A Pregnant Dream Confronts Thee

Sorry for the two-day delay but I was engaged in activities to help get ready for today's launch of STS-129 for the ISS. Although the following story has nothing to do with that, I thought I'd mention it as the reason for my lack of posting last week.

As usual, we proceed once again into the world of The Quantum Argonauts. In this case, if you can remember what happened in the last story, it would help, for this story directly follows that one.

Here, as always, is our story...

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Cy has just finished his first date with Joanne, the girl he met during the pinball machine mystery earlier that day. The time is about 1:00 am and Cy is walking Joanne up the driveway to the house.
"After they brought that pinball machine into the green room, Conrad got the honor of the first game." says Cy.
"How's he do?" asks Joanne.
"As well as he always does. Only an hour and he had the highest score that machine ever had. He kept playing for two more hours until he decided to go home." says Cy as they finally reach the front door.
Joanne opens the door and Cy stands outside.
"I've had a wonderful time, Joanne." says Cy to Joanne, standing inside her house, ready to close the door.
"Then why don't come in? Extend the date." says Joanne.
"I prefer to wait for awhile, at least until I know if she's ready for me." says Cy.
"Will I know?" asks Joanne.
"My mother taught me to look into a date before checking into their bed." says Cy.
"Smart woman." says Joanne.
"And you're as smart as she." says Cy.
"Good night, Cy." says Joanne as she closed the door.
"What a girl. If you could only met her, Mama." says Cy as he walks away from the house.
As Cy strolls his way back home, he whistles an old tune very well. The nighttime streets are quiet. Cy breathes in the night air as he makes his way to a crosswalk. He looks both ways.
Coming down one end is a car but Cy feels he can beat it. Cy starts walking across the street, keeping an eye on the oncoming car. As the car nears him, he gets a look at the driver, lighted by the dashboard's greenish-blue glow.
"Conrad?" says Cy as he spots his friend behind the wheel.
Cy soon realizes that he's standing in the car's path. He hopes his friend will see him and stop but Conrad closes in. Cy then sees any escape disappear as the car's headlights blind him.
Quickly, he jumps up a bit and manages to get himself flipped onto the hood of the car. He hits with a thud but the car keeps moving down the street.
Cy looks in the car and sees that Conrad is not noticing Cy on the hood. Cy gives the windshield a few knocks but Conrad keeps moving. All through this, Conrad is mumbling something but Cy can't tell what it is through the glass of the windshield.
Finally, the car pulls into a driveway. Cy looks ahead and sees that the house is of Conrad's older sister, Darlene. The house is dark as its owner is in bed.
Conrad makes his way out of the car and walks past Cy as he removes himself from the hood. He rushes over to Conrad and halts his movement.
"Conrad?" says Cy.
"Cy, is that you? What are you doing here?" asks Conrad.
"It's me, Cy, all right, and I might ask you the second question back at ya." says Cy.
"I'm here to take my sister to the hospital." says Conrad.
"What for?" asks Cy.
"She's about to give birth." says Conrad, who them resumes his progress toward the front door.
Cy is confused by Conrad's answer, for Darlene is not pregnant at all. Cy rushes back over to Conrad at the front door as he opens the front door.
"Conrad, your sister is not pregnant in the least. She's has no way for it to happen." says Cy.
"She's pregnant, or haven't you notice for the past nine months?" says Conrad as he enters the house.
Cy thinks back and doesn't remember any or all talk of Darlene being pregnant. Still confused, Cy rushes into the house and finds Conrad looking for his sister in the living room.
"Where is she?" asks Conrad.
"In bed, I think. Conrad, your sister is as pregnant as me, as in not at all." says Cy.
"She is pregnant. Quick, boil some water." says Conrad.
Cy takes a closer look at Conrad and sees that his eyes are opened wide and his look is dazed.
"Conrad, I've seen that look in your eyes a few times. It was those times my mother would sleepwalk. Conrad, you're sleepwalking." says Cy.
"I am not! I am here to take my sister to the hospital." says Conrad.
Cy thinks over his options and finally, delivers a slap to Conrad's face, waking him up.
"What's going on here? What am I doing at my sister's house?" says Conrad.
"You're here because your sister's about to give birth." says Cy.
"Darlene's not pregnant." says Conrad.
"I know that, but a few seconds ago, you thought she was." says Cy.
"That's impossible." says Conrad.
"I heard you asking me to boil some water. Say, come to think of it, why do people in movies say that?" says Cy.
"Think of what?" asks Conrad.
"To boil water when a woman's in labor. The last time I remember my mother telling me about my entry into the world, the only thing she wanted to do with water was dunk my father's head into a bucket of it." says Cy.
"Cy, why are you here?" asks Conrad.
"Because you were sleepwalking and you hit me with your car on the way over here." says Cy.
"That's impossible." says Conrad.
"Not really. When my mother was sleepwalking, I read up on it and found cases of people performing things while sleepwalking, even surgery." says Cy.
