrad then leave the room and head back to the green room. As Cy and Conrad enter the room, Phil is still reading the same book.
"Guess who's the donors of the machine?" asks Cy as he closes the door.
"Who?" asks Phil, putting his book down.
"The Shulmans." says Conrad.
"They're the third-richest people in town." says Cy.
"I know. The head of the family made his fortune in coffee." says Phil.
"They made quite a fortune." says Conrad.
"Right, and their main stock is in their own company, Shulman Coffee. That would explain their need to advertise on this station. They seem the kind of people to have received a 1973 Goldman & Todd deluxe pinball machine." says Cy.
"Are you gonna see them?" asks Phil.
"If they want their pinball machine back." says Cy, who then turns to leaves.
"Listen, Cy, are you sure you want to do that? What if Mr. Gold finds out?" asks Conrad.
"Trust me, Conrad. If we are to solve this case, we must trace the machine back to its source, or to its last known location." says Cy.
"I just hope you know what to do." says Conrad.
"Me, too." says Cy.
Cy and Conrad then walk down the hallway and into the lobby of the station. They leave the station and walk their way downtown, to the address of the Shulmans. As they walk up their driveway, they notice the up-scale design of the house.
"This looks to be a big house." says Conrad.
"Yes, Conrad. One can make his life's fortune in coffee if he knows how to sell it." says Cy.
"Let's just hope Mr. Shulman's wealth hasn't made him unable to talk to the lower classes." says Cy.
"Why are we even doing this?" asks Conrad.
"Because we have to." says Cy.
"What if Mr. Shulman knows who we are?" asks Conrad.
"The way Mr. Gold treats us, he would have told Mr. Shulman anything about us. All he thinks is Barry and Terry." says Cy.
"He's bound to have heard us anyway, Cy." says Conrad.
"Conrad, if what our ratings, that Mr. Gold gives us, are true, we are in no danger of being found out." says Cy as he and Conrad reach the front doors.
The two large, oak-carved front doors stand to note the wealth inside.
Cy takes his hand and knocks on the door. After a minute, the door swings open and a woman, about Cy's age, is standing in the doorway.
"Hello there. Who might you two be?" asks the woman.
"My name is Cy Scott and this is my associate, Conrad Harris. We're private detectives hired by Mr. Gold to investigate your missing pinball machine." says Cy.
"I see, detectives." says the woman.
"Joanne, who's at the door?" asks a man inside.
"It's a pair of private detectives. Says that Mr. Gold hired them to find the machine we sent him." says the woman.
"Tell them to come in." says the man inside.
The woman then gestures Cy and Conrad inside the house.
"I told you we were in no danger." says Cy.
"Wanna bet?" says Conrad as he and Cy walk into the house.
"How long have you been on the case?" asks Joanne.
"Since this morning. Mr. Gold called and asked us to find a missing pinball machine. We've spent the last three hours in search of it." says Cy.
"What have you guys found?" asks Joanne.
"Not much. I think we're on a path, but I'm not sure." says Cy.
"You better get sure, detectives." says Mr. Shulman, entering the entry.
"I assume you're Mr. Shulman." says Cy.
"That's right. Joe Shulman, one of the richest men in the state." says Mr. Shulman.
"I know. Made a large fortune as one of Michigan's leading coffee barons. Now, with a recession on, you need all the help you can get." says Cy.
"And that's why I donated that pinball machine. I was gonna get a ton of ads on that station. Now, the machine's gone and I'm close to pulling my deal." says Mr. Shulman.
"I'll find your machine and you can keep your deal. Now, before I go further, I need to know more about how you planned to send the machine to the station." says Cy.
"Well, I had two guys pick it up Sunday afternoon and take it to the station. It was suppose to be there by midnight, when no one else was there. The two men had a key to the building. They said they delivered it there." says Mr. Shulman.
"Might I see the place where was kept before it was moved?" asks Cy.