"I am a sleepwalker and my sister's not pregnant!" says Conrad.
"I know I'm not." says Darlene, entering the room, dressed in a nightgown right out of the 19th Century, with a hairstyle to match.
"Darlene, you wouldn't believe it, but as I was walking home tonight, I saw Conrad in his car coming at me." says Cy.
"That doesn't help me with you here." says Darlene.
"Not, Conrad was really coming at me. I only lived because I jumped and managed to be flipped onto the hood. When we got here, I confronted Conrad and he told me that he was here to rush to the hospital because you were about to give birth." says Cy.
"But I'm not pregnant." says Darlene.
"You know, this reminds me of the dream I was having. I was driving over here to take pregnant Darlene to the hospital." says Conrad.
"Only this time, you were really doing it." says Cy.
"I'm not pregnant, the last time I checked." says Darlene.
"Go to bed, Darlene. I'll drive Conrad home and stay there for the rest of the night." says Cy.
"Okay, Cyrus." says Darlene as she heads back to bed.
Cy collects Conrad and walks him back to the car. Cy and Conrad then make their way to Conrad's house.
"Cy, you sleep on the couch." says Conrad as the two enter the house.
"Go, but first, I'll call Thomas and tell him where I am." says Cy.
Cy then walks over to the phone and picks it up. He dials his number and waits as the phone on the other end rings.
"Hello?" says Thomas when he picks up the other end.
"Hello, this is Cy." says Cy.
"Cy, where are you? Are you with Joanne?" says Thomas.
"Like I'm stupid enough to sleep with a girl on the first date. I'm at Conrad's. Listen, as I was walking home, I bumped into Conrad driving, literally." says Cy.
"Are you hurt?" asks Thomas.
"No, I'm fine. I managed to avoid death. Anyway, I managed to land on his hood and we arrived at his sister's house. When I confront him, he tells me the reason he rushed over was that his sister was about to give birth." says Cy.
"Well, what's wrong with that?" asks Thomas.
"For starters, she's not pregnant, in the least." says Cy.
"What was happening?" asks Thomas.
"I found that Conrad was sleepwalking. I managed to awaken him." says Cy.
"So, why are you at his house?" asks Thomas.
"Because I wanna make sure Conrad doesn't repeat it." says Cy.
"I see. Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." says Thomas.
"See ya then." says Cy, who then hangs up the phone.
Cy then walks from the phone to the couch. He sits down on it and decides to watch a little television before sleeping. Cy turns on the television and watches it for a long time. Eventually, the sun rises as Cy continues to watch television.
Cy notices the time, 6:00 am, on the clock on the wall and decides not to awaken Conrad and instead, head into work.
With a close of the door, Cy walks his way from Conrad's house to the radio station. Cy's walk is mixed with the sleepiness he feels in his head. However, the feeling fades as the fresh air enters his body. The walk brings back feelings for Cy. He soon reaches the radio station and makes his way into the green room.
In the green room, Cy takes up a magazine and waits for Phil to arrive, which happens about an hour and 15 minutes after Cy's arrival.
"Hello, Cy, what are you doing here so early?" asks Phil as he enters the green room.
"Waiting for you." says Cy, putting down the magazine.
"What for?" asks Phil.
"Last night, after I returned Joanne to her house, I happened about Conrad, or he happened on me." says Cy.
"What's wrong with that?" asks Phil.
"He was doing it in a car and almost ran me down. Luckily, I managed to get myself flipped onto the hood and avoid death itself. I managed to stay on until we reached his sister's house. When I asked him, he told me that he was there to rush his sister to the hospital to give birth." says Cy.
"I didn't know Darlene was pregnant." says Phil.
"That's the interesting part, she isn't. It turns out Conrad was sleepwalking." says Cy.
"That's one hell of a dream." says Phil.
"I spent the night at Conrad's house but I didn't sleep. I just watched television. I even caught a re-run of one of my mother's shows." says Cy.
"Good for you. Nice to see you still enjoy them." says Phil.
"I never stopped." says Cy.
"Just which one was it?" asks Phil.
"Welcome Back, Kotter. Specifically, that first one, where she pretends to be pregnant." says Cy.
"Watched it out of mindfulness for Conrad?" asks Phil.
"Just watched it. I don't need a reason to watch." says Cy.
"Deja vu all over again." says Phil.
"You managed to get that one, Phil. You have learned. That's why I need you to take Conrad's place on today's broadcast." says Cy.
"Why can't Conrad do it?" asks Phil.
"Because he needs his sleep after what happened last night." says Cy.
"Okay. What do I need to know?" says Phil.
"Just follow my lead. You have watched me and Conrad at work?" says Cy.
"I have." says Phil.
"You know what to say?" asks Cy.
"I do." says Phil.
"Then you're ready for your radio debut. Don't worry, I'll make sure to give you enough room to roam and find a voice." says Cy.
"I think I have my voice. I'm the intern of the son of Debralee Scott." says Phil.
"Good enough for me. You even made sure to give kudos to your boss." says Cy.
"I aim to please." says Phil.
"Good to know, good to know." says Cy.
Just then, the phone rings in the green room. Cy rushes over and picks it up.
"Hello?" says Cy.
"Hello, you have a phone call." says Loni, the radio station secretary at the front desk.
"Who from?" asks Cy.
"A Darlene Harris at Hyperion General Hospital." says Loni.
"Put me through." says Cy.
"Cyrus, Cyrus?" says Darlene when the call is put through.
"Darlene, why are you at the hospital, as if I didn't know." says Cy.
"It was weird. My brother came to my house and dragged me to the car, saying I was in labor. He rushed me over here and tried to admit me as a patient." says Darlene.
"Where's Conrad now?" asks Cy.
"He fell asleep in the waiting room." says Darlene.
"You mean he's fell back into slumber. I believe he was sleepwalking again." says Cy.
"Where were you?" asks Darlene.
"I was at work." says Cy.
"Well, what do I do now?" asks Darlene.
"Ask a doctor to perform a pregnancy test on you." says Cy.
"What?" says Darlene.
"Get one and see if Conrad is anyway right." says Cy.
"Okay, but only for my brother." says Darlene, who then hangs up.
"I need not guess at what the nature of the call." says Phil.
"I left him in bed to sleep. I shoulda known." says Cy.
"Well, even someone like you can have a mental lapse." says Phil.
"My mother did. Why should I be immune?" says Cy.
"Shall we rehearse my radio debut?" asks Phil.
"Relax. You already know what to do." says Cy.
Eventually, the end of Barry and Terry's show arrives and Cy and Phil enter the control room as the duo sign off.
"Well, I hope you'll stay tuned to the Cy & Conrad Show, coming up next." says Barry.
The closing theme then starts playing as Barry and Terry make their way out of the studio.
"Hey, Cy. Where's Conrad?" asks Barry.
"He's out this morning. In his place, I have decided to debut Phil here." says Cy.
"I see. What happened, Conrad finally give up?" says Terry.
"Terry, I have much better things to do than listen to you." says Cy.
Cy and Phil then file past Barry and Terry and enter the studio. Cy takes his place by his mic, with Phil taking Conrad's usual spot.
"Ready, Phil?" asks Cy.
"Ready." says Phil.
The opening theme to the show starts as Cy's mic is opened and Cy speaks, "Good morning, City of Hyperion. This is Cy Scott, and today, my friend Conrad is not here, so in his place is WHYP intern Phil Turner!"
Cy then makes applause sounds by beating his hands on his stomach.
"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen." says Phil.
"Here at WHYP, we radio personalities are assigned interns. These interns are to study our methods and learn from us. Let me say, Phil has learned a lot." says Cy.
"Thanks, Cy. That's nice to hear." says Phil.
"Let us begin today's broadcast with some news." says Cy.
"I agree." says Phil.
The hour soon comes and goes. Phil manages to do pretty well as Cy's co-host and even made his own mark. The show ends with Phil saying, "Tomorrow, your regular sidekick will be here."
The closing theme plays and Cy and Phil exit the studio.
"Good show today, including Phil." says the engineer.
"Thanks." says Phil.
"I don't know about you, but I think I'll go home and rest." says Cy, who then makes his way out of the control room.
As Cy leaves the station, he decides to pay a visit on Conrad. When Cy reaches the house, he finds Conrad's car parked in the driveway.
"Conrad?" asks Cy as he enters the house.
"Cy?" says Conrad from the kitchen.
Cy closes the door behind him and walks his way into the kitchen, where he finds Conrad sitting at the table.
"Conrad, I thought you didn't sleepwalk." says Cy.
"Laugh all you want. It's hard waking up in a hospital waiting room to the story of how you rushed your sister to the hospital because of what you said last night." says Conrad.
"Did the doctor give you anything when you left?" asks Cy.
"He gave me this." says Conrad, holding up a large manilla envelope.
"This must be the pregnancy test I had Darlene get done." says Cy, taking the envelope.
"Why did you ask that of my sister?" asks Conrad.
"Because maybe you're having a flash of ESP, just nine months early." says Cy as he opens the envelope.
"Cy, I know you believe in that stuff, but I don't." says Conrad.
"Let me read this." says Cy, pulling a piece of paper from the envelope.
Cy reads the paper, the results of Darlene's pregnancy test.
"It says here your sister is not pregnant." says Cy.
"That proves what we already know." says Conrad.
"I know. If any man came near her with any designs like that, she'd cry rape." says Cy.
"Don't joke about that, Cy." says Conrad.
"You're being a little jumpy this morning." says Cy.
"Who hosted the show with you this morning?" asks Conrad.
"Phil, making his radio debut." says Cy.
"I wonder how that went." says Conrad.