"You may, if you think it will help." says Mr. Shulman as he gestures to Cy and Conrad to follow him upstairs.
The three reach the top and make their way to a door across from the stairs.
"Here is where that machine was." says Mr. Shulman as he opens the door.
Inside the room are various video games and game tables.
"A game room." says Cy.
"That's right. It took some doing to convince me to part with the machine. It was one of my favorites in this room and now it's gone." says Mr. Shulman.
"Don't worry, we'll get your machine back." says Cy.
"You better, Detective, and I suggest you go right back to work." says Mr. Shulman as he closed the door.
"I'll make sure I send up some updates on my progress." says Cy as he, Conrad, and Mr. Shulman walk back downstairs.
"The only news I want is the news you found my machine." says Mr. Shulman.
"I see, sir. I'm just wondering, is there anyone who would want you to go under?" asks Cy.
"I have my competitors, detectives. They all want me to go under." says Mr. Shulman.
"Relax, sir. I'm just trying to get in all the facts. I believe I'm closing in on the answer." says Cy.
"You better find it, detectives." says Mr. Shulman, who then leaves the room.
"I must apologize for my father. He's very worried about the coffee business." says Joanne.
"I can see that. Coffee is a valuable trading tool and each move he makes pays off in tons." says Cy.
"I wish we could be more helpful." says Joanne.
"I don't know about your father, but I know you can be more helpful." says Conrad.
"Let me show you the way out." says Joanne.
"You're a nice girl. Sweet, innocent." says Cy as they start walking to the door.
"Are you saying I did it?" asks Joanne.
"No, I'm saying you didn't do it." says Cy.
"You do seem like nice guys, detectives." says Joanne as they reach the door.
"Can I share something with you?" says Cy.
"What is it?" asks Joanne as she opens the door.
"We're not real detectives. We do work for Mr. Gold, but as two of his radio personalities." says Cy.
"Really?" says Joanne.
"Yeah. The detective routine is an act. Cy here is suffering from the on-set of the winter doldrum and we took up the whole thing to get out of them." says Conrad.
"That's interesting. And have you gotten of them, Cy ?" says Joanne as Cy and Conrad begins to step out the door.
"You bet. I haven't felt like this in a while." says Cy.
"Glad to hear that." says Joanne.
"Let's go, Cy, before Mr. Gold gets wind of this." says Conrad.
"I'm sorry you have to leave." says Joanne.
"Say, may I have the pleasure of your company again?" asks Cy.
"When the case is over, a date for that night." says Joanne.
"I'll try and finish today." says Cy.
"Goodbye... detectives." says Joanne as she closes the door.
"Was it wise to reveal yourself to Miss Shulman?" asks Conrad.
"I couldn't keep lying to such a beautiful lady." says Cy.
"However it may hurt us and our careers." says Conrad.
Cy and Conrad then turn and begin to head down the driveway. As they get underway, Cy feels something at his feet. He stops and looks down.
"Look, Conrad, a set of keys." says Cy.
"I see that." says Conrad.
"I wonder who lost them." says Cy as he picks them up.
"I wouldn't know." says Conrad.
"Let's get back to the station." says Cy as he pockets the keys and resumes walking, with Conrad following behind.
Cy and Conrad then return to the radio station and makes a bee-line for Mr. Gold's office.
As they enter Mr. Gold's office, they see that he's on the phone.
"He said I hired them?" asks Mr. Gold to the man on the other end, apparently Mr. Shulman reporting on Cy and Conrad's visit.
"Hello, Mr. Gold." says Cy.
"Pardon me, my hired detectives have just arrived." says Mr. Gold with an air of sarcasm.
Mr. Gold then hangs up the phone with a quick good-bye.
"As you now know, we did make a visit to the Shulmans." says Cy.
"I heard, and did you two find anything?" says Mr. Gold.
"Only that two men brought the machine here. Are they the same two men who also took the old machine?" says Cy.
"No. Those two men who took the old machine were to take it to Harris' house." says Mr. Gold.