"It went as well as always. Phil's a natural fit for the radio." says Cy.
"Nice to hear." says Conrad.
"I don't know about you, but I hope you'll be at the radio station tomorrow." says Cy.
"I will be there." says Conrad.
Cy then makes his leave, taking the test results with him to show Darlene.
"You're not in the family way, Darlene." says Cy 30 minutes later at Darlene's house.
"I know that. I would know if any man's been in me." says Darlene.
"I just had the doctors perform that test to see if Conrad will stop this sleepwalking." says Cy.
"You know how long this has been happening?" asks Darlene.
"I assume since last night." says Cy.
"It's been happening for about two weeks now. I've found him at my house for that amount of time." says Darlene.
"That would explain why's been a bit jumpy for the last two weeks." says Cy.
"It's amazing that you would end up involved in this." says Darlene.
"It's amazing that it's made it all the way to the hospital." says Cy.
"That's the latest thing." says Darlene.
"Something must be annoying Conrad enough to cause him to sleepwalk. I know that from my mother's sleepwalking adventures, these kinds of people have something on their mind they refuse to let go." says Cy.
"Once again, your mother enters the picture when one of your friends needs help." says Darlene.
"Don't blame my Mama, Darlene." says Cy.
"Anyway, how do you propose we find this problem on my brother's mind?" asks Darlene.
"I'll let you know." says Cy, who then makes his leave.
That evening, Cy walks his way back up the Shulmans' driveway as he readies to take Joanne on a second date. As he walks up, he whistles a happy tune.
He soon reaches the front door and rings the doorbell. The chimes that rings out further cement the wealth of the Shulmans. After a moment, one of the large oak door swing open.
"Good evening, Cy." says Joanne.
"Good evening, Joanne. I've come to take you out on a second date." says Cy.
"So soon?" says Joanne.
"Well, I couldn't wait to see you again." says Cy.
"Well, I guess I could tag along." says Joanne, who then extends his right arm for Cy to take.
Cy then takes the extended arm and the two begin to walk down the driveway and off on their second date.
"How's your day been so far?" asks Joanne.
"Joanne, would you believe that since I saw you last, I haven't slept a wink?" says Cy.
"I could believe it, if you told me why." says Joanne.
"Well, after last night, as I was walking home, Conrad ran into me, literally." says Cy.
"Are you alright?" asks Joanne.
"I'm fine. Anyway, Conrad took me, for lack of a better word, on a ride, where we ended up at his sister's house." says Cy.
"What was he doing there?" asks Joanne.
"When I asked him, he told me that he was there to rush his sister to the hospital, for she was in labor." says Cy.
"What's so weird about that?" asks Joanne.
"Conrad's sister, Darlene, is not pregnant. Furthermore, she's never been in any shape to have one because of her cold heart." says Cy.
"You don't mean that." says Joanne.
"Anyway, it turns out Conrad was sleepwalking and I had to awaken him." says Cy.
"And when you told him he was sleepwalking, what did he say?" says Joanne.
"He said I was nuts to suggest such an idea. Not only that, but he happened again, in the morning. This time, he succeeded in his goal." says Cy.
"What happened then?" asks Joanne.
"I told Conrad to take the day off and I had my intern Phil fill in, so to speak." says Cy.
"Did he do well?" asks Joanne.
"He made me proud. He knew how to interact, for once I get into the radio studio, I just take off." says Cy.
"I have to see you perform sometime." says Joanne.
"I can arrange that." says Cy.
Late that night, Joanne lays in her bed, reading a romance novel. She turns a page as the sound of music enters the room. Joanne, at first, can't make out if the sound is real or in her head.
She eventually figures out that the sound is coming from outside her bedroom window. She gets out of her bed and walks over to the window and opens it. As she looks out, she spots Cy on the ground below, playing a mandolin.
Cy's playing entices Joanne as she listens. The melody of "Love in Bloom" flies from the mandolin. When Cy finishes, Joanne gives applause.
"I didn't know you played the mandolin, Cy." says Joanne.
"I call it my lady-skill because it helps me with the ladies." says Cy.
"I've never been serenaded before." says Joanne.
"Nice to be the first." says Cy.
"Play some more, for me." says Joanne.
"Okay." says Cy, who then begins to play "Joanne" by Mike Nesmith. As Cy plays, Joanne swoons over it.
The next day, Cy makes his way into the green room as he dances his way in. As he enters the green room, Phil is pouring a cup of coffee.
"Happy hump day, Cy." says Phil.
"Right back at'cha." says Cy, sitting himself down in a chair.
"What's with you today?" asks Phil, taking a sip of his coffee.
"I had the best night so far with my new girl Joanne last night." says Cy.
"You two finally do it?" asks Phil.
"Of course not. We had a nice dinner and later on in the night, I gave her a serenade." says Cy.
"You are a hopeless romantic." says Phil.
"That I am." says Cy.
"Why haven't you done it yet?" asks Phil.
"Because I haven't earned it yet." says Cy.
"Earn it? How do you earn doing it?" asks Phil.
"My mother told me that you should wait in a new relationship until you have earned the right to make love with your girl." says Cy.
"How does that help?" asks Phil.
"If you do it just to do it, it loses all the favor. If you wait until it becomes part of the natural process of a relationship, then it has been earned and the two lovers are forever together." says Cy.
"Then why haven't you married yet?" asks Phil.
"Because waiting also helps to make sure you love someone. Most of the time, by the time you make love, it's just a formality." says Cy.
"What a genius your mother was." says Phil.
Just then, the phone rings. Cy rushes over and picks up the receiver.
"Cy, you have a phone call from the hospital again." says Loni.
"Just patch me through and forget the charges." says Cy.
"Okay." says Loni as she patches in the call.
"Cy?" says Conrad on the other end.
"Conrad, why are you at the hospital?" asks Cy.
"I brought my sister in labor again. This time, she didn't wait for me to awaken. She took my car and left." says Conrad.
"Wise precaution." says Cy.
"I guess I can walk to work." says Conrad.
Cy looks over at the clock in the green room, which reads 8:09 am.
"No, you walk yourself home for the day." says Cy.
"Thanks." says Conrad.
Cy then hangs up the phone.
"Darlene again?" asks Phil.
"This time, it was Conrad. Darlene's taken possesion of his car." says Cy.
"I guess I'm on hosting duty again." says Phil.
"The following show you're about to do is the same as yesterday. Only the words have been changed to protect the listener from losing it." says Cy.
"With that kind of help, I know I can ace today." says Phil.
After the show, Cy makes his way to Darlene's house, to get her side of what happened this morning.
"Like yesterday, he came in and told me I was in labor. I decided to play along this time, thinking he might snap out of it. When we reached the hospital and he still wasn't awake, I took his car keys and drove home." says Darlene.
"Are you gonna give him back his keys?" asks Cy.
"Only when he gets over this." says Darlene.
"That should stop the trips to the hospital. Darlene, I've decided to investigate this matter further and I need your help." says Cy.
"How so?" asks Darlene.
"Is there any reason your brother might believe you pregnant?" asks Cy.
"Absolutely not!" says Darlene.
"I was just asking." says Cy.
"Well, that's my answer." says Darlene.
"There's has to be something deep in Conrad's mind that surfaces in his sleep, when he dreams. In other words, he gets nervous and he happens to act out his dream." says Cy.
"Cyrus, I know you're not a psychiatrist but you're starting to sound like one." says Darlene.
"Darlene, if you must know, my mother was a sleepwalker. When we finally got a psychiatrist on it, he found something interesting." says Cy.
"What was it?" asks Darlene.
Just then, Cy's brain flashes on an answer to Conrad's problem.
"I have the answer." says Cy.
"What was the question?" asks Darlene.
"How do we help Conrad? The same way my mother was helped." says Cy.
"What?" says a confused Darlene.
"We need a psychiatrist." says Cy.
"We do?" asks Darlene.
"That's the only way we can solve Conrad's problem with his sleepwalking." says Cy.
"When people sleepwalk, they don't usually use a psychiatrist." says Darlene.
"If the sleepwalking follows a pattern, it does." says Cy.
"Do we have a choice?" asks Darlene.
"Can you go through nine months of pregnancy in 12 hours?" says Cy.
"I guess not." says Darlene.
"Good. I'll look one up." says Cy, who then dashes over to where the phone sits.
Cy then opens up the phone book and scans the pages, looking for the psychiatrist listings. Finally, he finds them.
"Here they are, psychiatrists." says Cy.
"Any good ones?" asks Darlene.
"Nothing that strikes me off the bat." says Cy.
"Don't waste your time." says Darlene.
"I think I found one that looks good." says Cy.
"Who is it?" asks Darlene.
"Dr. Hayes." says Cy, pointing to one of the small advert listings in the yellow pages.
"Call him then." says Darlene.
"Okay." says Cy as he puts down the phone book and picks up the phone receiver.
He then dials the number listed and waits as the phone on the other end rings. After a few moments, a voice is heard at the other end, "Hello?"
"Yes, this is Cy Scott. Who is this?" says Cy.
"I'm Dr. Hayes. What is it?" asks Dr. Hayes, in a british accent.
"I'm calling because I've got a friend who needs your kind of help." says Cy.
"Sounds interesting." says Dr. Hayes.
"When can I stop by, with my friend?" asks Cy.
"You can stop by any time today, because I have no patients or anyone else coming in to get their head checked." says Dr. Hayes.
"I'll be there." says Cy, who then hangs up the phone.
"Well, what did he say?" asks Darlene.
"We can go down to his office any time today, so that gives us enough time to trick Conrad into going." says Cy.
"Let it be known that I won't help in any way." says Darlene.
"Suit yourself, just be down there when we get there." says Cy, who then makes his leave.