"We're running low on leads, Conrad." says Cy, who then turns and leaves with Conrad.
"How about we talk to everyone here again?" asks Conrad.
"I guess we have no choice, for I feel the return of the winter doldrums upon me." says Cy.
"Right, Cy." says Conrad.
Cy and Conrad then walk their way back to the green room and finds Phil still there.
"Phil, I would think that you would be gone by now." says Conrad.
"I thought I'd stay until you solved this mystery, detectives." says Phil.
"As you can see, I haven't, Phil, so don't rub it in." says Cy.
"I didn't think you would get far enough to solve it." says Phil.
"I thought I had a lead, but I turned up nothing." says Cy.
"You better find another lead, Detective." says Phil.
Just then, Barry walks into the room with Mr. Gold.
"There's your thief, right there." says Barry, pointing to Conrad.
"What crime are you accusing Conrad of, Barry?" asks Cy.
"He's the one who stole your pinball machine." says Barry.
"That's impossible." says Conrad.
"He did, and they've been using this stupid detective routine to throw us off his trail." says Barry.
"Barry, I'd watch the fingers, if I were you." says Cy.
"Admit, Conrad, you stole it." says Barry.
"I did not steal that pinball machine." says Conrad.
"I hear you were a pinball champion. I guess you thought you would like to have that machine all to yourself." says Barry.
"Barry, Conrad had no reason to steal that machine. Besides, how could he?" says Cy.
"He could have broken in." says Barry.
"Let me get this straight. Conrad came and broke the front door down, came in, stole the machine, and left with fixing back up the door so no one would notice." says Cy.
"That's right." says Barry.
"Barry, your accusation is unfounded and dumb, just like you." says Cy.
Barry then retreats from the room.
"That Barry. Thinking I would steal the machine." says Conrad.
"Maybe he's not wrong." says Mr. Gold.
"I found no evidence connecting Conrad to the crime." says Cy.
"If you say so." says Mr. Gold.
"I think something happened to the machine as it was moved from the Shulmans' home to the station." says Cy.
"What next?" asks Mr. Gold.
"I think we'll visit the police." says Cy.
As Cy and Conrad turn to the door, the jangle of the keys ring out from Cy's pocket.
"What is that?" asks Phil.
"Oh, these? These are a set of keys I found at the Shulmans'." says Cy as he pulls out the keys.
"That looks like the set of keys I loaned to Mr. Shulman, so his guys could place the machine in the green room." says Mr. Gold.
"So, these keys open the door to the station?" says Cy.
"Of course they do." says Mr. Gold.
Cy then repockets the keys as Conrad writes down the information and both leave the green room. Cy and Conrad walk their way back to the front of the station. Cy then looks at the door. With careful hands, he unpockets the keys and places one in the front door lock.
"It fits." notes Cy.
"So Mr. Gold was right." says Conrad.
"Now we figure out what happened to the pinball machine." says Cy.
"That can't be too hard." says Conrad.
"Let's think for a minute here, Conrad." says Cy.
"I guess it's our only course of action at this point." says Conrad.
"If Mr. Shulman gave one of the two moving men the set of keys and he lost them, when would he notice it?" says Cy.
"I think maybe sometime during the trip over here." says Conrad.
"Think harder, when would he notice?" asks Cy.
"When he got here with the machine." says Conrad.
"Right, and he would have searched for the keys to open the door." says Cy.
"And he wouldn't have found them, having lost them." says Conrad.
"So, then what would he do?" asks Cy.
"Admit he lost to them." says Conrad.
"To whom?" asks Cy.
"To the other moving guy." says Conrad.
"And anyone else?" asks Cy.
"I don't know there." says Conrad.
"During this whole thing, we haven't heard a single word about the keys or the moving men." says Cy.
"Those people would have been the first people contacted by Mr. Gold when he saw the machine missing." says Conrad.
"And what do think they said to him?" asks Cy.