An hour later, Darlene stands in front of Dr. Hayes' office in downtown Hyperion. As she once again gazes at her watch, she hears the sounds of Cy and Conrad coming up the sidewalk.
"But I don't need a psychiatrist." says Conrad, being slightly dragged by Cy.
"This sleepwalking is gonna get worse unless we find what's causing it." says Cy.
"I know what's causing it, too much stress." says Conrad.
"That's what they all say." says Cy.
"Well, I guess I'm not alone in saying it." says Conrad.
"You're getting help and that's that." says Cy as he and Conrad reach where Darlene is standing.
"I can't believe that you're going along with this, Darlene." says Conrad.
"I have no choice in the matter. I don't wish to be rushed to the hospital again." says Darlene.
"All right, let us move." says Cy, who then walks his way up to the front door of the building.
Conrad and Darlene follow Cy to the front door of the building. Cy knocks on the door as the two arrive. From inside, a voice is heard, "Come in."
Cy, Conrad, and Darlene then enter the building, which contains a small waiting room. The waiting room has the standard assortment of chairs and tables. Behind a desk in a far corner is a receptionist.
"Come in." says the receptionist as she notices the entry of the three.
"Thank you." says Cy.
Cy, Conrad, and Darlene each take a chair in the waiting room as they wait for the receptionist to usher them into Dr. Hayes' office.
Just then, the door to the main office opens and out steps Dr. Hayes, a man about 35, dressed in a brown suit with black tie, and bearing a passing resemblance to the late Graham Chapman.
"No need to have these people wait. I can see them right now." says Dr. Hayes to the receptionist.
"Okay, doc." says the receptionist.
Cy, Conrad, and Darlene make their way into Dr. Hayes' office as the doctor himself takes a sit behind a desk.
"Thank you for seeing us." says Cy.
"You're welcome. I could use the business." says Dr. Hayes.
"It's been bad, hasn't it?" says Cy.
"Well, people just don't have the money to afford me, even though I always keep my rates low." says Dr. Hayes.
"That reminds me, how much to pay you?" says Cy.
"It's on the house. I've still got a few paying customers and they dish out the load so they can air their minds." says Dr. Hayes.
"That's good to know, good to know." says Cy.
"Now, what problem have you brought to my attention?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Well, it concerns Conrad over here." says Cy.
"Conrad? Conrad who?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Conrad Harris." says Cy.
"I see." says Dr. Hayes.
"Anyway, the problem is that he's sleepwalking." says Cy.
"Sleepwalking? Did you say sleepwalking?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I did." says Cy.
"You don't need a psychiatrist for when someone's sleepwalking. That'd be like taking a car in when it runs low on gas." says Dr. Hayes.
"It's not just sleepwalking, this sleepwalking has a pattern." says Cy.
"What kind of a pattern?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"You see, Conrad's sister over there, her name is Darlene, Darlene Harris is her name, is involved in this." says Cy.
"It's not one of those incest things, is it?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"No, perish the thought here." says Cy.
"Good." says Dr. Hayes.
"You see, Conrad has been going over to his sister's house every night to rush her to the hospital, which he actually has done in the past couple of days at least twice." says Cy.
"What on Earth for?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"In these sleepwalks, he believes Darlene is pregnant and in labor." says Cy.
"And is she?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Of course not. If any man came near her with thoughts like that, he's end up in a federal prison." says Cy.
"I see." says Dr. Hayes.
"This has only occurred in the last couple of days, to the best of my knowledge. I just wanna know what's causing it." says Cy.
"I see." says Dr. Hayes, who then gets up from his chair and starts walking around the room.
Dr. Hayes walks his way over to where Conrad is sitting, in a far corner of the room.
"Your friend over there says you're a sleepwalker." says Dr. Hayes.
"I am not a sleepwalker." says Conrad.
"Well, your friend says you are." says Dr. Hayes.
"I might be sleepwalking a little." says Conrad.
"A little, eh?" says Dr. Hayes.
"That's right." says Conrad.
"I guess you wouldn't mind if I tested your mind a bit." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm sane." says Conrad.
"I wouldn't hurt to get a second opinion on that." says Dr. Hayes.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt." says Conrad.
"That's what you think." says Dr. Hayes.
"Isn't that the point?" asks Conrad.
"What point?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"What I think?" says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know that's right." says Conrad.
"What's right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"What I think." says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm right." says Conrad.
"What's right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"What I think." says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
Cy emits a supressed chuckle as he watches the clear-thinking Conrad fail to see the loop Dr. Hayes has placed him in.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"You're right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I'm right." says Conrad.
"You're right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"I'm right about what I think." says Conrad.
"You got that right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know I got that right." says Conrad.
"You got what right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"I got that I was right about what I think." says Conrad.
"I know that you got that right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I know that I always got it right." says Conrad.
"What do you always get right?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"I always get that I'm right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"About what do you think?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I'm always right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"About what do you think?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I'm always right." says Conrad.
"Right about what?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"About what I think." says Conrad.
"And what do you think about?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That I'm always right?" says Conrad.
"Good, it took you long enough." says Dr. Hayes as he writes something down on a small notepad he takes out of his pocket.
"Doctor, what did all that prove?" asks Conrad.
"It proved to me that you are as sane as that comes and that your friend's concern is well-founded." says Dr. Hayes.
"How did that do it?" asks Conrad.
"Simple, I placed your mind in a loop and waited for you to break it." says Dr. Hayes.
"I found the whole thing funny." says Cy.
"Well, I didn't." says Conrad.
"Me, too." says Darlene.
"Should I try the loop on you?" asks Dr. Hayes to Darlene.
"She's prefectly oversane." says Cy.
"I should study it, but I don't think people would be interested." says Dr. Hayes.
"What are you gonna do next?" asks Conrad.
"The standard ink blots, to make sure your mind is able to see things." says Dr. Hayes, who then walks over to a file cabinet and pulls out a stack of paper.
Dr. Hayes walks back over to Conrad with the stack of paper.
"Ink blots? What next?" asks Conrad.
"Don't ask." says Cy.
"Okay, what does this look at?" asks Dr. Hayes as he shows the first ink blot.
"It looks like a house." says Conrad.
"What does this remind you of?" asks Dr. Hayes, holding the second blot.
"It looks like a car." says Conrad.
"And this?" asks Dr. Hayes on blot three.
"A baby." says Conrad.
"Next." says Dr. Hayes, blot four.
"A wheel of cheese." says Conrad.
"This." says Dr. Hayes, blot five.
"A butterfly." says Conrad.
"And finally." says Dr. Hayes, blot six.
"A pair of scissors." says Conrad.
"Good, your mind shows signs of what your friend has been telling me." says Dr. Hayes.
"How?" asks Conrad.
"Because each object you named reflects the dream you have when you sleepwalk." says Dr. Hayes.
"Good work, doctor." says Cy.
"He hasn't really done anything except test my brother's sanity." says Darlene.
"Oh, Darlene, if Conrad is sane to beginning with, maybe we can find what's causing his sleepwalking." says Cy.
"I'll do the finding." says Dr. Hayes.
"Of course, doc." says Cy.
"I think I should probe further." says Dr. Hayes
"Good idea." says Conrad.
"But first, I'll need Mr. Harris to step into the waiting room for a minute." says Dr. Hayes.
"Why should I?" asks Conrad.
"Just do what the doctor says." says Cy.
"Okay." says Conrad, who then gets up from his chair and walks out of the office.
"Why did you just send Conrad out of the office?" asks Cy.
"Because I've decided to hypnotize Mr. Harris and I need to discuss with you what I want you to do when I place him under hypnosis." says Dr. Hayes.
"What we should do? Did I hear you right?" asks Cy.
"That's right. The only way, I feel, to get to the cause of the sleepwalking is to take through the dream he has during it." says Dr. Hayes.
"What roles do we play in this?" asks Darlene.
"Whatever I assign. Darlene, since you're the center of the dream, you'll play yourself and help us through the dream." says Dr. Hayes.
"I hope you'll as good as acting as I am." says Cy.
"Mr. Scott, I think you should play any role that may need your talent, as will I." says Dr. Hayes.
"Like sound effects?" asks Cy.
"That's right." says Dr. Hayes.
"I'm good at sound effects, trust me." says Cy.
"I guess I have to." says Darlene.
"Is everything clear?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"Yes, sir." says Cy.
"Good, I'll ask Mr. Harris to join us." says Dr. Hayes, who then walks over to the office door and asks Conrad to come back in.
"Okay, guys, what were you discussing in here?" asks Conrad as he re-enters the room.
"Nothing." says Cy.
"Nothing?" says Conrad.
"Do me a favor, Mr. Harris, and lay down on the couch." says Dr. Hayes, as he points the couch out to Conrad.
"Okay, whatever you say." says Conrad, who then walks over and lays down on the couch.
"Now, Conrad, tell me about your childhood." says Cy in his best German accent.
"Very funny, Cy." says Conrad.
Dr. Hayes then takes a chair and walks over to by the couch, where he puts down the chair and sits down in it.
"Now, Mr. Harris, do me a favor and stare at this pen." says Dr. Hayes as he takes one out of his pocket.
Conrad then stares at the pen for five minutes, rarely blinking as he does.
"Amazing." whispers Cy to himself.
"Now, Mr. Harris, wave your right foot." says Dr. Hayes.
Conrad then does just that, to the amazement of Cy and Darlene.
"Now, Mr. Harris, I want you to take me through a recent dream. It's early in the morning and you hear the phone ring." says Dr. Hayes, who then points to Cy, who then does the sound effect of a ringing phone.
"Hello?" says Conrad as he picks up the dream phone.
Dr. Hayes then points to Darlene.