"That they delivered the machine to the station." says Conrad.
"Causing Mr. Gold to believe it was stolen." says Cy.
"But was it truly stolen?" asks Conrad.
"I don't think so." says Cy.
"So, when the moving men got here and couldn't find the keys." says Conrad.
"And with a large amount of money from Mr. Shulman they would receive upon delivery of the machine." says Cy.
"They would have said that they done so and kept the machine with them." says Conrad.
"So the pinball machine's still in the moving van down at the main offices of the moving company, untouched." says Cy.
"Then that means that... " says Conrad.
"We have our answer." says Cy.
"Let us tell Mr. Gold." says Conrad.
Cy then again pockets the keys and walks back into the building with Conrad. They walk their way to Mr. Gold's office and knock on the door.
"Come in." says Mr. Gold.
"Hello, sir." says Cy as he and Conrad enter.
"What is it now, detectives?" asks Mr. Gold.
"Mr. Gold, we think we know where your machine is." says Cy.
"Where is it, detectives?" asks Mr. Gold.
"Follow me in this line of reasoning with me and Conrad." says Cy.
"Okay, Scott. I'll give you your chance." says Mr. Gold.
"As we know, we think the machine was stolen." says Cy.
"We all know that." says Conrad.
"But we think it wasn't stolen." says Cy.
"It wasn't?" asks Mr. Gold.
"Right. A few minutes ago, I happened to put the keys I found into the lock in the front door of the building and it fit." says Cy.
"I see it, but what's that gotta do with the pinball machine?" says Mr. Gold.
"The answer to the case of the missing pinball machine is that it wasn't missing to begin with." says Cy.
"It wasn't?" says Mr. Gold.
"You see, we all just assumed it was stolen from the fact that it's not in the green room. We questioned everyone we could ask and found no reason to steal the machine." says Conrad.
"Well, the thief was from the outside." says Mr. Gold.
"That's another assumed fact. When we visited the Shulmans, the head of the family mentioned giving the two guys he hired a set of keys. As we were leaving their house today, I found a set of keys in the driveway." says Cy.
"What does that prove?" asks Mr. Gold.
"Our theory is that when one of the two men were getting in the truck at the Shulmans', the keys must have slipped out of his pocket. When they got here, they couldn't find the keys, so they left their truck here and reported a successful delivery rather than face facts." says Cy.
"So, what you're saying is... " says Mr. Gold.
"The pinball machine is still in the truck." says Cy.
"I'll phone the delivery company and see." says Mr. Gold, who then runs back into the station.
"Amazing, Cy." says Conrad.
"It was a close one, wasn't it, Conrad?" says Cy.
"I see." says Conrad.
"I did it, Conrad, I did it." says Cy.
"And you finally got over the winter doldrums." says Conrad.
"And I think I made a new girlfriend" says Cy.
"You did." says Conrad.
Just then, Mr. Gold walks out of the station.
"The two delivery guys fessed up to what happened. The pinball machine in their truck, all right." says Mr. Gold.
"All in a day's work." says Cy.
"Right, detectives. I'll call Mr. Shulman and tell him." says Mr. Gold, who then runs back into the building.
"Conrad, I do believe that we have proven ourselves as experts of mystery-solving." says Cy.
"Right, Cy." says Conrad.
An hour later, the two delivery men finally complete their job and place the new pinball machine in the green room. As they do, Joanne walks up to Cy.
"So, you solved it today, detectives?" says Joanne.
"I fessed up to your father about our true identities. He's proud of our work." says Cy.
"Good of you to do that, Cy." says Joanne.
"Well, are you still up for that date tonight?" asks Cy.
"Let me think... yes." says Joanne.
"Good to know, good to know." says Cy.

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This concludes this week's episode of The Quantum Argonauts. Tune in two weeks from now for another exciting episode.

Stay tuned for The Sara Gilbert Show, next here on Mutual.

This is the Mutual Broadcasting System.