"Oh, my brother, my water broke. I need you to take me to the hospital." says Darlene.
"Don't worry, I'll be right there." says Conrad.
Cy then sounds a phone hang-up, footsteps with an door opening and closing, the same with a car door, and the sound of a motor being started.
Cy then sounds a car moving along, then sounds coming to a stop and more footsteps, which ends with a knock on a door.
Cy then points to Darlene, which is followed by Cy opening the door.
"Thank you, my brother." says Darlene as she gives a few false moans.
Cy then sounds two pairs of footsteps and two car doors opening and closing, which is then followed by the moving car sounds. Darlene continues to play along with the whole thing with some false moans and groans.
Cy then sounds the car stopping and more footsteps and the addition of a ding and a swoosh, as if a hospital's front doors were moving open to let in Conrad and Darlene.
"Is there a doctor available?" says Conrad.
"I'm a doctor." says Cy in his best deep voice.
"Good, my sister here is pregnant and in labor." says Conrad.
"I can see that. That isn't a bowling ball under her shirt." says Cy.
Darlene rolls her eyes at Cy's pun.
"Cut the jokes, doctor." says Conrad.
"Okay, nurse, take... " says Cy.
"Miss Harris." says Conrad.
"Miss Harris to birthing room three, " says Cy before he answers himself in a falsetto voice, "Yes, doctor."
Darlene rolls her eyes again at Cy.
"Okay, sis, are you ready?" asks Conrad.
"Ready as I'll ever be." groans Darlene.
"Alright, nurse. Let's ready the patient. Get me some scissors, paper clips, and the machine that goes 'ping'." says Cy.
"Oh, brother." groans Darlene.
"Yes, Darlene?" says Conrad, not getting the idea.
"Never mind." says Darlene.
Darlene then goes into the process of faking birth.
"C'mon now, ma'am, please push." says Cy, now as a Jewish doctor.
"What happened to that other doctor?" asks Darlene.
"He had to take a broken nose to the stock exchange." says Cy.
"What for?" asks Darlene.
"Because only the broker nose." says Cy.
"Cut the jokes, doc, and get that idiot's baby out of her." says Conrad.
"Who's the idiot?" asks Dr. Hayes.
"That rapist. He put his seed in my sister." says Conrad.
Dr. Hayes then signals to Cy and Darlene to finish with the delivery.
"I see the head now." says Cy, back in a deep voice.
"Come on, Darlene, push." says Conrad.
Darlene then gives out a few big groans.
"The head's out now and here's the rest." says Cy, who then mimicks a baby crying.
"It's a girl." says Dr. Hayes.
"You think you could name it after my mother?" asks Cy in his own voice.
"I'm not naming my baby Debralee." says Darlene.
"My grandparents did." says Cy.
"Alright now, Conrad, when I cound to three, I want you to awaken. one, two, three." says Dr. Hayes.
Conrad then awakens from his trance.
"Hello, Conrad." says Cy.
"What happened?" asks Conrad.
"We found the source of your sleepwalking." says Dr. Hayes.
"What is it?" asks Conrad.
Cy speaks, "Four weeks ago, there was a report about a librarian being raped. At first, you worried it was Darlene, but then it turned out to be someone else."
"I guess I just filed it away in my mind." says Conrad.
"But it resurfaced. I can only guess that the sleepwalking was preceded by a bout of dreams about the idea of Darlene being pregnant because of the rape." says Dr. Hayes.
"You're right. I just thought it bad dreams and didn't think nothing of it." says Conrad.
"Well, now that we had the baby delivered, I think your sleepwalking should be over." says Dr. Hayes.
"I hope so." says Conrad.
The next day, Conrad makes his way into the green room.
"Happy Thursday, Conrad." says Cy as Conrad enters.
"Right back at ya." says Conrad.
"You're in a happy mood today." says Cy.
"Today was the first day in two weeks that I've awakened in my bed." says Conrad.
"I know it. Darlene told me that you kept waking up in her house." says Cy.
"It was the weirdest thing. I mean, waking up at your sister's house for no reason at all." says Conrad.
"So, you just accepted it, hoping it would stop." says Cy.
"Right." says Conrad.
"And I know the rest." says Cy.
"That's right." says Conrad.
"I kinda liked the hypnotism he performed." says Cy.
"He didn't plant any suggestions in me, did he?" asks Conrad.
Cy thinks for a minute, before he says, "Wave your right foot."
Conrad's right foot then begins to wave around. Conrad looks down and sees the movement.
"He did this, I know it." says Conrad, stopping the foot-waving.
"One leftover, that's it." says Cy.
"I hope so." says Conrad.
"If not, the fun that would ensue would make the rest of us happy." says Cy.
"I'll remember that." says Conrad.

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This concludes the fifth episode of the current blog season

Tune in next week for another adventure of The Quantum Argonauts here on the blogsite and hopefully, you will enjoy it as well as you enjoy this.

See ya next time!